Rotten Potatoes

I'm not going to gross you out with the details-- nobody wants to lose their appetite. What I AM going to do is tell you about the cloud of little fruit flies that billowed up when I discovered that my potatoes were no longer round on the bottom. It was an invasion.

So I've had to put a lid on the cat's food bowl (she's being quite gracious about it, really), and take out the trash every night, and clean the kitchen within an inch of its life. I tried smoking them out with a sage wand, and spraying at them with my essential oils, and swatting where they congregate on the mirror in the bathroom-- with just about no luck at all. I started to put all the dirty dishes into the dishwasher right away, too. That was round one of the battle of the bugs. I'm pretty sure I lost that one.

In round two, I bought fly paper and discovered that the bugs were feasting inside my garbage disposal. So I put salt and vinegar down the drain once or twice a day now, too. That seems to have taken care of the drain divers. My flypaper strategy didn't work so well at first, however-- I'd see the fruit flies sitting on the fly paper feasting, and a while later I'd go back to see no fruit flies on the fly paper at all. But, after taking care of all other food sources, I'm relieved to report that my strategy is finally beginning to stick. And I've learned that if I cook my food and select snacks with lots of garlic in them, the bugs don't bug me much while I'm eating, which is also a relief.

This morning, however, I opened the door to the dishwasher to put my cereal bowl away, and a whole new swarm of fruit flies billowed out. Maybe only ten bugs this time, but since the old swarm is still only down by about half-- this is not good. So I'll be wasting water and running my dishwasher every night from now on, too. And the Battle of the Bugs continues.

The good news in all this is that I gave up nacho cheese chips when I got married (sad story)-- and my search for garlic-enhanced snack foods has led me back to them again. One of my favorite all time snacks. I'm truly thrilled about this. And the bugs don't bug me when I eat them, either. So, even when your potatoes rotted and your house has been taken over by fruit flies-- SOMETHING GOOD CAN COME OF IT!! (Not to mention how much cleaner my kitchen will be from now on-- and how I've finally learned the "buy only what you know you actually plan to use in the next three days" grocery shopping system, especially with potatoes.)

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. (By the way, speaking of "sticking," my favorite fruit fly death so far is the one that got itself stuck to my lint roller. VICTORY will be MINE!!)

Never Leave Candles Unattended

Never leave candles unattended. Or rolls of paper towel. Or ribbon. Or string.
Or pencils, or pens. Or... well... pretty much anything!





...don't you realize that I just saved you from a vicious purple THING? It was cleverly disguised as another roll of paper. You may worship me now.

Has it All

Driving home from work yesterday, saw a big macho truck.
And this truck had every macho or cool thing the owner could think of.
-It was jacked up.
-It was black.
-It had a skull and crossed bones sticker on the tailgate.
-It had steer antlers.
-It had a shark fin.
-It had the stickers that look like bullet holes.
-It was pretty funny to see ALL the gimmicks on one vehicle!

The little boy I nanny put in a special request for books about trains and airplanes from the "libbery" this week. He was so thrilled yesterday when I BROUGHT THE BOOKS!! Sat right down and flipped through each of them. I just love that.

The little girl took her first two steps yesterday!!! I called mom right away and told her about it, even though she was at work. She was so thrilled! Who knows how long it'll be until the next steps happen, but that was just SO COOL!!!

Eat a Lime!

I'm not always a fan of following fads-- I mean, let's face it. I waited two years to get my first stretch pants in middle school, and by then they were going out of style. Of course, mine were yellow with leopard print on them, so if I'd held on to them for another decade or two, I'd actually have been in style again... And I can't honestly tell if that's sorta cool, or really really scary.

But anyway, this post is about Pirates. I definitely loved Johnny Depp's performance in Pirates of the Caribbean. And when I heard about "Talk Like a Pirate Day" on the radio, I thought that was pretty cool, and I laughed about it quite a bit, too. But there is a house on my street that has enclosed the front porch with large pirate flags, posted a sign across the front of the house proclaiming it a Pirate's Nest, and they use this as an excuse not to mow the weeds in the front lawn. They also don't shave much, and BO is, of course, a natural part of a pirate's life, so to be authentic, they don't seem to shower much. That's a bit too much pirate for me. That's when the term "fad" starts to mean "foolish and dumb" in my little book of words. And I wasn't so keen on the sequel and prequel movies, either. One good pirate movie was enough.

So I'd sorta decided the whole Pirate thing just wasn't for me. And then there was the Pirate Car, with the drunk and half-naked copilot wearing ratty breaches, an eye patch and a sword... ran into them one day getting gas for my car. They were trying to have a deep philosophical conversation about discrimination against pirates, but the drunk guy kept losing track of his sentences and hiccuping and stuff.
Yeah... No.

But that was before I discovered Captain Bogg and Salty. Now, I crave a bumper sticker, a t-shirt, and a CD. In that order. Just listen to the song about Scurvy! and I think maybe you'll be a convert, too. And even if you're not in on this particular local fad... I guarantee you'll smile about the limes, the bunny rabbit, and the rum. Don't ask. Just visit the website, and click on "Warm Up Podcast" on the far right in the middle, scroll down to Scurvy! and turn up the volume. Aarrrrr!

3BT

1. The fang marks my cat left in the roll of paper towels while I was away. Apparently they needed to be punished. Deeply.
   
2. Fresh blueberries that are bigger than I remember them from last year, and just as sweet.
3. Getting a hilarious voice mail on my phone from a good friend all about how "cool" and "hip" I am because I'll be a librarian some day.
   
4. Finding out that two of my favorite people are going to marry each other.
   
5. Discovering that the second half of the German Chocolate Cake is still moist after being in a box for 24 hours under suspicious circumstances.
   
6. A full water bottle that's still cold.
7. Deciding to get at least 12 hours of sleep tonight, and not feeling guilty about it.
8. Having a purry ball of fur jump into my lap and use her paw to help me with thethyping because it looks like so much fun to have my fghingers wiggle around likke that.
9. Fresh pea pods from my mother's garden.
10. Watching a bat dart around the sky at the tail end of sunset-- and knowing it's eating all the bugs.
    

Tea and Tornadoes

I have just got to tell you that as soon as I start to swig my Stinging Nettle Tea, I stop sneezing, my nose stops dripping, and I no longer sound like there's a tornado lodged in my throat. I love my nettle tea. Especially with a little Moroccan Mint and Comfrey thrown in. Especially on days when I thought I could get away with the lesser dose of over-the-counter allergy meds, and I was WRONG!!!

Chirpy Hell

I can't find my cell phone. I've searched the living room. The dining table. The desk top--- all four layers. The bathroom just in case. The kitchen (god, I need to do dishes!). No cell phone. Okay.

So I search the living room. And the dining table and the bookshelves and the desk and the floor and the kitchen and bathroom and bedroom and even strip the sheets off my bed JUST IN CASE. No cell phone. Normally, by now, a person would just use their other phone to call their cell phone and locate it by the ring. But I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER PHONES. This just adds to the terror.

Stay calm. I know I talked to friends last night after I was firmly in my apartment for the night. It has to be here in the apartment, somewhere. SOMEWHERE. So I email a friend and ask her to call me so I can find my cell phone. But she doesn't get the email right away. And I'm having problems with my blackboard online classroom access. So I need the phone to call the school's help desk, because they don't do email. And find out what's going on, and if they switched browser specifications on me again, or somebody cut through the main internet cable again, or what it is THIS TIME, you know? I mean-- I've got assignments due, and people to bother and stuff. Honestly!

She still hasn't called. Or maybe she HAS called, but my phone is out of batteries now-- because it was down to only one bar when I last saw it yesterday, and OMYGOD I may NEVER find it EVER AGAIN!

"Twitter-Chirp!"

...wait... that was the noise that means I got a text message. IT'S ALIVE!!! and it's in the Northeast quadrant of my apartment. Somewhere. I frantically start to search again, creeping along, bent over so far I look like a demented turtle, glaring at every surface, and peering fearfully under things... shigt. I sit on the floor and contemplate my need to vacuum.

"Beep."

I have a text message, and I can't check it because I CAN'T FIND THE DAGM PHONE-- But there is hope. As long as I don't check my messages, the phone will beep once every 60 seconds as a reminder. I think I'm going to lose my mind. I mean, I know I'm going to laugh a lot when I do find where the cell phone is-- but in the meantime, I get a single annoying beep every 60 seconds to help me find it. This is worse than playing Hot, Cold. Remember that game? Someone else got to determine your goal, but they didn't have to tell you what it was. You just had to bumble around trying to reach for things until they tell you if you can do that or not, based on how close you are to the goal they didn't tell you about. Hmmm... I think I used to have a job that worked like that...

It takes three beeps to find the phone.

The phone is on a pile of magazines, behind a pile of boxes, on the floor, in the exact middle of my apartment. How the heck did it get THERE???!

I check my messages. It's another friend of mine who's sent the text. She's heard that I can't find my phone and wanted to help. I think I'm going to go get a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it now.