Jobberwhacky

So I'm applying for jobs. And after applying for jobs on and off non-stop over the past oh... FOUR YEARS... I'm kinda burned out on the whole job application thing.

But there's this guy whose specialty is helping folks get their careers going, and he has an awesome website that should give me some great tips to make me more successful this time around. And there's this job that just came open and sounds really perfect-- It's for a Communications Consultant at a local Community College. I'm so good at communicating, it's fugging AWESOME. And the application (all fifteen plus pages of it, including the short paragraph answers to each of eight different "describe this about your experience and training" questions) is due on Monday. Today is Saturday.

So I really need to get going on this. I want a job that keeps me excited and challenged, and that pays an actual living wage. I keep putting off applying for the housecleaning jobs because somehow, I really want a job that pays more than $10 an hour. Maybe my ego is getting in the way of my actually finding a job and working it again... but you know? I have a Master's Degree. And half of another Master's Degree. And I just came off six months of being the Executive Coordinator for a three-prong work project. Successfully. I deserve a high-paying high-responsibility job. I'd do well in a job like that, even.

Mostly, though, I know how hard it is to force myself out of bed every morning when I'm getting up for a job I don't like. And how hard it is to do a quality job on any daily tasks that I know your random stranger off the street could do just as well.

(insert brief pause and complete loss of mental track HERE when I am called to find housemate's keys, since I was the last one to see them-- when I pulled them from the outside door lock upon my return home this afternoon)

In other news, GB and I are discussing the logistics of moving in together. The most complicated bits seem to be internet access for yet another computer, and the fact that his housemate has two troublemaking teenage girl kitties, and I have one crochety declawed matronly girl kitty. And if we confine Abbigale strictly to his bedroom where they are not allowed, how will we keep her cat food away from the dog, while still making sure SHE can reach it, since she has arthritis and can't do a lot of jumping-- and the dog is rather tall. I think we'll figure out the whole computer thing. After all, GB used to set up cable systems for a living.

And, in the meantime, wish me luck on the job front. Again.

Free Job

Have I told you that I finally got hired for a really cool job? I did. But they don't know for sure how they're going to pay me. It's an interesting conundrum. And the work has momentum that we all think is important to follow up on-- NOW. So basically, I'm looking for other sustaining part time work, and putting in some hours (which I track) on the awesome job, but trying not to work TOO MUCH until there is a secure source of funding...

I think it's time I got paid for at least SOME of the things I spend so much time working on.

The job? There's this farm. It's been owned/lived on by the same family since they got their land-grant for it back in 1848. The farm house that the final generation currently live in was built between 1848-1851. It is still a functional farm. (Now organic!) And they have archives of materials from their trip across the Oregon Trail to now. Archives that the Foundation (who are slowly taking responsibility for preserving the farm as a local historical treasure) would like to preserve, digitize, and then make available for educational purposes. And they've hired me.

IT's FRIGGEN AWESOME!!!

And to be fair, they did find a way to pay me for my work up to the 15th of this month. I think they're impressed that I got so much accomplished in only 19 hours-- and they begin to see the scope of what I can do for their goals... So they've put on my to-do list to research the process and rules for a non-profit Foundation to hire an employee. And to make a calendar of grant application due-dates for future fundraising efforts. I'll be writing the grants too, I suspect.

Should be fun.
And, like I said, I'm piecing together other more reliable work to fill the gaps in the meantime. Wish me luck. I need it.

WeManiac

So... have I told you that I actually have something like EIGHT FRIGGIN BLOGS attached to me? Plus the one on that one website for professional librarians? EIGHT.

And... well... actually, I only maintain about three of them-- plus that one that isn't REALLY mine, but I still have to write intelligent things for it at least once or twice a week. (And by the way, I've been reading Crazy Aunt Purl again lately, and got all inspired-y... which can actually be a bit dangerous, if you have even the slightest clue what exactly it is that I'm being inspired by!)

Even more exciting, I finally was able to attach my blog (no, the other one) to my website-- AND the website is itself somewhat updated. It took me two days of hard work to get it there, but I now feel that it can go be all by itself on the web again. YAY!!! And-- I've printed out two more versions of what may eventually be my final business card design. This whole "start your own business" thing takes a lot of trial and error, it seems! Maybe "flexibility" is the term I'm searching for here...

Even better, I have an OFFICE to see CLIENTS in-- on Tuesdays through Thursdays, that is. And once I get myself up to at least 8 clients a week, I can start looking for that perfect apartment with a front room that might be PERFECT for seeing clients from THERE! Or renegotiate for different office hours or spaces or something. And when I hit 15 clients a week, I'm raising my rates in the hope that soon I can buy an actual piece of land and start making plans to build a house/studio on it. I may also begin to revise my work/business strategy when I get to that point. Although, really, it's part of the strategy to keep revising it as I learn what works better for both myself and my clients (and my self-promotion efforts).

So I'm keeping up on the blog for library world (I am now free, they gave me my last paycheck for that in July and asked me to keep writing anyway), the blog for my business, this blog, and maybe one or two others that I write in from time to time... That's a lot of writing. No. Actually, that's a lot of PROOF READING!!

In the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that if I personally gave you the web address for this blog (ie: you are a close friend or family)... and you know what my new business is, you get special reduced rates for my professional services should you ever wish to request them. Just thought you'd like to know. =)

SHHHHH

So I'm reading this book called "Stupid History," and I'm actually enjoying it. Partly, this is because all these weird bits of history that we all remember (like Paul Revere's ride to warn everyone that the British were coming)... is, according to this author guy-- and I did find the book in the nonfiction section of the library-- FALSE!!! There were, apparently, THREE men who rode out to warn everyone that the troops were coming along behind-- but those pesky Brits caught up with them. One man fled back home. One (Revere) got captured and thrown in jail overnight, without ever reporting anything to anyone, and the third man is the guy who actually did get away and ride through the town of Concord, I think it was, and yell warning. For whatever good it did everybody anyway.

The other reason I'm enjoying the book is that each story is about half a page long. And that is about all the attention span I have at the moment. Because, for the last two nights, my house mate has been out of town, and the natives have, as they say, been restless. First, Bubba clawed a hole in the new bag of cat food. Then, they all took turns hissing about who was allowed to be in the bedroom with me and who wasn't. A furry belly slinked past the top of my head at one point in the night, and I heard lots of loud cat-thumping sometime after 4am.

Cat-Thumping, by the way, is what happens when your cat suddenly gets that wild look in her eye, glares at a point up and to the left of your head, and then starts running like an insane and possessed beast up, down, around, across, back, over, around again, up, down, PAUSE... and then careens off to hide under the bed or go lick her butt in the kitchen or something. And while the cat does all this crazy running, her little 11 lbs of fuzz and claws makes about as much noise as a 200 lb man with army boots on-- only faster. Cat-thumping.

So, anyway, I'm a little tired tonight. I'm also prepared. First, I'm going to put Abbigale in the bedroom. Then, I'm going to lavish attention on the little grey monsters until they refuse to be in the same room with me anymore. Then I'm going to brush my teeth, and go to bed. I've also re-potted the cat food and cat treats from their flimsy plastic bags to specially purchased vacuum sealed heavy-duty glass containers. Even tho the containers are see-through, Bubba has walked by them TWICE now, trying to locate the food bag.

HAH! I leer in his general direction!!! And, hopefully, I also get some healthy sleep tonight. I'm really tired. Really.

Chaos, and the Rules that Cause It:

I have been walking around with a list in my head. Well, okay-- I walk around with a LOT of lists in my head... but THIS ONE was the list of "how it's supposed to be." You'd think I'd have learned my lesson about demanding that the universe conform to my plans, but no.

I once thought that happiness was caused by doing what you're "supposed to do." So I went to college, and then I got married, and I had a job, and we bought a house, ... and I wasn't really very happy most of the time.

When I refused to be a part of that train wreck any longer, and started over with the "go to college" bit, I realized that there isn't really a tangible recipe for happiness. There isn't a check-list to success. Not in the way you check off the steps of a home renovation, for example.

Then, I created a new plan. I'd get my new degree, and that would lead to my new career. Once I had a new career, I could finally pay off my debts and have health care, thus leading to a healthy healed body, and building a solid foundation for me to finally start looking for new relationships. And all of this would have to happen "somewhere else." Somewhere with no old patterns to contend with as I fought to create new and healthy ways of being.

It's only been in the past month that I finally realized that maybe, even if I wasn't getting that career job in library world, maybe I COULD be working on other goals. And then things started to fall into place. Serendipity, I think it's called.

I found an awesome house-mate. I moved into her house, and felt at home. She introduced me to a friend of hers who gives great massage (for free, until he gains his certification), and happens to also be a very wellness-oriented Yoga Master. And I called up my Uncle Rod's Acupuncturist, and discovered that she would do a straight trade with me-- one of my skills in exchange for one of hers. So, for no money, I suddenly find my body healing. I even played three consecutive rounds of a great bean-bag-toss game called "Corn Hole." I swear, it's true. There's a whole league of semi-serious players here-- and there are official rules, and everything! I played this game with only some temporary discomfort in my shoulder, where I'd once have been in agony for days after. This is an improvement I'd like to facilitate! It's EXCITING!!!

Now, I'm meeting other great people, and I've also developed a supportive and growing friendship with someone I knew in high school. Not the boy-- it's been three weeks since I last heard from him. I'm not holding my breath. And it's okay. I feel no personal insult or loss from it, though I still think he'd have made an interesting and appealing friend. No, this one is my friend, DS. She's personally funding and creating a really amazing non-profit that supports the cultural historians and artists in Guinea, in Africa. Her dedication, knowledge, and the need for her work are just amazing.

Oddly enough, my Personal & Professional Life Coaching business has picked up, too. Out of rather humid summer air have appeared five paying clients. WOW!!! I look forward to more as the year progresses.

And suddenly, I realize: Here I am. My body is healing, and I'm growing a great community of friends. I have a wonderful place to live, and the beginnings of a career (even if it stays part-time for a while) I love. I've started to incorporate healthy new patterns to my life, and I've done it all RIGHT HERE. So, I've started looking around for a job that might let me stay local for a while longer. And there is one. Don't know if I'll get it, but I plan to do everything in my power to promote that possibility. I'd be doing research, and collection development for a vendor who works with academic libraries. My two favorite aspects of being a librarian-- combined-- and I'd get to do them for more than one library at once. Talk about service opportunities!!

On top of all that, I just met someone wonderful. I don't know if we'll be friends or if there'll be more to it than that... but I'm definitely looking forward to getting to know this man better. He's mature, and thoughtful, and I really enjoyed talking/listening with him, and he has two cats-- who he spoils rotten. It's a good start.

It's so exciting for life to feel good right now!

How about Never?

Never eat Gruyere-cheese-stuffed potatoes and asparagus just prior to throwing up. Trust me on this.

Sooner Or Later

I've no idea of the tune, or where I heard this song-- but there's a song out there that goes like this: ....everything else, sooner or later, falls apart.... And I can identify with that. There have been times when I even felt that everything I touched fell apart. But I don't feel that right now.

Right now, I'm waiting. And it isn't something I do very gracefully most of the time. In fact, the longer I have to wait, the uglier it gets. I've got some applications out there in the world, somewhere, right now. A few of those have even been acknowledged by the institutions I sent them to, so I know people've RECEIVED MY APPLICATIONS. What I don't know is HOW they received them. I had one telephone interview. It was a learning experience, but I feel that I actually did fairly well. And they told me that the next step would be flying out their top three candidates for face-to-face interviews sometime in the last two weeks of March. And unless they want to end up holding airline bills for thousands of dollars, that means those final three candidates would have to be contacted at least two weeks out-- so... by the beginning of March. Which has now passed. Without my hearing a word. I've also heard nothing from my personal favorite (site unseen) of the places I've applied. Their deadline was February 29th. I know they GOT the application. I thought I had a good strong chance of being interviewed. I'm trying REALLY HARD to believe that they just haven't contacted everyone in their top ten yet. It's only been a week.

I have to say, my patience with the whole situation (and with myself) is starting to wear thin. The good news is that I've put moratoriums on my other commitments (don't know how it happened, but I ended up committed to doing SOMETHING for SOMEONE every day of the week for the past month!) so that I can again be an application-producing machine. I need a job. A really awesome job that I love and that pays the bills (and the loans, with maybe some left over for fun and savings) and.... Well....

I'm also really excited about March. In general, it's a fun month. Spring is popping out everywhere, the birds are ecstatic (and loud), and many of my favorite people have birthdays in March. In addition to this, the Spring Equinox is coming, and along with it-- PaganFaire2008!! In which I have my very own booth. Finally, a place to find good homes for my fabric storytales and my scented lotions and my hand-mixed loose-leaf herbal teas and my home-made medicinal ointments. And, in the process, I might even make back a bit of the money it took for me to make these things and reserve the booth. I tell you, March is a good month!

Did you know that I've been in search of good (and unique) tapered candle holders for something like 18 months now? Not a frantic search, by any means... But of the three I have, two are broken, none are all that sturdy, and all are short and easily found at any local store. But then last week, I was coming out of the bagel store (lunch after volunteering in the Library and before getting my car's first oil change-- they say the gas gauge is never really that accurate, and the problem I'm having might be the breaks, but they'd have to tear the car apart to find out) and for the first time, I noticed a little "antiques and gifts" (read second-hand) store across the parking lot. Now, I don't often go into these because they are often musty and depressing... But on that day, I went right over and wandered in. And found the perfect sturdy hand-blown glass candlestick holders I'd been searching for. They are very unique, they are a gorgeous aqua blue, they have a wide sturdy base, they don't actually need extra goop to hold the candles in place, and the lady agreed to sell them both to me for $10 off the asking price. Which was like a 40% discount, and meant that I didn't have to blow my budget to buy them. I love the month of March!!

In other good news, my latest attempt at an organization system seems to be working fairly well. And I'm nearly done with my ALA Core Books List Update, which really rocks. See, I was asked to update the Reference section of books (all 97 of them, plus any new ones I want to add) for the American Library Association's Women's Studies list of Core Books for any Women's Studies library collection. And I was a lot daunted by the project. I mean, I won't even feel like a real librarian until I get through my first official day of paid work as one! And here I am weeding the REFERENCE LIST that the whole nation uses for their Women's Studies library collections. Good God! But I did it. And I feel good about what I did. Now, we'll just wait and see what everybody else thinks. =)

Sooner or later, everybody has an opinion about something.

Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie...

Okay, so that was for counting down to the FINDING part of Hide-and-Seek... but Eeanie-Meeenie-Mynie-MOE was harder to spell. And really, I'm writing about choices.

To use LOL dialect:
Choices. I has dem.

And that is both more terrible and more wonderful than I could ever have imagined. You see, I'm job-hunting. I graduated, and unless I really want to rack up MORE student loans by going back to school AGAIN, this is my option. Job-hunting. Truthfully, I'm incredibly excited about having a job. As a Reference Librarian. That pays. Legally.

I've been living on loans and credit cards for a while now, and I'm really looking forward to getting them all paid off-- and doing it with real money that I actually EARNED MYSELF! And to top it all off, I love going into a library and knowing I belong there. Getting to wear the little tag (when I can find it) that tells people I actually have a RIGHT to offer them suggestions. Because, you know, I do it all the time anyway. In bookstores and train stations and shopping malls-- My friend, SLM, thinks we all have big blue signs on our foreheads that read "Information"... because even when we DON'T volunteer to help, we get asked. I guess we have that air of approachability mixed with a fine sense of capability or something... Kind of like a drunk on a bike. Nope, not driving... are you kidding? But still moving forward.

Ummm... okay, maybe not like a drunk on a bike.

The point is that I suddenly find myself with options. I'm getting interviews-- and follow-up interviews. I'm getting positive feedback, and if I cross my fingers (andmaybemytoes) and wiggle my nose, I might even get a job offer-- or two or three. And that means I get to decide if I want to be University or Public-oriented. And if I want to live in the Pacific Northwest, or if anyplace north of south will do. I get to decide where I live (sort of) and how I spend my new (upcoming, when I get a job) income. I get to decide what committees to join (usually-- some of them are automatic 'cause I'm the new guy and nobody else will take that one)... I have choices.

And it's scaring the be-jezus out of me.
How the hgell do I know???!

The one thing I HAVE figured out is that I'm going to have fun wherever I end up. Because I'll be a librarian, and because I'll have chosen that place for that period of time, and because I know how to make my own fun. I've managed to make any number of unsuitable jobs, work situations, living situations, and relationships work well past their go-bad-date. So one that actually suits me and feels good-- even if it isn't the BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME... Somehow I think it'll be okay. And THAT is a real relief.

I guess I'm choosing to succeed.
It feels good.
Scary-Good.

...And then it was gone...

No shigt, there I was. Trying really hard to be loving and fun, and trying even harder not to laugh at something that shouldn't be encouraged... two days from the end to my second career as a nanny... with three hours of sleep under my belt, in freezing cold temperatures, in the middle of a move that included one car accident, (yes, the one you already heard about), one falsely advertised $19.99 for one day truck rental (try $69 plus gas), two parents, three sick friends, one person's first experience with a frozen pizza, a freaked out psycho cat, and a highly efficient group of people who could not believe that I didn't really want EVERYPOSSIBLETHING to get moved in one go...

When suddenly, the "Stinky Bum Brigade Truck" ran through the house, and it's little boy engine sounds like this: "PPTTHhhhhhhbbbbtttttt".... I had no idea there was such a brigade, but let me tell you that if ever there was, it definitely started and ended in a house full of diapers and solid foods, and it sounded just like that. And... well... I hope that little boy learns some spit-control in his fart noises, or else starts handing out napkins to innocent bystanders when he pretends to be this one particular vehicle. That particular engine noise looks and feels every bit as juicy as it sounds.

And in that moment of complete deadstop when I learned about the Stinky Bum Brigade Truck, and my mind went "...uhhhh...", I realized how very lucky I am. How many people can say they have six friends in one town who would come to their house on a cold day to help them move, while suffering from major head colds, sore throats, thrown out backs, and sundry other commitments and challenges-- and who would still love them after realizing just how "creatively organized" the packing job had so far been.

Then the moment was over, and I discovered that the youngest has added yet another word to her growing vocabulary. "toot" And a new song (my fault, actually, but I learned long ago that the trick to easy diaper changes is to distract-- so I sing, and encourage toy-handling and other sundry oddities during diaper duty)... I think it originally was a few bars out of the Music Man musical... "shee-poopy, shee-poopy, shee-poopy".... but it's just so darn appropriate sometimes!

I think I need to start spending more time with adults.

Moving On

I've decided that Christmas Cards this year are a total wash. Just not on my top ten priorities list, and not likely to get there before February. Sigh. So I guess I'm saving myself some money for next year, right? Except next year, I had hoped to have time to MAKE my cards again, thus justifying some small portion of the ridiculous money I spent on stamps, paper, etc between 2004-2006. Oh, well. I think I really spent that money because it meant I could spent those four hours a month with a really cool group of non-military women. And for that, it was TOTALLY worth every penny.

In other news, I LOVE my new car. I haven't tabulated the gas mileage yet, but the fact that I was able to drive for something like five hours straight without going below 1/4 tank? Happy. I also find that I like being able to close the trunk, and know nobody can see all the crap I've stored there. And the 6 CD-changer is nice. And the built-in Blue Tooth capability. That's a new one on me. Built-in wireless phoning. On my steering wheel. But now that I've programmed in the voice-recognized phone numbers I'm most likely to call in heavy traffic (usually because that means I'm STUCK in heavy traffic, and going to be late), I think I'm a convert.

Especially with my recent commitment to SERIOUSLY SAFE DRIVING. SERIOUSLY. I wasn't sure I'd be okay talking on the phone (or any other not-so-safe thing you always end up doing in the car) ever again after the accident, but... well... Being able to push a single button and start talking to the air, and then push another single button and be disconnected-- I feel fairly safe with that system.

Now all I need is a frog. Bumper sticker. For my car. To replace the one I lost with the CR-V. And I have to decide whether or not it'd be a good thing to put my "I heart herbs!" bumper sticker on my car. Especially since I do buy dried herbs like lavender and comfrey and peppermint and Nettle from a local herbalist on a fairly regular basis... It's like the time a friend found my stash of unsweetened finely-grated coconut in the glove compartment. A nice fine white powdery blob of COCONUT in a little plastic baggie... Yeah.

Anyway, Did I tell you I found three different emergency medical kits in the CR-V when I cleaned it out? I threw out the moldy one (yuck!), and put the best of the remaining two into the new vehicle. Once I get my little sample carpet square back in the trunk (for if I get stuck on ice or in snow-- before that I had clumping cat litter. I hadn't really thought that one thru...), I'll be good to go. After all, it IS winter.

I've agreed to nanny through January. I'm determined to actually do the 2-3 posts a week I was originally hired to do for LJ online. I've got a short web-design job lined up for an aunt of mine, and I'm moving to a new temporary apartment until I get a full time job, or until it stops being a good place for me to be. I'm also trying to cut my belongings (clothing, books, furniture, archives, sundry craft supplies, and paper-saving tendencies) down by about 1/3 before I move. Somehow, being done with school has not had the "time-suddenly-available" effect on my life that I'd hoped for.

And somewhere in all this, I still do need to be applying for actual LIBRARIAN JOBS. I'm really determined that my next real job will pay more than $10 an hour. Like, maybe, $20-30 an hour instead. After all, I have a terminal master's degree now. And I'm going to be paying for it for a long time. Loooooooooooonnnngggggggg Tiiiiiimmmmmmeee

Yes.Terminally.

Beyond that, I feel rather silly, and thought I'd share the laugh with you-- at myself, as usual. See, I was starting to realize that I don't want too much furniture that I can't lift (or at least shove back and forth) by myself. And I want to give back to people all the stuff they've been so great about loaning me over the last two years. So I'm planning to return the borrowed, customized, 300 lb TV to my really awesome friend H. And with that gone, I started to wonder how I'd watch my "relax and vegetate" movies... so I thought about getting a new cheap TV (they don't exist), or maybe just a computer screen (totally possible, but actually MORE expensive), and then I remembered that some guy at a party said it was cheaper for him to just get a projector and project his movies on the wall... (yeah, right)... So I called an expert. Well, actually, I called the expert's wife. (Hi James!) And he clarified that it is VERY expensive to buy a computer screen with normal DVD-player hookups in it. But, he agreed with his wife that I could probably watch my DVDs on MY EXISTING COMPUTER for quite a few months before I wore out the DVD/CD drive. Oh.

Right. I HAVE a computer that can play movies. Duh.
Thank goodness I talked to a few sensible people before I went and broke my budget. Again. And actually, having tested it, my computer has better resolution and clearer sound than the really really BIG TV that I'm borrowing. And I can lift it, all by myself. So now I'm wondering if they don't make external computer DVD-reading hard drives for cheap... so I can keep from wearing out the one inside my computer. And I'm not quite sure what to do with my perfectly good fairly new DVD player. Also, I realize that I'm going to miss the personalized cup-holder in the old TV. Somewhat.

The Phonebook Incident

So... One of my best friends is getting married soon, and we just had her bachelorette party. Excellent naughty cupcakes, let me tell you! Made me think back to some of the events surrounding my own wedding (back before the divorce and all)... Things that were crazy-making at the time, but are just so FUNNY now that so much time has passed!

Like when they forgot to deliver the wedding cake on the morning of, or when all the guys in the wedding party got drunk and shaved their heads the night before, or those hikers who got locked out of their car and wanted to make that phone call in the middle of the ceremony... Or the pie-eating incident...

The one that really made me laugh, though, was the memory of my leg waxing. Now, normally, a leg-wax is more of a scream than a laugh, but this was different. Well, not that different. I think there was actually a lot of screaming going on at the time. You see-- my mom made the appointment for me about two weeks before I got into town-- and didn't write it down anywhere. So there we were-- me and three frantic bride's maids-- trying to jog my mom's erstwhile memory, hunting for clues about who she might have called for my leg wax, and hoping I wasn't already late. I think we called two or three places in town and asked if they had an appointment for me on their books before I found the pencil dot next to one in particular in the phonebook she'd used.

That may have been the most stressful fifteen minutes of the whole weekend. Thank goodness she had remembered the time wrong, too! Man, is that a funny memory now. Adventures with mom. I tell you, there is nothing like laughing at old and now irrelevant memories to remind me how good it is to be single ... and independent.

... and how lucky I am to have such good friends to laugh and remember with...

Babe, I'm wishing you a beautiful wedding, to go with your beautiful relationship. One full of happy calm moments, and free from all those unexpected memories that are only funny a few years after the fact. Love you both.

oh, and by the way, thank you all for NOT telling me those stories until after the wedding was over and the guests had gone home. I'm not sure I could have handled the pressure as well as you all did, under the circumstances.

Coincidentally

I've been reading this book called Your Money or Your Life, by Joe Dominguez and Vicki Robin. A good friend gave it to me about five or six years ago, and I'm finally mature enough to read it. (Hi, L!) The book talks about how a budget is a lot like a diet. You deprive yourself and skimp, and it works- for a month or maybe two. Then you feel you've been so good-- you can relax. And you go right back to your old spending habits. So you start a new budget. Hmmm.... Sounds familiar....

The book was written in the 1980's, from what I can tell, or at least-- a lot of their examples come from that time. So in some ways, I'm trying to maintain a current perspective while taking in the intended lesson of some of the financial examples cited in the book. Like the time that Cindy Soandso realized she was buying a pair of shoes a week and not wearing them. And on her budget, you can see she was also paying $200 in rent per month. Yeah, right. Or how this nice military man and his wife wanted a big family and a home in the country-- and on a budget of less than $30,000 a year, they saved up $45,000 in seven years, while having four children and paying off $25,000 in debts. So I figure now, that would mean an income of around $45,000 a year, and only two children. I mean, really. If I try to believe that $30,000 can support a family of six plus a 20% savings plan for a YEAR in 2007-- I will probably stop reading this book.

The book isn't about setting yet another budget. It's actually about calculating how much time/energy you spend on your current life style, and being accountable to your dreams/goals/values for the way that energy/time is spent. It's about changing your relationship with money and with the time you spend earning it. Dominguez and Robin say that all you need is enough-- and just a little bit extra. The hard part is that our culture teaches us to have endless appetites for buying. The phrase "more is better" simply means that you'll never have enough to be happy. Once you attain it, you want something else-- something more. Because more is better.

Instead, pay attention, and notice what is enough. What is important to you in your life? Do you need another foodiddler to reach that goal or have that experience you really care about? Probably not. One of my favorite tools in the book so far is the Purpose-in-Life Test. Originally formulated by Viktor Frankl, a Nazi death camp survivor, this test helps you determine if you have a strong sense of life-purpose or meaning, and if you have found ways to live your life according to that awareness.

One of my favorite questions on the test was this: "Facing my daily tasks is: a source of pleasure and satisfaction/ neutral/ a painful and boring experience." It really made me stop and ask myself why I spend so much time not enjoying my life. Frankl's book is called, Man's Search for Meaning, just in case you want to check it out. I haven't yet. I'm too busy planning world domination on $50 a week. And besides, I (just barely) have a clear sense of purpose, according to the test results. I'll take that and run with it!

I stopped about half-way through the book to go get my weekly groceries. Step One: record all expenditures to the penny for a month. I filled my water jugs. ($1.40) I got gas. ($34.79) I stopped at a local used book store for a book my mom wants, and found a great little expenditure recording notebook. ($12.37) Coincidence #1: the book she wants is on sale this week. I realized I was supposed to meet my cousin at 3pm to pick up her Christmas Gift to me (time-sensitive), so I rushed over there.

So far, I was very cheerful, optimistic, not too hungry to food shop, totally pleased to get out of the multi-everything store with JUST WATER, and working hard to remember and record everything I spent. Then I drove through downtown in nearly rush hour traffic-- on a SATURDAY, and got pretty grumpy. I also got hungry and thirsty. Bad combo. Cousin's phone was busy so I knew she'd be in. She wasn't in. I tried to find a corner of downtown to hang out in for five minutes in hopes that she'd be back, but everywhere I went, SOMEONE WAS BEHIND ME trying to drive forward. I headed back to Trader Joe's. In nearly rush hour traffic. My cousin called about 20 minutes later. She's home now, where am I? Coincidence #2: She ran to the bank for 10 minutes, and we JUST MISSED EACH OTHER!!!

I hang up and turn into the parking lot of TJ's. Everyone is at TJ's today. Everyone. And they brought their friends along too. In separate cars. Even my brother was there. Seriously. We drove past each other in search of parking. (Coincidence #3.) I haven't seen my brother in a couple of months. So we shopped together (enlightening to say the least-- $19.77 for my groceries this week! Helps that Thanksgiving is at someone else's place.) and then headed out to a late lunch together. Coincidence #4: We actually both had time to catch up right then, and we'd both missed lunch! That was pretty darn cool.

So today I started the process toward financial intelligence. To the tune of $68.33. That's probably about a hundred dollars less than I spent last Saturday. Coincidentally, today was also the day I received my ex's lump-sum payment (less than $5,000) and legal paperwork ending our alimony arrangement about six months early. Talk about financial freedom! It's not that I can afford to do anything with this money but continue hoarding it for car payments over the next six months... it's that I don't have to hope he sends the money, or wait for it to arrive, or wonder if he'll stop paying in May or June, or... Nope. My life, and the time I spend in it, is mine to delineate. And I just regained control of my budget, too.

Coincidence? I think NOT!

Approaching Normal

My good friend, Gussie Finknottle, and I went to the Gardens yesterday. We thought we'd catch the Fall Colors, but I guess we were a little early. It was beautiful, as always, though, and we sipped green tea and noshed on lavender-flavored chocolate in one of the enclosures in the Garden. That is a day I want to repeat as often as possible.

As we wandered down to Gussie's favorite bench, we passed a man deep in meditation by the falls. I thought nothing of it until he, in turn, wandered past us as we sipped our tea. He was a good looking man. He was alone. He was about my age. Gussie and I had fun admiring his many fine attributes after he'd walked past. I suspect he may have heard some of what we said because he showed up in many of the places we went after we'd finished our tea and taken our pictures. He has very nice eyes, and a really gentle smile. I know because we achieved eye-lock in passing.

The funny part is that I had no idea what to DO about it. I felt shy about approaching him-- and what the heck do you say to a guy you've never met??? You have nice eyes, here's my phone number? How old are you, and are you currently in a relationship because I don't want to ask out a married man who's twice my age? (or, conversely, who it's technically illegal for me to date) ... I guess maybe he was also unsure of what to do about our little non-existent interaction... because we never did do more than bump into each other and smile a lot.

And I'm actually pretty disappointed that I didn't take the opportunity. How likely is it that I'll run into him again in THIS town?! It certainly never happened before. I'd remember him. And really-- what IS normal when it comes to approaching someone you think you'd like a chance to know better?

I still don't know, but at least I have a sort of a plan if I find someone interesting in my path again. I'm going to go up to him (a good way to start, non?), and ask if he works around here. Tell him I was feeling shy about asking a stranger on a date, but maybe if I run into him again once or twice, he'll ask me instead. I figure a mix of honesty and humor can't be bad, and if he tells me he IS seeing someone or married or working at K-mart after school (high school), well, at least I didn't ask him out on a date, and I know where NOT to go to avoid seeing him again. I think it's a good plan. I think this because at least now I HAVE a plan.

And... in the meantime... I might just plan to hit the Gardens again next Friday.
... Just in case.

YAY!

So I did my first official library event today-- my first all by myself not at the library event, that is. And I think it was a success. I feel good. And thank goodness a couple of volunteers showed up to help! I hope I didn't take over too much, because I was SO glad to have more than just me at that table. Especially with all the little kids using glue at the same time!

We made puppets. We colored in big bubble letters. We stuck stickers everywhere. And we handed out info on age-appropriate books and the Unknown Public Library. We also got to pet a turtle and a hedgehog, watch the hula dancers, and stay dry in the rain while the orchestra performed. Free face painting, too. What could be better on a Sunday afternoon?!

Oh, and I even got to read one of the storytime stories I'd brought-- to an audience of one freaked out little kindergartener, and his grateful teenage cousin. It was a definite success.

Now I just have to muster enough energy to do my homework. Riiiight.

For Peace of Mind

I'm slowly, arduously striving toward a cleaner, simpler, healthier and less cluttered life. As part of my efforts, I started to think about those basic things that could be done to make life easier, less complicated, and more peaceful on a daily basis. Here's what I came up with, in no particular order. I laughed after I wrote the list, but I also think it's a good guide for me to check back with on occasion-- I'd like to be a high achiever in the "peace of mind" category, too.

THINGS TO DO FOR PEACE OF MIND:

• Yearly Credit Check
• Yearly Exam
• Back up the Hard Drive Again
  
• Weekly Self-Exam
• Laugh More (with friends is good)
  
• Get the oil changed and the wiper blades replaced sometimes
• Listen to good music on a good sound system
  
• Walk More, Gossip Less
• Keep your tax packets from past years together in one place
• Use a pop-up reminder program for birthdays
• Own 3 pairs of sunglasses
• Get your pet fixed
• Have comfey dining chairs
• Take a daily multivitamin that tastes good
• Buy Organic Foods
• Wake up 5 minutes earlier
  
• Get to know your neighbors
• Rent a Safety Deposit Box
• Floss
• Keep your favorite children's books handy
• Throw out the skinny jeans, the fat jeans, and the itchy designer sweaters (anything you are keeping out of guilt-- doesn't fit, cost a lot, a recent gift, what if, never wear it but...)
• Own a shredder
• Set up a savings account with auto deposit from your checking each month
• Collect Memories, not stuff
• Schedule Alone Time, Beach Rambles and Tea Breaks, Too
  
• Smile when they want to take your picture, even if you feel like a drowned rat
  
• Don't burn candles on plastic surfaces
• Change your pillow case more often than your sheets
• Switch to Frozen Yogurt
• Plan to sleep in sometimes
  
• Dream.
  

Gimme a D

Here we go-- second official 3BT blog! (three beautiful things-- check it out, browse the links, get happy)

• Bra Fittings at Nordstrom
• Fine-tip pens that don't smear
• Google Maps (I FOUND IT! I got there without getting lost!!! YAY!!!-- or is that #4?)

Spread the joy.

Too Much

About responsibility...

There is such thing as too much. And... sometimes I wonder if I'm really ready to be an adult. I've been one for a long time now (by my standards)... and I often find myself letting important things go because I just can't seem to get to them. I still manage to watch my corny movies, though. What kind of prioritizing is THAT?

It just strikes me that there is a lot more to being an adult than one sometimes wants to admit. It is a lot easier to feel bad about your ability to prioritize than to acknowledge that you might be trying to do more than you can handle, and that you might still have some personal issues to work through before you reach your full productive capacity. I sure don't want that to be true-- I think I SHOULD be able to handle what I've committed myself to achieving at this point in my life. The evidence so far is against me, though.

For example, I've learned the hard way that I can't handle 3 online classes at the same time. I just can't keep the details of each classes' requirements and system set-up in my head for three classes in one semester. I actually dropped a class in the Fall last year because of this reality. Even knowing it, I still had to struggle through three classes last semester-- if I wanted to graduate this December, and not incur another $7,000 in debt for ANOTHER semester of school. Luckily, I can take the two classes at a time that I can actually handle for the last two semesters here. Plus work. Plus internships that I have to arrange and apply for ahead of time. Plus the final project stuff that doesn't count as a class, but takes about the same amount of time.

This semester's struggle with 3 classes cost me something. I'm actually on academic probation because it is unacceptable to receive a C grade in grad school, and I did. In my favorite class. Because I forgot that this particular professor didn't always put the full assignment information into the syllabus, and that we had instead to check the online turn-in location for additional instructions-- and remember to SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE LONG PAGE to be sure we had all the info on the assignment. So I turned in a 100-point assignment with only one of the three required sections completed. Because I only knew about the one section listed in the syllabus. Shigt. Otherwise, I might have had an A.

At the same time as I am working on an internship, planning my next internship, preparing my resume for the need to being applying for jobs, and expecting school to start up again Monday... I am trying to pursue my art. The thing I can lose myself doing because I love doing it so much. The thing I could soon be selling at a profit-- if I can find the time to finish some of my projects and market them to the folks who've already expressed interest.

Also, I have friends. I'd like to keep them. So I spend some time-- much-enjoyed and much-appreciated time-- with them. And I have an apartment to maintain, and food to buy and cook and eat, and a lot of emotional baggage to work through. Not the least of which is concerns that have arisen in the past while about the health and well-being of various close and much-loved family members. Oh, and did I mention that I work 20 hours a week? And have a side job writing intellectual blogs for an online magazine three times a week? (www.libraryjournal.com) And that I've got no financial aid for school because I'm on academic probation? No stress there, right?

It's just too much. And yet, there isn't really anything I can drop. Stop spending time with friends? Yeah- and go stark raving nuts in a matter of weeks. Stop working? And eat what-- toenails?

See, the thing is-- I signed up for all this. And I need to see it through. All of it. Because this is my future we're talking about. My ability to get a job that offers both satisfaction in my work, and some sort of health care and retirement benefits, while paying an actual living wage for a single income family. So while I'm working hard to keep a stiff upper lip that actually curves UP and not down, there are definitely many moments when I wonder what the hegll I'm doing wrong here, and if I'm really qualified to be an adult. I hope it gets easier, because I don't think I can take it getting any harder. Oh. I just remembered. It's the first of the month. My rent is due. Right.

Well, that's all the time I have to spend on feeling sorry for myself today. Check back another time for a cheery, humorous, and uplifting post. I'm about due to have one. Any time now. Really.

Sad

So I'm back at my Spring Cleaning-- which I started mid-finals, and then gave up when I realized I'd recycled two (not one- but TWO) wedding invitations. Spent about a week with my head in the sand recuperating and regrouping for the Summer Semester... and now I'm back at it.

Spring Cleaning.

I bring this up because I'm now at my desk (obviously, as I'm typing)-- cleaning it off and wondering how dirty the surface will be when I get down that far-- and I have discovered a wide variety of to-do lists. My favorite has only one item on it, but places for more things I never got around to writing down, and obviously intended to. The first thing on the list? "--Write things down!"

Okay-- that's just sad.

Only in Oregon

My Macintosh Computer is faster, easier to use, more intuitive, better-organized, has fewer bugs, is harder to screw up by mistake, never had a blue screen of death, has cleaner graphics, windows is based off the operating system of a mac, and on and on. I love my mac. Wouldn't trade it for the world, and I am very familiar with IBM computers. Currently, it's also my sound system, my education system, my social system (via the internet), and a piece of art.

And yet, for my schooling, I have had to switch between three THREE browsers in order to be able to access the buttons on the blackboard program over the last three semesters... because I use a Mac. And now? The only browser that currently works can't find its server. At all.

Folks, this is FINALS WEEK. In fact, I have today to write a major final paper, and tomorrow to write the last one of the semester. And I have an all-day class through my local community college on Saturday, visit my folks Sunday, and have my first day at my new internship for library world on Monday. This is a BAD TIME for my browser connection not to work.

(Update: It's not the browser-- it's the TWU server. No server. No TWU access. No library link. No paper. NOOOOOooooo....)

Not only that, but the LJ blog I'm contributing to just went live today-- YAY-- and I can't type in my own blog entries... because I have a Mac. Not the fault of LJ at all-- in fact, they've been working tirelessly to get a patch to this problem because I'm not their only mac-using contributor. And today? I can't even login to the blog tool for LJ. Great. I was going to use that money to finally get new contacts and maybe a long-overdue dental cleaning. I need my teeth.

I'm just getting fed up.

Beyond that-- this week I nannied Tuesday AND Wednesday-- two 10-hour days in a row, with a total of 4 hours of driving between work and home. And know what? Little 6 month old E. is sick with the same head cold that 2-year-old N. gave me last week. I'm not quite over it yet, and starting to wonder about things like "how expensive is ear infection medicine if you don't have health care?"

And N.? He's two. And the tantrums have started. Oh, yes. Let me tell you, he has LUNGS. On Tuesday the one that sticks out in my mind (over all the other ones) is the one where I gave him a special treat of 3 craisins (forbidden after breakfast)-- which he happily mixed into his yogurt (also a special treat-- because he finished his veggies at lunch). Then he ate the three bites of yogurt with craisins in it, and demanded more craisins. No dice. Sorry. Lucky you to get yogurt, though! ...

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH (with a little whining at the start and end, and a lot of big tears). "Yogurt is a special treat, N. So you can stop whining and enjoy the rest of your yogurt, or you can go have a time out to calm down." He picked time out. PICKED IT OVER YOGURT. So he got to sit in his "time out chair" until he calmed down. Which was a loud process, and took a while. I spent the time cleaning up lunch. With a six-month old, that can take a while, too. N. came back to the table. Where was the yogurt?? Oh- well, you didn't want it anymore, so I put the rest of it in the garbage. That's what happens when you don't want something-- it goes away.

.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..... It was a long day. That was Tuesday.

Wednesday? Yeah. Wednesday, he was really REALLY jealous of "all the attention" his little sister was getting-- the sick 6-month-old. Who just crawled for the first time, getting a black eye in the process, and has really not complained much at all about the nasty head cold she has and only gets held when we feed her a bottle now because of N.'s jealousy issues. And she just deals with it, with a smile for any attention she does get. He spent most of the day trying to act like a baby and taking toys away from E. and taking great joy in telling her NO WHINING, E.! over and over again. She was very confused. She hadn't been whining.

Luckily, this was also Wednesday. I love cats.

This is John Henry. He's the one who is bigger than the soccer ball. His brother, Scooter, is the one whose butt was the same height as the dining chairs. My hands did eventually get washed, by the way. (I have time to tell you all this and download these great photos because the TWU server is still down. I checked.)

So now I need to get online-- into the TWU online library databases and find myself 15-20 citations of recent Library Literature-- scholarly articles about library stuff, usually written by librarians, and published in library magazines-- that support my project proposal for my local public library-- which proposal was unknowingly dictated by a series of weekly projects about different facets of a professional project proposal over the course of the semester. We couldn't rewrite one of the facets for the proposal we've now decided on-- no. We had to pick five of the existing short papers we already wrote (out of about twelve), and explain why each was relevant to the project we were doing. So I'm not doing the project I'd like to do today-- one that would be easy to find Library Lit about. No. I'm doing the only topic I actually wrote a full five short papers about (or almost about).

And I can't access the online TWU library databases because the only internet access thingy that currently works with TWU's system (yeah- they don't tell you when they switch which program they are supporting, either-- that was a fun two weeks earlier this semester!-- HELP MY BUTTONS ARE DISAPPEARING... what? Use Safari? Last semester you told me to throw Safari out because you only supported Firefox for mac-users. The semester before that, all I could use was IE. You're sure? And you say it's ALWAYS been Safari?...right...) CAN'T FIND ITS SERVER.

...sigh...

Well, I feel better. There is something about just COMPLAINING without having someone try to tell you how to fix your problem that really helps it be a problem you can go back and deal with for a bit longer. I mean, really. Just getting acknowledgment that the situation sux-- it DOES suck. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to make it work anyway. And with that in mind, I'm going back online (safari doesn't support google, so I can't enter my blogs in that program...) to see if Safari is back on line yet. So I can finish my paper. So I can pass the class. And start writing the next paper.

Did I tell you about driving home from work last night? (a much happier topic than my final papers, so let's ruminate here for a bit) It was classic Oregon weather. I mean-- yeah, the Northwest is known for it's Rain etc... but each State (I've lived in them all, including some quality time in the State of Insanity) has its own flavor. And you dress a little differently for each one. In California, you bring a sweater just in case it gets cold, or if you are in a really air conditioned building. In Washington, you have an umbrella, and you bring your close-toed shoes to cross the parking lot to your car after work.

But in Oregon... so there I was, driving home from 10 hours of screaming high maintenance with about five different colors of body fluid and baby food on my shirt... The sun was out, but the wind was up. I got blown around on the road a bit. Then it started to rain. Then I had to switch the wipers to DOUBLE-HEAVY-DUTY so I could sorta see the tail lights of the car in front of me through the groundswell and the rain. Then the sun came out, and there was a gorgeous double rainbow. Which I took pictures of through my windshield. As I drove, the end of the rainbow came to rest on the hood of my car. It was magickal. Then it started hailing. Not quite the size of marbles. The sound inside my car was deafening. There in rush-hour traffic on a main highway... and the rain mixed in with the hail, and some of it hit the windshield more like snow... and then it was the HEAVY RAIN again, and then the sun came out for a while longer. After that, it was mostly wind and drizzle. Wow. I felt like I'd gone through a thorough cleansing and rebirth. The whole thing was beautiful. Happy May! And really... what good would an umbrella have done in THAT?

So, yeah. In Oregon, you layer. This is what we do every day, because who KNOWS what the weather will bring. A t-shirt in case it warms up or your car sits in the sun all day and gets HOT. A sweatshirt because it's going to be cold in the morning and cold once the sun goes back down, and cold if some fool has switched on the A/C already this year in some of the buildings. You bring a change of socks because it doesn't matter what kind of shoes you are wearing, your feet will get soaked. You bring an umbrella if you are trying to preserve makeup and a delicate hair-do. You bring a gortex raincoat if you're a real Oregonian, and you forget to put the hood up unless it's REALLY RAINING. Those zip-off pants were made for Oregonians. They save us having to find a bush to change our pants behind when it gets HOT, or COLD-- as it does frequently throughout the day here, most of the time. Of course, if you go that way, you might have to shave off that warm winter layer of leg hair... at least below the knee...

Have I ever told you about the two weeks my senior year of high school-- and all the things that kept us going home early and getting days off? Two weeks-- I kid you not-- we got out of school for high winds, flooding, snow, someone set fire to the school- twice- AND there were a couple of days where temperatures hit 80* in those weeks, too. Only in Oregon.

Okay. Time to stop procrastinating and go write papers and things. Maybe my new Legally Blonde CD will help... Nothing like a little Girl Power to get your mojo going. Especially when what I really want is a nice nap to the sound of the rain... or in the warm sun from my window... or most probably- both. Photos of said double rainbow through windshield will be forthcoming. Not sure how the ones I tried to take of the hail turned out, though...

Here's the double rainbow-- the "shadow" one is to the left of the primary. They are both amazing works of art. No, the TWU website is not up yet. So I'm playing with pictures. I might even get a shower in today if this keeps up! Wow.

The other half of the rainbow, on the way past.

Self-entertainment, thy name is "Librarian."

By the way, my mystery plant-- the one from this winter that Abbigale didn't manage to eat before I transplanted it outside (in the middle of winter)-- it is definitely a sweet pea vine. The evidence was delicious.

He Thinks He's A Gift

So. (I say this every time because it's my way of pausing to organize my thoughts before you have to start reading them. Considering how they come out, aren't you glad you can't hear what I'm THINKING??)

So we all have that little list of things we're going to buy ourselves someday, right? It might not even be written down-- it might just be this wish list you keep in your head. Which is great, as far as it goes. But lately, I've been getting frustrated grunts from friends and family when things like my birthday or Christmas come near (Can I just tell you that my cat did an unintentional back flip off her favorite chair, and decided that meant it was a good time for a nibble at her food bowl? Nothing like the need to save face!)... err... what was I going off about?

Right. Wish lists.

My mom actually wants to give me something I'd like to get (she's actually been wanting this for a good two years now-- in fact, last Christmas, she got me three of everything, just in case I didn't like two of them. "Now, if you don't like it, this isn't your gift."), and my costar friend has realized that I might tell her one day that I really want the soundtrack to Legally Blond, but that by the following Thursday, it's about 35% likely that I've just gone ahead and gotten it for myself.

See, I have that list in my head like everyone else... it's just that "a solar-powered house" isn't easy to gift wrap. And all the little stuff- well, if I know I want it-- it's because I want it NOW. I've never been good at waiting like that. In fact, I used to pack for trips a good week or two before the family was going to leave, just so the clothes I wanted to bring would still be clean and stuff. And because I just couldn't WAIT that long with the "I want to bring THIS" sticky note yelling inside my head. Yeah. I literally wouldn't be able to sleep until I knew that everything I needed for the trip was ALREADY PACKED.

Luckily, the Army cured me of this. There we'd be, 3am, searching for THE OTHER PAIR OF SOCK CLIPS (these are like mini green bungee cords with metal hooks the size of your baby toenail on each end. You fasten them around the outside of your pants to get that regulation "folded-over" look down by your boots, and to cut off any remaining circulation to your feet. They were basically little elastic belts for your pant leg. The argmy is so weirdly vain!) so my then-husband could be all packed and regulation ready to go by 5am, having gotten the call at midnight that they WERE REALLY GOING at 5am on Friday instead of 3pm on Saturday like they'd promised. And, painful as it was (have I told you that I'm allergic to coffee?), it actually WAS good practice for when my then-husband did have to go to war in Iraq. They just didn't prepare him to find all his little gear-shit at the last minute WITHOUT ME. But that's another story.

Anyway, the point is that today I finally got online and started one of those online wish lists where you provide a link to the EXACT ITEM you want, and anybody who knows your name can go look it up. Yup. Just go visit (shudder) amazon.com and type in my name (my real one, with an i, not y, and two l's and two t's), and you can see the parts of my wish list that I've so far managed to quantify. I've even found the perfect lockable safe so that if my papers are ever threatened by a flood and a house fire at the same time, they'll survive. For an hour.

In the process, I found that it's actually quite difficult for me to quantify what I want. And that often, I'd find something similar to what I want... but not quite right. For instance. Do I wear a size 9, 10, or 11 in women's hiking socks? I have no idea. So I asked for one of each. Because you couldn't just select the socks, or the color of socks, that you wanted. This is not a casual day dream believer's list. This is serious stuff. This is accurate. This is exact. Good lord, did I remember to pack the hairdryer?! I've only got 3 months left to finish packing the list!! And I'm probably not going to get any sleep tonight, either. Sigh.

Well, at least I got the important stuff down. Like The Mummy Returns on DVD, and a new HDTV TV so I can own my own TV for once (because, of course, the one I am currently borrowing works perfectly fine, and therefore must be replaced), and a set of really REALLY useful metal shelves on casters so I can rearrange my own furniture. Yup. The important stuff.

Ya know, hard as I looked, I couldn't find an entry for world peace, and there wasn't one for clean air to breath, or unpolluted and unchlorinated water to drink... I'm too impatient to wait for someone else to buy me organic vegetables, so those didn't go on the list-- I get them every Saturday at my local Farmer's Market. But, man, the water sure would have been nice to add to the list. My cat pukes every time I forget to give her bottled water, and use the stuff from my kitchen tap. Yes. You heard me. My cat drinks bottled water. And, after discovering the REASON for all the puking (and falling in total love with the Green Machine I bought for the duration), I now drink bottled water, too. You can refill your old water jug for less than the price of a stamp down at the local grocer.

And that's another thing! Did you know the price of stamps is going up? AGAIN??
Another two cents. Mid May. The man in the iron mask told me the last time I went to visit him through the metal bars and ask for postage. If you thought 39 cents was odd, wait 'till you see 41 cents! Who's going to have change to get one of THOSE out of a vending machine?!

...Actually, he told the guy ahead of me in line, and then when it was my turn, I asked for some two cent stamps, since the price of postage was going up. The mail man behind the iron bars was so relieved to NOT have to tell me about it that he actually smiled. While inside his little "I might go postal, so don't ask why the bars are here" cage. Smiled. Wow. Maybe they could make it an even 50 cents, and make all the extra go to the public school system and the public libraries and other social services. That'd be nice. Maybe pigs fly. They make their own beds, you know. Honest. The pigs, that is. I wouldn't bet on the postal workers.

And what have I learned from all this? Well, just now I learned that "wishlist" is two words. That's important. I also learned that the most important things aren't always easy to find. They have to be created by the cooperative efforts of a whole lot of people. So they aren't easy to quantify, either. I also learned that I could probably add to the "I want that" list for a very very long time. It makes me feel all materialistic and selfish. It also made me realize that I no longer own a sleeping bag. Hmm. And come to think of it... I haven't felt the lack, either. I wonder what else around here I could go around NOT LACKING for the next few years...

So why, you ask, does he think he's a gift? Well... if you've ever met that guy who thinks you really should fall in love with him and be happy to go make out in the back of his car-- just by looking at him-- then you've met that guy who thinks he's a gift. What does this have to do with the post? Absolutely nothing. Thank goodness.

I tell you, I am SO not ready to date yet!
(But don't worry folks-- I'm happy, hearty, and whole. All I need in my life... is more bookshelves. And maybe a DVD of The Mummy Returns. I went out and ordered the soundtrack for Legally Blonde yesterday. It was part of my new years resolution, so I sorta felt justified on that one. After all. I've waited four months.)