The Other Family

Crazy. I think if you get to know a family well enough, we all have our special brands of crazy. I know my family does. And it was no different with GB's family. In fact, his family tend to wear THEIR crazy in plain view on their forehead-- kind of like the old cartoons of the kamakazi pilots with the white bandanna and the red dot.

The good news is that I got the official stamp of approval from just about everyone except the youngest brother, who clearly has trouble believing that anyone could like GB once they get to know him. The bad news is that after a while, I got the feeling that they all thought I was upper class or somehow better than GB and his family, and that is why they were so excited that he was dating me. Also, his dad seems to think it's my fault that GB is happier since moving out of Sacramento-- and he put responsibility for GB's continued happiness squarely on my shoulders as often as GB left the room.

I just don't think of myself as better or worse than others-- The competition I carry in my head is with myself. How can I improve? What can I do or contemplate or work on today that will make me a better person than I was before? Am I living up to my own standards? Also, I refuse to take responsibility for the happiness of others. Which is different from taking responsibility for how my actions or words affect others. Everything that is making GB happier than he was when he lived with them-- it's stuff he's accomplished or overcome or earned on his own merit.

But anyway, we spent time with the family-- which was the whole point of the trip-- and I totally fell in love with his Grandmother. And we saw some awesome natural wonders while we were at it. I got the scoop on main street, saw the locations of many an exciting moment in GB's personal history, and I met a few of the folks that pepper GB's stories about that same personal history. Hiked part of Horsetail Falls just west of Lake Tahoe. Visited the lake itself, including Emerald Bay which really is a beautiful shade of green.

Discovered that GB is a great roadtrip companion, and enjoyed every day of our trip until the last. I was pretty short on sleep, sore from hiking and all that driving we did, and well-- I was just basically grumpy on the drive back home. And I feel terrible whenever my grumpy comes out around other people-- and there we were, trapped together in a car or in my parents' living room (flying visit on the way north) from 7am until I got home around 10pm Friday night.
ARGH! But GB was very sweet about it. Which somehow made my grumpy worse.

And you know how it goes-- When you meet folks for the first time, you want to make a good impression and find reasons to like the people your companion likes. It wasn't until yesterday that I actually started to think about the trip and recognize my personal reaction to everything that had happened and everyone I'd met.

The upshot is that I actually appreciate and respect GB's intelligence, integrity, and compassion even more NOW than I did before-- because it's obvious he's worked hard and without much support-- or many role models-- to become the man he is today. And somehow, he just doesn't think that what he's accomplished or who/how he chooses to be in the world is anything wonderful or special. It's just the right thing to do, the right way to live. And I agree-- but I don't think many people today actually spend the time and energy it takes to live their lives to that standard.

Call me cynical if you want. Then spend three days in a town where everyone goes armed because picking fights is normal. A town where most folks grow or are addicted to something illegal, bigotry is rampant, and nobody can afford to stop working until they die because no matter how many lottery tickets they buy, they still don't have enough money to pay the bills, health care, or a retirement fund. Welcome to the home of the original California Gold Rush.

Here is a short list of things GB's various relatives liked about me:

• I carry a pocket knife.
• I like rodeos.
• I offered to help with the dishes.
• My dad uses the word "fart."
• I eat sushi (because they know GB does, and they think its weird).
• My ex-husband was in the Army.
  
• I don't put ice in my water.
• I understand the difference between a single action and a double action pistol.
  
• I'm still young enough to give them grandbabies.

Oogling Goggles

When I first became a nanny, little Annabelle would wear her swim goggles when she wanted to look like me in my glasses. She was totally adorable, and I have this awesome photo of her using lotion and a baby wipe to "clean" the mirror, wearing a really cute little dress, leggings, and swim goggles. She was two at the time. GB wears HIS goggles when he's riding his motorcycle.

I've always secretly wanted to ride motorcycles. Okay, so it hasn't been much of a secret... but I don't tend to bring it up because a lot of my friends just wouldn't understand. And some women have insisted that I should want to ride my OWN motorcycle-- but what I really want is to ride behind somebody else on theirs. Preferably, somebody I'd be comfortable hugging for long periods of time. All the fun, none of the responsibility.

With this background, you might understand why I was rather excited to start dating a guy who rides. Except that he'd recently hurt his thumb (motorcycle accident), and couldn't... So even though we've been dating for a couple of months now, I have yet to take my first motorcycle ride. Maybe it's just not meant to be.

...But I'm still hoping.

Yesterday, we took the bike (he rode it, I drove behind just in case) to a repair shop for estimates. First time I've had opportunity to watch someone ride a bike for any period of time. Usually when I start to show interest in a motorcycle on the road, the rider tries to pick me up, so I've learned NOT to oogle strange motorcycle riders. sigh. But GB was fair game, and it took us a good 20 minutes to get where we were going. It totally whetted my appetite to ride all over again.

The funny thing is that he was in SUCH a better mood after his ride. I've got to convince that boy to either ride his bike or go for workouts in the gym on a regular basis. I much prefer him happy. I cannot, however, tell you whether or not he looks adorable in HIS goggles-- he forgot to wear them yesterday. It took some doing, but I finally convinced him to wear my sunglasses for the trip home, since it was a very sunny day, and the goggles are, apparently, tinted. BOYS!!! sigh...

Communi-Que?

Can I just tell you how much I love my writing group? And also Crazy Aunt Purl. And possibly a few other folks as well, but I haven't gotten very far in catching up on my emails lately, so I'll have to get back to you on that.

The e-correspondence for my writing group over the past few days looked something like this:

J: I think we're down two people this week, so probably that makes eight, plus the two of us who lead the writing group, so I think you need to bring ten copies of your work this week. But I could be wrong. (actually, she meant eight INCLUDING the two leaders, but five people showed up, plus the two leaders, so that made seven)

H: Sorry I missed y'all, but I had car problems, and I'm looking forward to next week.

D: Well, we all voted, and GOOD NEWS! Everybody except R decided to give you one last chance!

H: Where does R live?
(insert shark music here!)

D: Under the Chevy's downtown.

R: Hah! Joke's on you, D. I moved out from under the Chevy's as soon as you tracked me down. Well, actually, I just moved in deeper to avoid all the rats... And H? I misunderstood the vote. I thought we were voting to give you one last dance, and I didn't think it was fair that you were the only one getting to dance. Sorry.

H: Too late, R. Sleep with one eye open.

J: Oh, and thanks to H and D for giving me more background info on R when I give his intro at the Reading Event tonight!

OMFG-- I think I nearly coughed up a lung from laughing too hard with a head cold!

I realized why these folks are so helpful and so much fun when I bring in bits of my own story to read to them every Wednesday night. Then I read the latest blog entry for Crazy Aunt Purl. Again-- laughter can be such a healing medicine! I can't believe-- and yet I so CAN believe-- that she wrote a note to her auto mechanic while he was serving time "up north" because she had a question about converting her jeep from gas to vegetable oil (or maybe cat poop, since she has a ready supply of it).

Maybe I'm not so crazy for volunteering to help muck out a stable at a local farm just so I can see what farmlife is like-- and for writing that email that said, "Wow, you guys are cool! and also, if you are looking to hire a librarian with social skills, I'm available." to a local green home building company I found online.

In other news, I recently had an interview with a big city library system, so I could get on the list of folks they'll notify if they decide to accept applications for any open positions in their libraries. I was actually rather concerned that I'd flopped. Ninety minutes of interview, including a pointed grilling on my complete lack of knowledge about practical adult reference services, a book-talk presentation I put together with a teen audience in mind (I actually used a really cool hip word the interviewers didn't know-- don't tell them I made it up, k?), and an outline for a toddler storyhour, including a five-minute sample of my "storytime reading skills." I knew I represented myself and my skills fairly accurately... But I also know those skills are getting rusty with disuse, and it shows.

Imagine my joy and utter amazement to finally check email this afternoon, and find that I've qualified for ALL THREE AREAS of reference services-- adult, teen, and children. WAHOO!! Of course, now I'm waiting around to hear of any job openings that come up, and that they decide they'd like me to apply for. But I was impressed by the library system and the teen book selection there. I think I'd enjoy working for them, and I'm actually hoping to hear back soon.

You never know. Stranger things have definitely happened.

Snow Daze

Holiday greetings to everyone. I'm so excited that we have SNOW just now!! How often does THAT happen in December?!

Had a great talk with my good friend SLM recently, speaking of snow. We decided that anybody who is not us should not be driving in it. Because we both learned in Michigan winters, with snow and ice and wind, oh my! And therefore, our snow driving skills are superior. Especially when you consider that most of the folks on the road in the West just now learned to drive in California.

I had breakfast with another great friend of mine-- Big D-- this morning. He rode his bike on the icy streets. I drove my light-weight no-traction-anyway little car. We figure the only thing we have in common about transportation right now is that we both get out and walk on the hills.

And, while driving (very slowly) to meet him, I saw a lot of driving that made my teeth hurt. Idiots thinking that because they drive a truck with big-ass wheels, ice does not affect them. People who drove nice and slow and safe while moving, but didn't give themselves enough time to stop the vehicle (and thus went straight through the red light while the rest of us who DID manage to stop safely just watch them slide past). You know you're in the Pacific Northwest when the folks who accidentally slide through an intersection on a red light wave their thanks to the cars on either side for not hitting them. In Chicago, the fugcker flying through on the red just flips everyone else off on his way past.

Anyway, back to the great conversation I had with my friend SLM. We also came up with yet another awesome word to add to my personal vocabulary list: passenjerk. Because we've both had the misfortune to be stuck driving some fool and his opinions around in our cars. In fact, my X used to get more angry at me and be a bigger jerk toward me when we were driving than at most other times (there are exceptions). I think it was because he knew I couldn't escape at those times. Sad but true. If you're going to have a big-angry or difficult discussion? Don't do it while one of you is driving. Please. And make sure your breaks are working well beforehand. Trust me.

In the meantime, I'm really enjoying the wind and the white and the sparkly silence that come with winter weather here. Even the sun is more exciting when it snows beforehand. So, as I've been saying to my clients and friends alike: Happy Everything!!

ReconFiguring

I just love when I come up with a catchy title!!

Had an appointment to go play this morning-- wanted to have a good handle on where I'm at and how I feel about it before I went. About once every two months, I get together with the kids I used to nanny, and their mom, for a morning of activities that really take two attentive adults to pull off. This time, it was a HUGE PLAY STRUCTURE FORT THING with about six slides, lots of twisty turns, climbing opportunities, ropes, tunnels, ladders, HOLY CRAP this thing was cool!! OH-- and a nice swing set on the side. With two children under the age of four, you really do need an adult for each of them. Just to make sure they do okay on the stairs.

Mom always asks how my life is. Great people-- and I love catching up with the whole family whenever we can coordinate our schedules. But there it is. I chose to stop working for them. Eight months ago when I really put my job search into high gear. How is my life doing, now, really??

So I thought through it. I realized that if I'd actually gotten any of those distant library jobs, I would never have met the awesome group of folks who make up my primary social network just now. I would never have gotten into acupuncture (or... I don't THINK I would have...) and started healing my old neck injury. I would never have (again-- speculation) realized just how gifted a listener I can sometimes be... or turned it into my own business practice. I really thought I'd have to wait a few decades to put that aspiration into practice. BUT HERE I AM!!! And the biggest "oh. Hey!" of all? I would not still be around to recognize and cope with certain nameless family illnesses.

With all that in mind, I'm really glad that things have worked out the way they did. Granted, I'd now like to get a reliable source of income... but the awesome thing is that my perspective and knowledge of what that job might look like has expanded considerably, just in the last month. It may even be possible that more than one job exists out there that would benefit from MANY different aspects of my life experience, education, and training to date. And some of those jobs actually pay enough that I could live far far away, and fly home five or six times a year, without hocking my cat for collateral on a loan. I've been doing a bit of recon on that one...

Take Account Coordinating, for example. Here's a general job description:
Coordinates new and existing accounts, focusing on client satisfaction, revenue optimization, and account growth. Communicates with clients on a regular basis, providing support, marketing ideas, product updates, and reporting. Organizes advertising and coordinates scheduling and promotions to ensure client satisfaction and project completion. Assists Account Executives in maintaining and nurturing client relationships.

Supports account team in daily program management activities, such as media tracking, list building, Internet research, copy editing, crafting materials, coordinating scheduling and promotions, conducting pitch calls, developing data bases, implementing strategies and research projects, coordinating mailings, assembling press packets, training kits or other materials, and general office and client support. Participates in internal client brainstorming sessions by offering ideas for each project.

Makes recommendations to project lead on how to improve a project. Collaborates with project/team lead to effectively complete scope of work so that it is top quality but also within the terms of the contract. Assists in managing vendor relationships to ensure deliverables are produced accurately, on time, and within budget. Provides research, data consolidation, and recommendation development used to create internal reports, process documents, and/or industry trend reporting.

Serves as a liaison for the account team to marketing team members and the Corporate Communications Department for the dissemination of information. Executes strategies through writing, editing, proofreading, desktop publishing, and web content. Schedules client meetings and teleconferences for team and helps prepare materials for them. Coordinates event logistics. Represents organization at industry or skill specific meetings or conferences. Crafts audits that can be included in communications plans. Creates work plans, and meets project deadlines as set by team lead. Provides administrative support when necessary.

Now, take this description, and apply it to a company that promotes educational tools to schools, teachers, and students-- kindergarten through college. Does that NOT just put together every job I (or my entire extended family) have ever held, and allow me to do ALL the things I do best-- AT THE SAME TIME?! Even better, the low end of the pay scale starts at $50,000-- plus benefits. SHIT!!! Did they x-ray my LIFE before they wrote that or WHAT?!

Anyway, I'm excited that such a position exists, and that people who attain it are clearly appreciated for their contribution to the success of the team as a whole. THAT appeals to me. And, maybe, I'd be able to take enough time off to come home at regular intervals. To be and do here what I feel I must. To get hugs, get caught up, get fed, and stay in touch with all the wonderful people and places that I've come to love so well in the past eight months.

So far, when I finally got OUT of the hard times in my life, I realized that I'd gained in both opportunities and awarenesses-- parts of me that I would never have needed to uncover if life had been as easy as I'd hoped. With this new possibility (among others) on the horizon, it's easy to figure that maybe there's a beautiful silver lining to this "not-quite-employed" cloud I've been under for so long.

I'll keep you posted.

Travel Guide

I'm told that the Answer to life, the universe, and everything is 42. And that it'll take another million years to figure out what the Question actually was. And that first book really did have some great advice for travelers. A towel really is a comforting thing to have along-- and it can be put to any number of important uses. A good towel is worth a lot of money, and the time it takes you to pack and repack until it fits into your suitcase is always well-spent, according to the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

It gives you a tangible reminder of home. It can be used to dry off, shade from the heat, wrap up from the cold, sit on, sit under, thwhack annoying teens with, brush off dirt and sand, clean your hands of any number of other undesirable substances, make you look like you know what you're doing and where you're going, etc etc etc...

But that's just not the kind of travel I'm doing. And while I'd really like to feel comfortable, well-grounded, prepared, and at home during this particular stretch of my personal journey... somehow I don't think a towel is going to cut it. I think really what I need is a compass, and a better job market. And maybe just a little more self-confidence and courage as well.

Especially if I'm really going to make Life Coaching into a full-time profession. Because my clientelle in THAT sector continues to grow little by little... and because I continue to look forward to interviewing for positions as a librarian, and even getting HIRED to WORK as a librarian... but it hasn't happened yet. It's been many months since I even had an interview in that arena.

So... what do I need to do to grow into a self-sustaining business model for life coaching? well, I need to identify the markets I want to pursue. I need to find a space to hold sessions. I need to write up a business plan, including scripting for difficult situations, for self-marketing, and so on. I need to settle on AND MAINTAIN a system for retaining data about my business finances, data about my clients, data of contact info, data for my network as it grows, data about where and how and how much I promote my services... and data about how the clients I do see find me. I need to post more regularly to my "self-help" blog-- and tell my clients about it. I need to print out a HELL of a lot more business cards and informational pamphlets, too, and join some groups where I'm the only (or the first, or SOMETHING) personal life coach in the group... And I need to locate my coaching resources and make them available to my practice-- get them out of those darn storage boxes and bins and piles on the other side of town.

Mostly, I need to clean up my personal space, and get some sort of healthy schedule to my life so that when opportunity DOES knock-- in whatever form it takes-- I'm ready. I intend to come from (and return to) a place that is clean, that is friendly and inviting, that is somewhat organized, and that I can be proud to say represents me and how I exist in the world. And that goes for both my physical home and my mental/spiritual space as well. I want to see my best self so that I can dwell on that, and put my best foot forward into the world for others to see.

Nobody prepares you for this stuff, growing up. Nobody tells you that it's probably going to be a while before you really get to where you want to be. That whatever it is you just spent a whole lot of time training for, and went into serious debt to become, is probably NOT what you'll actually get to DO in your lifetime. Nobody teaches you healthy ways to cope with and overcome all the daily and extreme situational stress that is part of an adult's decision-making process. And nobody explains WHY a sense of humor and a positive outlook are so important to finding personal happiness and success.

As my bff SLM recently said, THIS ISN'T COVERED IN THE MANUAL!!! It's true that as you get to be an adult, you gain access to a much wider variety of choices. But it's also true that the repercussions of those choices also become much bigger... and that often the choices we have in a given situation are not the ones we expect-- or even want. Hmmm... I COULD spend my free afternoon doing yardwork in the middle of a 100* heat wave... or I could stay inside where it's cool, drinking ice tea and catching up on the last three months of business news and new tech tools for my profession-- and risk getting a fine and a notice from the local HOA. Or I could just say "freck it all!" and risk both being obsolete and work AND getting into trouble at home-- to go spend the afternoon hiking around cool and beautiful waterfalls with a good friend I haven't seen in months. Hmmm...

Maybe 42 is how old you have to be for all the pieces of your life to finally start fitting together. I wouldn't know. I'm about to turn 3o. And while I have figured out what sorts of things I want to do with my life, and how I personally define "Abundance," and how a budget works, and what it means to take personal responsibility for my choices and actions... I haven't figured out how to fit all of those things together into Abundant Living-- and I'm still searching for that first job on the road to my professional career. I am still searching for financial independence.

I've just started my first Yoga class. Sure, I occasionally went to yoga with my mom, but those are HER yoga classes, and I usually ended up overdoing and being in pain and not going back. This is my first Yoga class for and about me. It's an opportunity to work on my flexibility and muscle tone, to work on my physical health and my mental focus, my balance, my range of motion, etc etc... but it's also an opportunity for me to work on grounding and centering myself. I would dearly like to feel more grounded and centered. And I know yoga will help me with that so far as mental discipline goes. ...But it has also clarified for me that being grounded in my life is yet another animal, and one that I've made great leaps of progress toward, without yet reaching. This is not a good time to be unemployed.

Old Hat

No shigt, there I was...
Driving home from a busy day in someone else's office. And on the way, there is the one intersection with no left turn lane, and a lot of traffic. Frustrating for everyone, I'm sure. And of course, I wanted to turn left. So I waited through one whole green light with no break in oncoming traffic-- good thing I didn't pull too far out into the intersection, because I was STUCK! And by the time the green light came around again, there were a variety of determined drivers behind me. So I pulled a little way into the intersection.

And if the guy in the blue ford right behind me hadn't been riding my bumper so close he probably couldn't even SEE my turn signal, there would have been plenty of space for them all to go AROUND me and keep on straight through that green light. But he was a minor idiot in a sea of fools at that particular moment, at that particular intersection.

And then suddenly, I SAW IT! An oncoming car lagging a bit behind the rest, with *ITS* left turn signal on, TOO! So I inched a little farther forward, and got ready to hit the gas so I could get through the darn light while it was still green-- when he made HIS left turn in front of ME! But... then I hesitated. And I'll tell you why.

I've had more than one person's share of car accidents in my lifetime, and I'm just not that old yet! And... the guy in that car with it's little left turn signal on was...

AN OLD MAN IN A HAT!!!
WITH HIS MOUTH OPEN, AND HIS LITTLE SWEET BLUE-HAIRED WIFE IN THE PASSENGER SEAT, GAZING BLINDLY OUT THE SIDE WINDOW.

So I hit my brakes, and hoped the guy in the blue ford behind me didn't just run my little grey car over and be done with it... and there... there, on the other side, away from everybody else on the other side, just where he'd have to start seriously turning, in the middle of the intersection, he realized that his turn light was on, and slowly reached around the steering wheel with his left hand, and turned it off...

And if I'd assumed that he was turning (since you know, his TURN SIGNAL was on, and he'd SLOWED DOWN WHEN ENTERING THE INTERSECTION), I'd have been the author of yet another totalled car wreck. Because that old man in that hat was going to go straight THE WHOLE TIME!!!

And that, children, is why we ignore the rude drivers behind us, and concentrate on the possibility that the guy in the oncoming lane is an idiot. Just in case. And I'm sure he was a very NICE idiot, but I'm even more sure that I really didn't want to go through another car accident. Oh, and by the way, about three cars later, there was a nice big opening, and I turned, and all the cars behind me DID make it through the poorly designed intersection before the light turned red again. Even the guy at the end of the line of cars behind me, who was ALSO planning to make a left turn.

The End.

Bumper Stickers

Okay. I don't need a frog. I need a toad. My old "gotta be me, and I'm weird" bumper sticker was a toad. And that means its time to visit Hot Topic at the mall. And hope that music group (or whatever it was) is still "in."

Toads being, strangely, the symbol of Hecate, the Goddess of the waning moon, universal wisdom, women's intuition, transition and crossroads, herbal healing, and -oh, yeah- witches. Which will keep me from using that "I heart Herbs!" one, and possibly also the "Dirt Worshiping Tree Hugger" one. Probably save me from a few nasty looks, too, especially if my new job is anywhere that's not here. Anything I can do to stay safe in my new car is GOOD, people. I promise, no incriminating baggie of dried coconut in the glove box, either.

Also, I have a bumper sticker somewhere that says "Normal People Worry Me" which will go on the FRONT of the car. My good friend, SLM, has promised me an Evil Bunny, and an "Eat a Lime" bumper sticker, so I'm good there... And I'm saving the one I found that says "Outrageous Older Woman" for my 60th birthday. Trust me-- I'll still have it.

Anything else you've seen that really REALLY needs to be permanently affixed to my car? Because I'm starting to think that's enough, really. For a small car with no hiney to speak of.

Goodbye, Faithful

Yesterday I cleaned out my old car, and said good-bye. I really wished I had my camera with me so I could take some memory pictures, but I didn't have it. Don't know if you ever forget what a crashed vehicle looks like once you crawl out of it anyway, really. It was harder than I expected to say goodbye.

There was a lot more stuff in my car than I expected, too. And I kept remembering just one more little hidden pocket of STUFF that needed to be cleaned out before I was really done. I realized as I was driving away that I've had that particular vehicle during the toughest and longest transition of my life. That it was my go-to resource during that time period. That car always worked. Whatever I needed always fit into it. I could be alone when I drove it, and anything I put inside would still be there when I came back. That car always got me where I was going, and it didn't aggravate my old injuries on the way. I always felt safe in it, and I used it to escape-- often.

I first purchased her while my then-husband was deployed in Iraq. I got tired of being stuck at home every time it snowed, so my new car had AWD among the other things it gave me. I also bought it at a time when I was finally coming to the realization that my marriage was never going to get better, and that once he came home safely, I was probably going to say goodbye. For both our sakes. I had a lot of emotional conversations with friends while driving her, since I couldn't talk on the phone much when my then-husband was home. Some of those same friends packed her to the hilt-- twice-- during the three hours I had to move out of my soon-to-be-ex's apartment when the time finally came to go.

She moved me from there to a friend's spare room, from there to another state, and into three different apartments in the year after my marriage ended. I was sitting in the driver's seat when I got my acceptance letter for the MLS program I wanted, and I drove her to that horrid job at the office for the criminally insane. After that, I drove her back and forth (an hour each way) to my subsequent nanny job-- for a year while I finished school.

The strange, poetic, full-circle part of it all is that my ex just made his final alimony payment ever last month, and I just graduated from school so I can have a career and support myself independently this month... I'm finally starting the next phase of my life. The transition from married to me is basically over. Finally. My car helped me through the whole get-independent process, start to finish. And within a few days of that process ending, my get-through-it car ended, too.

I guess it's a graduation of sorts. No more crutches. No more dependencies and old habits. No more reminders of my past life. No more reliable blue car with the "not interested" bumper sticker and the big red frog on the back. That still hurts to think about, though. No more Army stickers and pit-bull nose-prints in the windows. No more maps for all the military towns we lived in, either. No more reminders of all the things I didn't accomplish during my marriage.

Maybe this isn't dread in my tummy. ...maybe it's PMS... Or maybe it's just an empty spot where the past used to be. You never know. PMS can do some pretty drastic things to your tummy, let me tell you! Maybe I just need to give myself time to grieve the dreams and crutches (and the car) that I lost-- and remember all the great hopes and possibilities and personal goals I've replaced them with. My life now is so much better and brighter than I could ever have imagined it to be three or four years ago-- back when my transition to independence started.

I have friends who love my art, and don't care who I talk to on the phone. I have friends (well, one, anyway) who get as excited as I do over Pirate Music, and nobody in my new life uses my quirks as an excuse to put me down. I have friends to laugh with, friends to cry with, and I have places in my life where it's okay to enjoy being alone. I can watch Banger Sisters for the 37th time, and nobody comments on how well Goldie Hawn's boobs have held up over the years. Nobody gets mad at me for wanting to see a movie that many times, plus one more. Nobody gets bored half-way through and leaves to go play video games instead of cuddling with me on the sofa.

I can put yeast on my popcorn, and ice cream in the freezer. I can eat nacho chips and baked garlic on toast, with brie and basil on the side. I can sing silly children's songs and stand on one foot while I do the dishes (old habit, don't ask). I can get the urge to blog about the dread in my tummy at midnight, and jump out of bed to do it, knowing I'm not going to be waken at 4am to help find somebody else's special bullet-proof glasses. And two matching boot-top twisties. And to frantically sew the new patches on the other side of their only clean BDU shirt-- at JUST THE RIGHT ANGLE-- before my alarm goes off at 7am-- because he was too lazy to do it himself the night before.

I don't feel guilty every time I park under the covered parking, and every time I go out to lunch with a friend. Nobody makes me feel stupid for wanting safety bars in the windows and that extra lock mechanism on the front door. Nobody tells me what to wear (tho I'm really glad some of my friends are willing to give me opinions when I ask-- I admit to needing help from time to time), and I actually like coming home at night. To my home.

It's a good life. And very different from the one I used to live. With all the distance driving I do, and the limited amount of buying big stuff, no dog, and not too many friends without cars these days either-- the things I need in a vehicle have changed. I guess it makes sense that the vehicle itself might change, too. Now, I just have to get used to driving it. Darn.

Crashing

There has been a lot of crashing in my life lately.
Crashing into each wave on the hour-long boat ride from Puerto Vallarta to Yelapa Mexico...
Crashing waves in Yelapa, Mexico...
The folks who crashed the wedding party in Yelapa, Mexico...
The wedding-crasher who had way too much to drink and then crashed in Yelapa, Mexico...
Crashing because I was SO DAGM TIRED when I got home from Yelapa, Mexico...
And my least favorite,
The car crash that happened to me this morning, in the USA, on my way to work the morning after I got home from Yelapa, Mexico.

So... what's new with you?


Okay okay-- I don't have it in me to type up all the great stories from my trip to Mexico right now, but I do want to say that I have never appreciated the very LOUD noise of the pounding surf as much as I did on Saturday Night. And I was also grateful for the mosquito netting around the bed. Not only did it keep all the crawly-biteys out, but it kept me from having a full frontal view of our naked guest after he and my roomie got out of the shower. Shower being a loose term, in this particular instance. In Yelapa, the showers are... rustic... and you get to share them with the local fauna.

Also on that subject, I have a new job title to add to my resume. I became the official lizard-wrangler at the wedding, thus allowing the bride to use the "bathroom" (again, a loose term in Yelapa) prior to the wedding ceremony. I'll have you know that no animals (or reptiles) were injured during my stay. They all went out the front door under their own power. I tell you, I am a master lizard-wrangler.

And my car accident? Well... not happy. Hopefully, I'll get a free rental for a few days. Hopefully, it only takes a few days to fix my car. Hopefully, they install an all-way stop at that dagmn intersection sooner than later. The officer did say, though, that this accident had less residual car-bits to clean up than most accidents at that intersection do. Yay. Nobody was hurt in any visible fashion. That's the good news.

mmmmm

I had a yummy visit from an old friend. I think it's been about two years since we were in the same state at the same times (oh, except the states of sleeplessness and denial. We visit those frequently.), so this was just awesome. Especially after I FINALLY found the right Starbucks in downtown to pick him (and his large suitcase full of wine) up at. Could there BE anymore road construction in downtown??!!1

Dessert first. St. Cupcake, anyone? With WAAAAAY too much frosting on top? Lunch at Lonely Planet (organic foods that somebody else cooked for reasonable prices, people!!!), with lots of napkins because apparently I have issues...

And then coffee was mentioned, and whadayaknow, there around the next corner was an AWESOME coffee place... well... I'll take his word for it, because coffee is not my friend. And on to the coolest delicatessen, where I finally found black french lentils. I've been looking for a while, you know. Apparently at TJ's, they're seasonal. WTF??

Then, a good gab and some old comic books at my place, and off to dinner. THAI! GOOD THAI! Level 4 spice Thai, and I LIKED it. Believe it or not, level 4 Thai food is less spicy to my mouth than black pepper. And MUCH more tasty. He got the seafood special, and dagmn was it good! Have I mentioned that I like Thai food?

Then back to my place for a movie and an early bedtime. I had work today, and well, he had to catch a plane. I hope it's not another two years between now and the next visit. That is just too darn long. But hey-- at least I know my futon works now! And, I've learned that glass is a liquid. Honestly. A highly intelligent person told me so. I guess I'm glad.

It means that the new "rock chip" in my windshield will just smooth back over, right? I mean... it's only the size of a salad plate. And... in a just world... the idiot who threw something off the overpass and onto my windshield this morning will eventually get that same karma back...
times three.

Moonrise over the DoubleDribble

It's been an exciting 24 hours.
I haven't spotted the hidden cameras yet, but I know they're out there filming away, with glee in their hearts and laughter on their lips. I guess it's a good thing they aren't paying me. I don't think they could pay me enough to have these experiences on purpose.

The little boy I nanny (age 2.5) has discovered what stoplights are for, and that different kinds of vehicles have "names." So he is, at the age of 2.5, becoming an accomplished back seat driver. He also pretends to be a loud, fast, red "Thord" Truck (and boy is he LOUD and FAST when he plays truck!!!). He also has noted that the front end of my car is "broken," and really feels that I should get it fixed. I know because he now brings it up on a regular basis. Like every five minutes. I agree with him. And as soon as I have an extra $1,100 lying around, I will go right out and do that, if only to change the subject.

Driving home last night (after a longer than usual work day-- usual being 10 hours, plus driving), I tried to open a new bottle of water by squeezing it between my legs so I could drive with one hand and twist the lid with the other. This resulted in a geyser-like fountain of cold water soaking my pants and car seat-- RIGHT THERE-- and feeling really odd all the way home. Except first I had to walk into the library and pick up a bunch of books on hold. And greet my coworkers. All while pretending that it didn't really look like I just peed my pants.

It felt like a wet bathing suit about an hour after you get out of the pool, only the rest of me was fully clothed and perfectly dry. And let me tell you, undies take a fugging long time to dry, and hours-old wet bathing suits are COLD!!!

Of course, this was also the night that I had to drive straight to the unnamed library from work so that I could pick up the books I was supposed to have read for the Inservice I attended all day today. I got there 15 minutes before the library closed, and both books I needed were in. Of course, I got home around 8:30pm, and was just so hungry and exhausted that I only read one of the books. Unfortunately, it was not the one they actually remembered to ask me to give a presentation on at the Inservice today. Yeah-- THAT was the book I DIDN'T read.

Luckily, on my way past the exit I would normally take to go HOME from work, sitting in my soggy and rather hysterical state of exhaustion, with Kid Rock playing thumpily about cowboys in the background, I noticed the moon. A full moon. A harvest moon. Rising over the edge of a distant hill, right next to the snowy top of some awesome mountain or other. They were actually about the same size. Immense and breath-taking. And the whole view was framed between two much closer foothills. I knew I had my camera in the car. I just couldn't find it.

...Until about 20 minutes later when I was at a stoplight about 10 minutes away from the unnamed library. That's when I found the camera, and finally managed to take a picture of this gorgeous glowing full moon...

And this morning, as I spoke with the financial aid office about why I STILL don't have my student loan money, but have received ten letters about how they plan to give it to me in the near future, I downloaded the photo onto my computer. There she was. The most beautiful full moon I've seen in quite a while. Rising majestically into the clear sky over the Double Dribble bar. Sigh...

That's when Student Aid finally informed me that they'd sent my student loan checks out two weeks ago-- to my old address that I haven't lived at for over a year. And to compound it all, I got home from a full day of training today (on how to be an effective Youth Librarian), only to find an email from Student Aid informing me that ALL of my student loan checks have now been canceled and reissued. Even the ones I received a year ago and deposited and used up.

....man.... I wish I kept hard alcohol in the house! And unbidden came the thought...
"I'll bet the Double Dribble has some."

By Any Other Name...

So every Wednesday, and often also on Saturdays or Sundays, I drive the 20-40 minutes out to the Unnamed Public Library. Often, I'm there for my internship. Sometimes, I'm there to check out books.

The thing is that on my way there, I pass a bar. Well, I pass a lot of bars-- I have a pretty seedy red-neck area to drive through. But this bar stands out. Someone with imagination, humor, and a really dirty mind owns it. This bar is called the Double Dribble. And they specialize in Hot Girls and Cold Drinks.

I still haven't figured out whether I think it's funny or sick. I do know that I have no trouble remembering the name of this particular bar. And that I must also have a strange sense of humor to get the double entendre so easily... I also know I won't be going there. Not my scene. Just thought you should know.

Migrant Birds

Spent two hours on a Migrant Farm handing out free children's books (mostly written in Spanish) and trying to understand Spanish as it was spoken today. Had to thank my ex for taking every opportunity to speak Spanish to other Spanish speakers-- I'm actually practiced at trying to understand a full-speed conversation from the few words I can recognize. And the more I listened, the more words I remembered (basic ones like Gracias and La Biblioteca and los libros-- books).

It was hot, dusty, and challenging, and I am TOTALLY EXHAUSTED. I can't imagine what it must be like for the farm workers-- most of whom do not speak any English-- to deal with these conditions-- including the lack of language skills-- every day! We went with a great group of dedicated people who brought free clothes and free food and ice cream for the kids. They offer to help people fill out forms, and they provide domestic violence intervention. The volunteers all speak Spanish, and all they want is to help their fellow people who are new to America to find her many opportunities.

I also realized that I'd been so nervous and scared about doing this because I viewed migrant workers as "those strange beings" who had nothing to do with me or my life. The thing is-- they are just normal people trying to get through their day. The clothes they wear are like ours because they are the clothes we outgrew or stopped liking and donated somewhere. These people we met with took great pride in their appearance, and many looked cleaner, and more slick than I did by a long-shot-- since I was hot, dusty, tired, and I just don't seem to control my hair very well at the best of times.

The teen aged girls had cliques and insider comments to make to each other. The little toddlers just wanted your full attention and as many books as they could hold. The parents and adult workers just wanted a little extra to put aside for hard times, or a special treat for their kids-- and free is a very good price. Just normal people.

And we didn't go to Tumbucktoo to see them, either. We went to the corner of two main streets-- where they meet about a mile from the center of town. It's the outskirts, but definitely not the boonies. There were still fences with lawns and shrubs on both sides of the street. And then we turned in to a gravel drive. There was a guard who had to approve our entry. He did this by glaring at us as we drove past, and then waving an arm at the parking area where we were supposed to set up our stuff.

So I'm glad I went. And I want to go again. But I also feel even more strongly about taking those Conversational Spanish classes as soon as I graduate. I have a lot to learn about my fellow wo/man. I think maybe we all do.

Remind Me...

Okay-- Today, I'm pretty burned out from working 2:30pm-11:30pm last night, plus the hour drive on each end. The driving is getting to me. I handled two 1-hour commutes a week (totalling 4 hours of driving), but adding the 1.5 hour commute each week (3 more hours) on top of that has really started to make my body ache. So I thought it'd be a very good time to come up with three beautiful things (or more if I can find them) from the past day or two-- and again for today.

• I actually indulged in my access to cable TV where I work last night-- after 10pm-- HOORAY FOR HGTV! My first viewing in almost a year.
  
• Hit the farmer's market E showed me that is SO MUCH CLOSER to where I live than any of the others (that's good all by itself!)-- and found out the HOOD STRAWBERRIES will be around for at least another week. YAY!
• Discovering exactly which kind of procrastinator I am, and what to do about it. The hope of relief from my procrastination problem is very exciting. VERY.

And today?
Hmmm...

• I get to hit Kwan's with the folks tonight, and since I was headed through town anyway, it won't be adding any driving to my day to do it.
• I might actually remember to bring mom's birthday card AND a father's day card for dad with me, and can stop feeling guilty about not doing much for either one.
• The Ikea in Portland just posted that they'll open July 25th.
  

I feel better already!

Only in Oregon

My Macintosh Computer is faster, easier to use, more intuitive, better-organized, has fewer bugs, is harder to screw up by mistake, never had a blue screen of death, has cleaner graphics, windows is based off the operating system of a mac, and on and on. I love my mac. Wouldn't trade it for the world, and I am very familiar with IBM computers. Currently, it's also my sound system, my education system, my social system (via the internet), and a piece of art.

And yet, for my schooling, I have had to switch between three THREE browsers in order to be able to access the buttons on the blackboard program over the last three semesters... because I use a Mac. And now? The only browser that currently works can't find its server. At all.

Folks, this is FINALS WEEK. In fact, I have today to write a major final paper, and tomorrow to write the last one of the semester. And I have an all-day class through my local community college on Saturday, visit my folks Sunday, and have my first day at my new internship for library world on Monday. This is a BAD TIME for my browser connection not to work.

(Update: It's not the browser-- it's the TWU server. No server. No TWU access. No library link. No paper. NOOOOOooooo....)

Not only that, but the LJ blog I'm contributing to just went live today-- YAY-- and I can't type in my own blog entries... because I have a Mac. Not the fault of LJ at all-- in fact, they've been working tirelessly to get a patch to this problem because I'm not their only mac-using contributor. And today? I can't even login to the blog tool for LJ. Great. I was going to use that money to finally get new contacts and maybe a long-overdue dental cleaning. I need my teeth.

I'm just getting fed up.

Beyond that-- this week I nannied Tuesday AND Wednesday-- two 10-hour days in a row, with a total of 4 hours of driving between work and home. And know what? Little 6 month old E. is sick with the same head cold that 2-year-old N. gave me last week. I'm not quite over it yet, and starting to wonder about things like "how expensive is ear infection medicine if you don't have health care?"

And N.? He's two. And the tantrums have started. Oh, yes. Let me tell you, he has LUNGS. On Tuesday the one that sticks out in my mind (over all the other ones) is the one where I gave him a special treat of 3 craisins (forbidden after breakfast)-- which he happily mixed into his yogurt (also a special treat-- because he finished his veggies at lunch). Then he ate the three bites of yogurt with craisins in it, and demanded more craisins. No dice. Sorry. Lucky you to get yogurt, though! ...

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH (with a little whining at the start and end, and a lot of big tears). "Yogurt is a special treat, N. So you can stop whining and enjoy the rest of your yogurt, or you can go have a time out to calm down." He picked time out. PICKED IT OVER YOGURT. So he got to sit in his "time out chair" until he calmed down. Which was a loud process, and took a while. I spent the time cleaning up lunch. With a six-month old, that can take a while, too. N. came back to the table. Where was the yogurt?? Oh- well, you didn't want it anymore, so I put the rest of it in the garbage. That's what happens when you don't want something-- it goes away.

.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..... It was a long day. That was Tuesday.

Wednesday? Yeah. Wednesday, he was really REALLY jealous of "all the attention" his little sister was getting-- the sick 6-month-old. Who just crawled for the first time, getting a black eye in the process, and has really not complained much at all about the nasty head cold she has and only gets held when we feed her a bottle now because of N.'s jealousy issues. And she just deals with it, with a smile for any attention she does get. He spent most of the day trying to act like a baby and taking toys away from E. and taking great joy in telling her NO WHINING, E.! over and over again. She was very confused. She hadn't been whining.

Luckily, this was also Wednesday. I love cats.

This is John Henry. He's the one who is bigger than the soccer ball. His brother, Scooter, is the one whose butt was the same height as the dining chairs. My hands did eventually get washed, by the way. (I have time to tell you all this and download these great photos because the TWU server is still down. I checked.)

So now I need to get online-- into the TWU online library databases and find myself 15-20 citations of recent Library Literature-- scholarly articles about library stuff, usually written by librarians, and published in library magazines-- that support my project proposal for my local public library-- which proposal was unknowingly dictated by a series of weekly projects about different facets of a professional project proposal over the course of the semester. We couldn't rewrite one of the facets for the proposal we've now decided on-- no. We had to pick five of the existing short papers we already wrote (out of about twelve), and explain why each was relevant to the project we were doing. So I'm not doing the project I'd like to do today-- one that would be easy to find Library Lit about. No. I'm doing the only topic I actually wrote a full five short papers about (or almost about).

And I can't access the online TWU library databases because the only internet access thingy that currently works with TWU's system (yeah- they don't tell you when they switch which program they are supporting, either-- that was a fun two weeks earlier this semester!-- HELP MY BUTTONS ARE DISAPPEARING... what? Use Safari? Last semester you told me to throw Safari out because you only supported Firefox for mac-users. The semester before that, all I could use was IE. You're sure? And you say it's ALWAYS been Safari?...right...) CAN'T FIND ITS SERVER.

...sigh...

Well, I feel better. There is something about just COMPLAINING without having someone try to tell you how to fix your problem that really helps it be a problem you can go back and deal with for a bit longer. I mean, really. Just getting acknowledgment that the situation sux-- it DOES suck. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to make it work anyway. And with that in mind, I'm going back online (safari doesn't support google, so I can't enter my blogs in that program...) to see if Safari is back on line yet. So I can finish my paper. So I can pass the class. And start writing the next paper.

Did I tell you about driving home from work last night? (a much happier topic than my final papers, so let's ruminate here for a bit) It was classic Oregon weather. I mean-- yeah, the Northwest is known for it's Rain etc... but each State (I've lived in them all, including some quality time in the State of Insanity) has its own flavor. And you dress a little differently for each one. In California, you bring a sweater just in case it gets cold, or if you are in a really air conditioned building. In Washington, you have an umbrella, and you bring your close-toed shoes to cross the parking lot to your car after work.

But in Oregon... so there I was, driving home from 10 hours of screaming high maintenance with about five different colors of body fluid and baby food on my shirt... The sun was out, but the wind was up. I got blown around on the road a bit. Then it started to rain. Then I had to switch the wipers to DOUBLE-HEAVY-DUTY so I could sorta see the tail lights of the car in front of me through the groundswell and the rain. Then the sun came out, and there was a gorgeous double rainbow. Which I took pictures of through my windshield. As I drove, the end of the rainbow came to rest on the hood of my car. It was magickal. Then it started hailing. Not quite the size of marbles. The sound inside my car was deafening. There in rush-hour traffic on a main highway... and the rain mixed in with the hail, and some of it hit the windshield more like snow... and then it was the HEAVY RAIN again, and then the sun came out for a while longer. After that, it was mostly wind and drizzle. Wow. I felt like I'd gone through a thorough cleansing and rebirth. The whole thing was beautiful. Happy May! And really... what good would an umbrella have done in THAT?

So, yeah. In Oregon, you layer. This is what we do every day, because who KNOWS what the weather will bring. A t-shirt in case it warms up or your car sits in the sun all day and gets HOT. A sweatshirt because it's going to be cold in the morning and cold once the sun goes back down, and cold if some fool has switched on the A/C already this year in some of the buildings. You bring a change of socks because it doesn't matter what kind of shoes you are wearing, your feet will get soaked. You bring an umbrella if you are trying to preserve makeup and a delicate hair-do. You bring a gortex raincoat if you're a real Oregonian, and you forget to put the hood up unless it's REALLY RAINING. Those zip-off pants were made for Oregonians. They save us having to find a bush to change our pants behind when it gets HOT, or COLD-- as it does frequently throughout the day here, most of the time. Of course, if you go that way, you might have to shave off that warm winter layer of leg hair... at least below the knee...

Have I ever told you about the two weeks my senior year of high school-- and all the things that kept us going home early and getting days off? Two weeks-- I kid you not-- we got out of school for high winds, flooding, snow, someone set fire to the school- twice- AND there were a couple of days where temperatures hit 80* in those weeks, too. Only in Oregon.

Okay. Time to stop procrastinating and go write papers and things. Maybe my new Legally Blonde CD will help... Nothing like a little Girl Power to get your mojo going. Especially when what I really want is a nice nap to the sound of the rain... or in the warm sun from my window... or most probably- both. Photos of said double rainbow through windshield will be forthcoming. Not sure how the ones I tried to take of the hail turned out, though...

Here's the double rainbow-- the "shadow" one is to the left of the primary. They are both amazing works of art. No, the TWU website is not up yet. So I'm playing with pictures. I might even get a shower in today if this keeps up! Wow.

The other half of the rainbow, on the way past.

Self-entertainment, thy name is "Librarian."

By the way, my mystery plant-- the one from this winter that Abbigale didn't manage to eat before I transplanted it outside (in the middle of winter)-- it is definitely a sweet pea vine. The evidence was delicious.

He Thinks He's A Gift

So. (I say this every time because it's my way of pausing to organize my thoughts before you have to start reading them. Considering how they come out, aren't you glad you can't hear what I'm THINKING??)

So we all have that little list of things we're going to buy ourselves someday, right? It might not even be written down-- it might just be this wish list you keep in your head. Which is great, as far as it goes. But lately, I've been getting frustrated grunts from friends and family when things like my birthday or Christmas come near (Can I just tell you that my cat did an unintentional back flip off her favorite chair, and decided that meant it was a good time for a nibble at her food bowl? Nothing like the need to save face!)... err... what was I going off about?

Right. Wish lists.

My mom actually wants to give me something I'd like to get (she's actually been wanting this for a good two years now-- in fact, last Christmas, she got me three of everything, just in case I didn't like two of them. "Now, if you don't like it, this isn't your gift."), and my costar friend has realized that I might tell her one day that I really want the soundtrack to Legally Blond, but that by the following Thursday, it's about 35% likely that I've just gone ahead and gotten it for myself.

See, I have that list in my head like everyone else... it's just that "a solar-powered house" isn't easy to gift wrap. And all the little stuff- well, if I know I want it-- it's because I want it NOW. I've never been good at waiting like that. In fact, I used to pack for trips a good week or two before the family was going to leave, just so the clothes I wanted to bring would still be clean and stuff. And because I just couldn't WAIT that long with the "I want to bring THIS" sticky note yelling inside my head. Yeah. I literally wouldn't be able to sleep until I knew that everything I needed for the trip was ALREADY PACKED.

Luckily, the Army cured me of this. There we'd be, 3am, searching for THE OTHER PAIR OF SOCK CLIPS (these are like mini green bungee cords with metal hooks the size of your baby toenail on each end. You fasten them around the outside of your pants to get that regulation "folded-over" look down by your boots, and to cut off any remaining circulation to your feet. They were basically little elastic belts for your pant leg. The argmy is so weirdly vain!) so my then-husband could be all packed and regulation ready to go by 5am, having gotten the call at midnight that they WERE REALLY GOING at 5am on Friday instead of 3pm on Saturday like they'd promised. And, painful as it was (have I told you that I'm allergic to coffee?), it actually WAS good practice for when my then-husband did have to go to war in Iraq. They just didn't prepare him to find all his little gear-shit at the last minute WITHOUT ME. But that's another story.

Anyway, the point is that today I finally got online and started one of those online wish lists where you provide a link to the EXACT ITEM you want, and anybody who knows your name can go look it up. Yup. Just go visit (shudder) amazon.com and type in my name (my real one, with an i, not y, and two l's and two t's), and you can see the parts of my wish list that I've so far managed to quantify. I've even found the perfect lockable safe so that if my papers are ever threatened by a flood and a house fire at the same time, they'll survive. For an hour.

In the process, I found that it's actually quite difficult for me to quantify what I want. And that often, I'd find something similar to what I want... but not quite right. For instance. Do I wear a size 9, 10, or 11 in women's hiking socks? I have no idea. So I asked for one of each. Because you couldn't just select the socks, or the color of socks, that you wanted. This is not a casual day dream believer's list. This is serious stuff. This is accurate. This is exact. Good lord, did I remember to pack the hairdryer?! I've only got 3 months left to finish packing the list!! And I'm probably not going to get any sleep tonight, either. Sigh.

Well, at least I got the important stuff down. Like The Mummy Returns on DVD, and a new HDTV TV so I can own my own TV for once (because, of course, the one I am currently borrowing works perfectly fine, and therefore must be replaced), and a set of really REALLY useful metal shelves on casters so I can rearrange my own furniture. Yup. The important stuff.

Ya know, hard as I looked, I couldn't find an entry for world peace, and there wasn't one for clean air to breath, or unpolluted and unchlorinated water to drink... I'm too impatient to wait for someone else to buy me organic vegetables, so those didn't go on the list-- I get them every Saturday at my local Farmer's Market. But, man, the water sure would have been nice to add to the list. My cat pukes every time I forget to give her bottled water, and use the stuff from my kitchen tap. Yes. You heard me. My cat drinks bottled water. And, after discovering the REASON for all the puking (and falling in total love with the Green Machine I bought for the duration), I now drink bottled water, too. You can refill your old water jug for less than the price of a stamp down at the local grocer.

And that's another thing! Did you know the price of stamps is going up? AGAIN??
Another two cents. Mid May. The man in the iron mask told me the last time I went to visit him through the metal bars and ask for postage. If you thought 39 cents was odd, wait 'till you see 41 cents! Who's going to have change to get one of THOSE out of a vending machine?!

...Actually, he told the guy ahead of me in line, and then when it was my turn, I asked for some two cent stamps, since the price of postage was going up. The mail man behind the iron bars was so relieved to NOT have to tell me about it that he actually smiled. While inside his little "I might go postal, so don't ask why the bars are here" cage. Smiled. Wow. Maybe they could make it an even 50 cents, and make all the extra go to the public school system and the public libraries and other social services. That'd be nice. Maybe pigs fly. They make their own beds, you know. Honest. The pigs, that is. I wouldn't bet on the postal workers.

And what have I learned from all this? Well, just now I learned that "wishlist" is two words. That's important. I also learned that the most important things aren't always easy to find. They have to be created by the cooperative efforts of a whole lot of people. So they aren't easy to quantify, either. I also learned that I could probably add to the "I want that" list for a very very long time. It makes me feel all materialistic and selfish. It also made me realize that I no longer own a sleeping bag. Hmm. And come to think of it... I haven't felt the lack, either. I wonder what else around here I could go around NOT LACKING for the next few years...

So why, you ask, does he think he's a gift? Well... if you've ever met that guy who thinks you really should fall in love with him and be happy to go make out in the back of his car-- just by looking at him-- then you've met that guy who thinks he's a gift. What does this have to do with the post? Absolutely nothing. Thank goodness.

I tell you, I am SO not ready to date yet!
(But don't worry folks-- I'm happy, hearty, and whole. All I need in my life... is more bookshelves. And maybe a DVD of The Mummy Returns. I went out and ordered the soundtrack for Legally Blonde yesterday. It was part of my new years resolution, so I sorta felt justified on that one. After all. I've waited four months.)

Blink Blink

Okay, so the title is cool, but the entry here is actually about Blog Links I love and follow. They're a weird assortment. You might not like and follow them with me. But at least you'll know what I'm talking about if they come up. I love keeping people informed that way.

Absolute Favorite:
Crazy Aunt Purl. See, this young 30's-ish woman and her three cats are learning to be adults, and she's from the south but she lives in CA, she's hilarious, and she grew an onion in her kitchen by mistake. It's name is Victor. Oh, and sometimes she knits.

The Other Official Blogs:
This Fish Needs a Bicycle. Wherein someone about my age and single deals with her life, and uses a dry sense of humor and a red hot poker to do it. Oh, and she just moved from NY to Texas with her cat, and had a wisdom tooth out. Graphically. But don't worry, folks-- she's a professional!

Dooce. Wherein a really not-quite-right-in-the-head woman lives with her husband and young daughter (who once stared straight at the conservative grandfather over dinner and yelled "SHIGT" at the top of her lungs for no apparent reason, and then went back to dinner while everyone else recovered) and says totally irreverent things about her life choices and life experiences.

Feel-Good Librarian. Wherein a reference desk librarian occasionally shares the experiences that make her world turn, to our great delight. Like when her coworker was asked to locate a photo of God for a young boy, or when she painted her fingernails cool colors to help her through a cancer surgery, and the nurses all practiced little acts of kindness that also made a big difference, thus reminding her how important good customer service can be.

A Librarian's Guide to Etiquette. Wherein a librarian unleashes his pithy observations in short, infrequent, and well-catalogued entries. My favorite to date was the one about getting caught playing Justin Timberlake music on your computer at work. See "Sexy Back, Bringing."

My Friends Have Blogs Too:
The Randomness That is Life. Shana likes NIN, her dog, and cooking. In that order. She's my costar in a really freaky sitcom comedy wherein they tape our lives, and then broadcast little bits of them so other people can laugh at the insanity. We've been trying to find the cameras for years, and we'd really like to see the editor about the script.

Pens and Needles. Wherein I led a really young old lady down the garden path of blogs, but she's walking slowly, so there are only a few great entries so far, but the list is growing, and she's a really great artist, too. And her cats like you.

There are other blogs, and I have other friends, but I really should be working on one of those five projects just about now for school... so I bid you adieu.

And by the way, if you haven't watched the Mummy movie series, you're missing out on some great corny action with a hot babe, a hot dude, a couple of really comedic idiots, and some gross mummies wandering about terrorizing things, only with no blood and very little gore. I just got the Mummy Returns from Netflix, and I've only procrastinated a LITTLE bit to watch it. =) But don't believe what they tell you about the Scorpion King. His story is really quite different. Those silly Bembridge Scholars! Always getting stories mixed up and all that rot. Hmmm... I hear a fresh bowl of popcorn calling my name...

Can you believe it? The spellchecker says I got the "hmmm" wrong. Oh, and can I just tell you how sad I think it is (in a silly smirky kind of way) that my entry about strawberries and dockers pants was somehow shorter than my entry about other peoples' entries?! Well, at least there's always the flaming pizza box to keep me amused. Sigh.

Tripping

Yeah. So. Ever have one of those weeks where you realize that if you could just get out of your own way, things would be great? One of those weeks where your plans and outlook are changing so fast and so often than you end up with mild case of roller-coaster stomach? One of those weeks were all those puzzle pieces that have been driving you MAD for the last month because there just wasn't a place for them-- suddenly fit perfectly, and the puzzle is complete, and you really aren't sure how that happened, but okay? Yeah, me too.

I'm in an interesting point of my life. The end of my schooling is in sight. I just might get there in one piece, and with a few quality references, too. The ants are (for the moment) GONE from my home, and even my little Jack Sprouts are looking healthy again. I have two great internship opportunities on the horizon, both of which I'll be able to take advantage of, and I think I've managed to maintain a positive relationship with each of my future supervisors, even though every time I communicate with them, something changes and I get to trip over my own feet as I back up a step. I'm nearly caught up on school work for the semester, and the end of that-- too-- is in sight.

On top of that, I went to the bookstore yesterday and browsed their "bargain" section, and found a couple of things that I've been wanting, and will really find useful in the future... at really REALLY good prices. I got a phone call from my work-family last night, too, and they still absolutely love me. (I'm super glad of that, because I love working with them, and my schedule of availability just got complicated.) I have a great hike planned with friends this coming weekend. I had a delightful little bonfire last night. My official library-student blog is about to begin, and they liked my first couple of possible blog entries. And... my cat is sleeping peacefully in another room so I can type this without interference. It's a beautiful world.

Oh-- and I'm back to thinking I'll be a Children's Public Librarian... and work on my tapestry quilts (possibly as bags/vests, too) on the side to supplement that... and who knows, maybe someone will pay me to blog for them at that point, too. I'd love that. Blogging Rocks. It's all about the journey, my friends. It's also all about remembering to breathe and not getting too stressed until you know what direction you're actually headed. Then you can sit back a bit and enjoy the trip. Just don't forget to watch the road if you're the one driving.

And by the way, if you like corny movies and comedy-action-romances like I do...
I've added National Treasure to my list. Mazel Tov.

Catina Blanket; 1 a.m.

I got a bit cold last night, so I woke up enough to pull an extra blanket across my shoulders and toes around 1 am this morning. I then proceeded to witness a fifteen-minute comedy routine, completely spontaneous, and full of physical humor. I love my cat.

Abbigale was sitting by my toes, where she usually sleeps. The house was quiet. The neighbors were quiet. My eyes were shut, and I was determined to go back to sleep... when I felt this odd movement in the blanket just above my knees...

I looked down in time to see Abbigale's tail disappearing under the edge of the extra blanket. Then I felt her purring as she crouched against my tummy, and pondered her next move. She started using one paw to gently probe for more open area around my tummy, arms, and neck. It really tickled! When nothing gave way to her demand for additional space, she started pushing harder-- with both paws-- on my kidneys. I pretended to be asleep.

(By the way, the intrepid explorer just found her way under my carpet again-- and has emerged triumphant, with the string wrapped around her neck and a front paw-- apparently, it tried to get away from the avid huntress by hiding under the throw rug in the living room. Silly string! Abbigale-the-Great is NOT afraid to hunt in the dark depths of the throw-rug jungle. She's been there before. ...and visitors wonder why my living room rug is always so bunched up at one end!)

When the paws-on-the-kidneys trick didn't work, she slowly oozed her way over my side and down into the well of blanket at my back. There, she turned around once or twice, rucking up my night shirt and generally tickling me with her whiskers. I gave up trying to go back to sleep, and started instead trying not to laugh. By 1:09 am, the call of the unexplored was heard, and more movement was felt, as our furry fusspot slowly excavated her way down to the crick between toes and bum. (I sleep with my legs bent, so there was a pretty good open space behind my knees-- which I thought would solve the problem, and we'd all go back to sleep.) Where she realized that the blanket didn't extend as far down the bed as she'd hoped. She backtracked, and then suddenly the pressure of her slow low creeping movement was gone. I couldn't take the suspense, so I opened my eyes, and peeked over my shoulder.

Abbigale was in the midst of the deep unknown-- still under this random extra blanket, but over in the part that didn't cover me-- the part that was sort of still folded up in a heap on the side of the bed. She got stuck in a fold, panicked, and at 1:15 am the relieved and somewhat static-y explorer shoved quickly over my legs and back outside the blanket, emerging at exactly the same point she'd originally entered. All good explorers carry a map of where they've been, you know. And as close as she must have come to exiting the blanket at several points in her research, I suspect that she never actually saw the nightlight, and thus never knew how close she'd been to working her way free on several occasions.

I think it was that little purrrt of utter relief and "did you miss me?" when she finally came out from under the blanket that did me in, since this whole "journey" had been over, around, and through me! I started laughing. Uncontrollably. Apparently, rather than taking offense the way she usually does when laughed at, Abbigale took this as reassurance that nothing that horrible had happened in her absence, and promptly curled up on my toes, and a corner of the slightly rearranged blanket, and started snoring.

I finally stopped laughing and went to sleep with a smile on my face around 1:30 am. I love my cat.

"Don't you people ever knock?"