Funky

I'm still getting used to sleeping in this house, and not over in that one. I's been almost two weeks. And cn I mention how much hARDER it s to type with a cat chnin between your thumbs? Ew. She drooled on the keyboard.

First off, the dog's arthritis is acting up, so he has to have "fart pills" three times a day to manage the pain. Sometimes the smell alone is enough to wake you up at night. Then there is the fact that we also think he has irritable bowels, so sometimes he throws up at night. Only at night, mind you. And only at either 1:30am, or somewhere between 3:45-4:45am. The puking is always proceeded by a rather wet lip-smacking.

It sounds like this:
"shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk... shlmachk..."

Oddly enough, this sounds exactly like when the dog cleans between his toes-- which he also seems to do at either 1:30am, or somewhere between 3:45-4:45am. Until you yell at him for god's sake to either knock it off, or puke already, dammit!

And the cat.
The cat only jumps off the bed when standing next to GB's right shoulder. Not his stomach. Not his toes. Not on my side of the bed-- ever. And she walks straight from the crick behind my knees, across his bladder, and up to that spot by his shoulder. The jumping-down-for-a-midnight-snack spot. And then disappears into the closet to crunch her crunchy cat food. She usually gets hungry at both midnight, and somewhere close to 3am. And when she's about to jump up onto something, she let's you know. She's very polite. In that "SEE? SEE HOW POLITE I AM??" cat sort of way.

"Mprrt?" And then the soft thud of graceful cat paws on the bed. And the thud itself is mild enough to sleep through. But not the "Mprrt?" that always comes first. Then she has to walk around and see whose awake (and therefore available to sniff her breath, and have their face sneezed on and whiskers poked up their nose, and pet her) before settling back down on someone's legs.

And if there's silence in the bedroom for too long, the teenage cat-sisters on the other side of the bedroom door get worried. So they meow in high-pitched teenage girl voices, and scratch on the door until someone comes out to reassure them. Or yell at them.

Did I mention that our bedroom shares a wall with the only bathroom in the house? It does. And the roommate showers at 6:45 every morning. Except the mornings he showers at 6:15. And clears his nose (or maybe it's his throat) in the shower. Loudly. Some mornings it takes him a while to get it all out.

And don't get me started on the blanket-stealing situation. Just don't even get me started.

Turns out that except when he (or the dog) is snoring, GB is a lighter sleeper than I am. So every time I roll over, it wakes him up.
guilt. guilt. guilt.

So the good news is that if GB is still snoring, I know he's slept through whatever it was that woke ME up. And therefore if *I* yell at the offending party, we will both be woken up. Again.

By the way, GB is currently unsticking a new baby leaf on his beloved hanging plant behind me. It's been sitting there, half-unfurled, for three days. He couldn't take it any more.
GB: "It's stuck."
Me: "But it's getting bigger."
GB: "It's stuck."
Me: "Maybe it's still growing."
GB: "NO. It's STUCK."

And then he gently pulled the tiny green leaf away from the plant spine that birthed it, and unrolled the edges of the leaf so it could start getting sun and growing BIGGER! Now that it's unstuck. The 3-day-old baby leaf on his hanging plant.

I need sleep.

Soup, Soup, Soup

I think this particular title comes from a Maurice Syndac book I read when I was little. I recall the book also being fairly small, and in it is a little boy with a very large wooden mixing spoon. I've always wanted a spoon like that. I always figured, The bigger the spoon, the better the soup! I love making soup.

This evening, I walked into the house to find that my housemate (PC-- stands for Pretty Cool. And if her middle name started with a D, she'd be Pretty Dagmn Cool, if you ask me...) is watching a musical on the TV in her bedroom. Loudly. Which is just down the hall from mine. And her door is open for air, since today was actually rather warm. I think summer might still be summering for a few more weeks here after all. sigh...

So anyway, I'm at home, going to my room, and I've gotten to the top of the stairs. In fact, I'm just rounding the end of the banister, not listening particularly closely to the actor in PC's musical, who is listing a bunch of specific ingredients as he mixes them all together...

The man in the musical intones: ...A bit of this, a dab of that, a cup of this, another ingredient or two, and a pinch of cohones.

I stopped with one hand still on the banister railing, and blinked bemusedly at her bedroom door.

...What are cohones? another TV personality asks.
...Don't ask. And the music swells with magic potion billowyness.

"I see breasts. And foam. Of Course the magic potion is foaming." PC says this the same way that one might say "I don't believe you. This is ridiculous. Of course I have a cavity, because this is a dream, and you are an evil dentist." Dryly, with total disbelief at the predictability of the situation.

"Hi PC," I say, and open the door to my room. Just another night here in wonderland. With breasts and cohones and foaming magic potion thrown in for fun. What the hell kind of musical was that, anyway??

It's Own Self

Funny thing... I stopped trying to guess what would make others happy, stopped trying to control outcomes, and started simply stating my personal preferences directly as the day unfolded... And the outcomes started taking care of themselves. Today has been a wonderful day.

Had an awesome breakfast with GB around lunch time. Ordered what sounded good to me instead of worrying about the price. Acknowledged that I wasn't interested in watching one of his favorite shows-- knowing he can watch it when it replays on Friday. Was therefore not resentful about the time we spent watching TV. Petted cats for a while because they needed to be petted. Felt no need to justify my priorities to anyone.

Cleaned out my entire car in anticipation of lots of family and luggage fitting into it on Friday (yay!). Stopped worrying about identity theft and recycling and finally threw that huge-ass bag of junk mail in the trash. Ate a few bites of ice cream to cool me down. Cleaned out the plastic leftover food containers bin with my housemate like I've been promising to do for the last few months. Now everything that's left has a fitting lid, and the door to the bin actually closes. YAY!!!

Cooked the little organic corns from the food box, and had some really yummy greens (courtesy of my awesome roomie!!) Because I wanted greens, and I've been drooling in anticipation of that corn for nearly a week now... Decided not to stress that GB was late for our double-dinner-date with his friends I'd never met before... Only tried on two shirts in the process of getting ready. (And if I hadn't sweated out the one I had on, I'd have been ready to go just as I was. No more vacillating in front of the mirror as I try to look like the right kind of girlfriend. I'm me. Isn't that enough?!) Decided to send him a reminder text when he still didn't show up because I wanted to know what was going on. Good decision, as he'd gotten sucked into the world wide web, and was totally lost to reality 20 minutes after he'd planned to let me know he was on his way. Decided to read up about healthy relationships while I waited for him to finish getting ready and come pick me up for our double date.

Decided it is his worry and not mine if we are half an hour late the first time I meet his friends. Failed to worry. Had a total blast with GB and his friends at a really yummy bar with fuzzy black wall paper and the Kentucky Fried Colonel's photo in the place of honor over the restroom hallway. Felt just fine eating-but-n0t-drinking in a punked-out restaurant-bar. Had a good conversation about friendship and friends with GB after we took his awesome friends back to their apartment. Kicked him out when I started getting sleepy. Wrote a blog post about my day.

Started the laundry, and went to bed early enough that I won't be tired when I drive out to the Farm tomorrow morning. At least, that's the plan. Really, when I decided to make sure *I* was enjoying my life, life suddenly became so much easier to enjoy!

I think sometimes when you stop struggling to make the flow go your way, and just go with the flow that's already inside you... the rest takes care of itself.

Muckelicious

Today, I mucked out a barn.

Back a few months ago when I dreamed of myself doing this, I woke in utter disbelief that such could EVER be true. I mean, this is ME we're talking about. But today, it was. I actually volunteered.

See, through one of the random blogs that I follow-- maybe it was one about urban homesteading, or no-- maybe that one about sustainability and farms or, well, maybe one of my "tiny house" blogs-- anyway, I found a link to this one Family Farm. And discovered that they need volunteers, and they give you a whole talk-and-tour to get you familiar with the farm and the jobs that need doing.

And I thought-- Hey. I want to create a mini homestead/garden/farm someday when I've paid off my debts and have enough money to buy a bit of south-slope land... Maybe I should get a better idea of what I'm getting into. Maybe I should find out what it's REALLY like to have an organic garden and some goats and chickens and sheep, etc.

So today was Orientation Day for volunteers at the Family Farm. I love it out there. It really reaffirmed that what I want is attainable, and that I'd be happy having it. It also reaffirmed something I already knew-- Goats like me. I mean, these were just generally friendly goats and all, but... seriously. Goats like me.

It took two hours to meet all the creatures and see all the watering buckets/troughs/etc that need regular cleaning and filling (one of the four approved jobs for volunteers on the farm-- mucking out the three barns, the chicken coops, and the mini barn that houses Waldo is another). Then, since I did drive a whole hour to GET there, I decided I had time to muck out one of the barns. And I did have time. What I didn't have was stamina.

So the biggest, stinkiest, most-in-need-of-mucking barn has three sections. I did the biggest one. And I couldn't do any more. In fact, I'm really glad my blister didn't get a blister. I'm even MORE glad I thought to bring my work gloves. And I'm glad I didn't fall asleep on the drive home from the farm. Since I was the one driving. But seriously, I was that worn out. Muck is heavy.

I've got some researching to do for them from home, and I think I'll try to make it out again in a couple three weeks to do something slightly less intense like watering the chickens or something. I'm definitely going back. And I'm definitely sleeping well tonight. Just as soon as I rinse out my nose with something that doesn't smell like the month-old backside of a male goat. Apparently, the male goats stink more than the females. Made perfect sense to me.

And when I get my own land, I'm starting with vegetables. And herbs. And a couple of fruit trees. And maybe a few chickens. But nothing that requires mucking. Or castrating. And I learned that I need to add an "egg-cleaning station" to my dream home design. And probably a small barn to store all my gardening equipment, my spare bales of hay, my chickens, my wheelbarrows, and the muck I buy from my neighbors once or twice a year.

sigh... Who knew bliss would smell like THAT?!

'Weenie

Halloween is coming.
And all the leaves are finally starting to change color...
those that aren't being knocked down by the suddenly cold rain.

Halloween is coming.
And all the politicians are finally starting to ignore color...
those that don't want to be left out in the cold come November.

Halloween is coming.
And all I can think is that I'd really like to get my hands on
that old cult movie called Buffy the Vampire Slayer-- the one that predated the TV series and had that guy from 90210.

Halloween is coming.
And although I really like my housemate and her cats...
those open windows and the lack of heat make things pretty damn cold in this rain.
It inspires in me a strange sort of poetry--
It's an effort to keep my fingers from freezing, and my face from falling into a frown
because Halloween is coming, and Autumn is my favorite time of year.

Guiding Cats

Have you seen the Engineer's Guide to Cats?? YOU MUST SEE IT!!!
NOW!!!

In other news, Bubba has discovered a passion for spinach, and I have discovered Bubba's passion for bread. Heretofore, the carbaholism of this particular cat was only darkly eluded to by his owner. Now, it's a startling reality in the form of several missing hunks of plastic, paper, and the french bread underneath. This same cat was responsible for tearing a hole in a camping bag to get at a baggie full of condensed milk a couple of months back.

Then there was Sushi, who had a distinctly vampiric interest in pumpkin pie. We would occasionally find random fang marks in ours, if left out overnight to cool. Abbigale's preference is for paper bags, veggie-dyed ribbon, and inedible plants. In that order.

And-- did I tell you of my discovery that there is an actual life form that looks similar to clams, and whose shells can grow to weigh 50 lbs if they are not harvested first??!! HUMONGOUS GIANT CLAMS!!! RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COASTAL WATERS OF AMERICA!!!

Also, my clientelle continues to expand, for which I am extremely grateful. And, just in case I didn't have enough to do with my time, I've started writing out bits of my past life again (the Girlfriend's Guide, etc)... It's an interesting process, and probably more theraputic than anything else. I've even joined a group of other writers who meet fairly regularly to share their latest few pages of writing. They definitely bring much-needed perspective to my experiences. For example, they stopped me in the middle of my reading last week to ascertain whether or not I had made up the word "plebe." No. They actually call them that. And No. I have NO IDEA WHY!! But yes-- now that you point it out-- that really does sound ridiculous.

Speaking of cats and ridiculousness, I woke to an interesting and repetitious noise in my bedroom somewhere after midnight and before dawn. I finally figured out that Abbigale was rolling around on the still-plastic-encased bed pillow I had just purchased at BigLots and left on the floor by my bed; Scaper was scratching his very business-like claws on the cat-scratch-post in my bedroom, and Bubba was eating from the food dish in the corner. Loudly.

I carefully and gently escorted each of them out of the bedroom, one at a fuzzy time, so that I could get a few more hours' sleep before the sun came up. They were NOT pleased with me. But that's okay. Cats are definitely the know-it-alls of the animal kingdom.

WeManiac

So... have I told you that I actually have something like EIGHT FRIGGIN BLOGS attached to me? Plus the one on that one website for professional librarians? EIGHT.

And... well... actually, I only maintain about three of them-- plus that one that isn't REALLY mine, but I still have to write intelligent things for it at least once or twice a week. (And by the way, I've been reading Crazy Aunt Purl again lately, and got all inspired-y... which can actually be a bit dangerous, if you have even the slightest clue what exactly it is that I'm being inspired by!)

Even more exciting, I finally was able to attach my blog (no, the other one) to my website-- AND the website is itself somewhat updated. It took me two days of hard work to get it there, but I now feel that it can go be all by itself on the web again. YAY!!! And-- I've printed out two more versions of what may eventually be my final business card design. This whole "start your own business" thing takes a lot of trial and error, it seems! Maybe "flexibility" is the term I'm searching for here...

Even better, I have an OFFICE to see CLIENTS in-- on Tuesdays through Thursdays, that is. And once I get myself up to at least 8 clients a week, I can start looking for that perfect apartment with a front room that might be PERFECT for seeing clients from THERE! Or renegotiate for different office hours or spaces or something. And when I hit 15 clients a week, I'm raising my rates in the hope that soon I can buy an actual piece of land and start making plans to build a house/studio on it. I may also begin to revise my work/business strategy when I get to that point. Although, really, it's part of the strategy to keep revising it as I learn what works better for both myself and my clients (and my self-promotion efforts).

So I'm keeping up on the blog for library world (I am now free, they gave me my last paycheck for that in July and asked me to keep writing anyway), the blog for my business, this blog, and maybe one or two others that I write in from time to time... That's a lot of writing. No. Actually, that's a lot of PROOF READING!!

In the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that if I personally gave you the web address for this blog (ie: you are a close friend or family)... and you know what my new business is, you get special reduced rates for my professional services should you ever wish to request them. Just thought you'd like to know. =)

Why Certainly?

p.s. CatMan proved yet again what a really quality person he is. We had our honest communication about my realization that I'd really like to be his friend... but I don't want to date him. And he was great about it. Really.

The Beginning:
Every once in a while, I get this feeling of certainty. I know that I just need to go here or do this-- and I'll get a very specific and much-desired result. I had that feeling when I decided to buy a CR-V about five years ago. I told my dad we just needed to go to this one town about 45 minutes away, and I'd like to stop in at XYZ Honda. At his insistence, I looked up other Honda dealers in town, and called all over the more local area in search of something good. Finally, dragging his feet and reeking of disbelief, he got into my "trade vehicle" and I drove us down to the XYZ Honda dealership. There were only two parking places in the lot-- and I chose the one next to the blue CR-V. It was for sale. On special. It was about a year old. It was perfect. And I got a really great deal on it. I had no doubts. This was the vehicle I was going to get, and I was going to get it on my terms. That's one example.

I haven't had this feeling often, but often enough to recognize it. An unshakable certainty-- a strength of purpose in my gut and my heart. The feeling has been building over the past day or two. Something good is coming. And I know the job I'm planning to get is right around the corner. What I don't know is if it's one I've already applied for, or one I just saw and need to apply for NOW, or one I'll find in the next few days. Usually, my path is a little clearer than this... or at least, I keep putting one steady foot in front of the other, and I arrive at the right place at the right time.

So that's what I'm going to do. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm going to grab my opportunity with both hands, and awe my interview team with my strength of purpose, calm intelligence, friendly accessibility, and most of all-- they'll realize that I've got a lot more to offer than what they see on paper. I'm a good person to have on your team, and I'll grow into and enhance beyond expectation any position I'm invited to accept. It's coming. I can feel it.

... I'm reminded of that old song "I WAAAANT you to want me. I NEEED you to need me! I'd Loooove you to love me..." Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a cat-claw-proof container for the new bag of cat food I just bought. Bubba has already made a hole in the bag, and keeps trying to come back for more. The bottom of the bag. The bag that is supposed to keep the cat food fresh, and the smell inside. The one I bought this morning, and haven't opened yet. THAT bag.

The randomness...

...


WANT.

CHOCOLATE.

To drink with a spoon.




...NAGKED.




(see below for details)
The randomness that is life...: Danger defined

Blatant Reminders

I find that once you get past the question of why they joined, most Argmy guys fall into two categories: Honor-Bound, and Rat-Pack. Neither group has many scruples against a good mug of beer, a good fist fight, and a good game of explosives now and then... but The HB type is very upright, even when he sits, and appears very clean cut, and knows how not to swear in front of children and old people. The RP type is more of a down-and-dirty kinda guy, who lives for the thrills, and really feels that line about "BROTHERS in arms," deeply.

I've got a new friend in the RP style of things--- and tonight he brought over a buddy of his of the HB variety. To talk with his mom (a good friend of mine whom I was also visiting with at the time), and get advice, in relation to something that happened relating to HB's divorce. And since that was a topic that I'd had experience in, they asked me to be part of the conversation. I was pleased to be there, and enjoyed the talk, but didn't really get to do more than offer "morale" support, if you know what I mean. Can I tell you that I have specifically NOT BEEN in the company of single sexy males my own age for a good 12-18 months now?!

So the universe is taunting me, with a Blatant Reminder that I am not as mature as I'd like to think, and it was so ridiculous that I had to laugh along-- You know, between coughing fits due to a sudden and unexplained allergy attack that occurred right after HB sat down next to me, and shaking like a leaf with a sudden (and more easily explained) attack of stage fright. I tell you, this HB guy was HOT!! And it became clear to me that I do indeed have a "type." Tall, muscular, reserved, funny, and intelligent. With a military hair cut and a ramrod straight spine. Who look like they'd be good cuddlers. Who sat next to me in the couch.

And all I could think was that I didn't want anybody to NOTICE that I was shaking like a teenager with a crush. And that somebody somewhere was LAUGHING AT ME because of course, here I am again, in the company of and attracted to... a soldgier. Great. And, even better, one who is just getting out of a long-term relationship (read: marriage). So I firmly reminded myself that this is EXACTLY why I still need some serious therapy (read: counseling) before I try to have a serious dating relationship ever again. I even made the same suggestion to him. Because I'm still attracted to the same kind of guy that I thought my X was. And I clearly stated that I'd be happy to talk "divorce" with him if he needed to-- which helped me put up a "possible-friend-only" boundary in my mind. (And actually possibly make it USEFUL that they included me in the conversation at all.) Easier not to obsess that way. Like I'm doing here. Over a total stranger who's just a nice, funny, intelligent guy in a bad situation.

See, this guy just happens to be an ex soldier with time in Iraq under his belt who is now in the coastguard while he gets his masters in Ornithology. DAMN he was hot!!! And basically single. And smart, and seemed like he'd be really easy to talk with on just about any topic. Oh and get this-- when his wife brought up the marriage issues, he HE *HE* suggested marriage counseling. And she turned him down. And I was shaking like a leaf for most of his brief visit (he chose to sit next to me on the couch-- did I tell you that already?)-- and had a minor allergy attack. Oh so segxy of me. And I am NOT INTERESTED IN HIM... and that's good because I doubt he'd consider dating me. And because he has, as he put it, a whole new five-year plan now. I thought I was the only person with one of those... Oh, right-- and because he's FUgCKING MILITARY. And one of RP's drinking buddies. RP who is only sometimes on the right side of the law, and is somehow always sure he's right... (And who I really like, but would never want to get on his bad side, which I somehow know I would do if I ever tried to hang out with him NOT at his mom's house. Sigh.)

But it was (and I do admit this, with good humor) kinda funny that the only guy I meet for about 16 months who actually seems attractive to me-- is military. Where are the cameras??? I just know this is another one of those ridiculous episodes of the sitcom that is my life, wherein my grand statements of "never again" and suchlike self-vindicating bull are put to the test and found to be horribly (hilariously?) full of holes.

(And, really, I hope he has good friends who can do more than get angry on his behalf to help him deal with the issues that come up in a messy divorce... I was lucky on that one. With friends like RP, maybe so is he. I love a guy who can acknowledge that sometimes his mom DOES have good advice!)

So yeah-- How was YOUR evening?

More of a Good Thing

A while back, Crazy Aunt Purl asked her blog readers for good crock pot rescipees. Believe it or not, I'd actually embarked on my second attempt at crock-pot ownership just that week. The first attempt was one of those "oh, that would be great!" costco purchases, that doesn't look ridiculously large until you get it home, and realize you'll have to store the crock pot that feeds 20 people in one go... somewhere... and that there are a total of ONE PERSON at your dinner table...

The second attempt, well, Fred Meyer had a sale on crock pots, and the one I got is only supposed to make three servings at a time, if you fill it up all the way, which I don't. I even bought and cooked chicken in this thing, which is actually a minor miracle. I haven't cooked chicken in about three years, unless I was trying to impress somebody. And I think that only happened once. (For the record, it worked.)

Anyway, I heard about the blog post of rescipees for the crock pot, and went to check it out, and all these descriptions of food were SO YUMMY... I went to the store on my way home from work today, and bought an onion and some real vegetables. And I even cut them all up and dumped them all into my crock pot, and ... well... I guess I'll find out how it tastes tomorrow. But I feel so darn HEALTHY to be making something that takes more than 3 minutes to cook! (Now in case you were worrying, I actually do eat healthy food most of the time-- and cook it myself, basically from "scratch"... well, I don't make my own chicken broth... but anyway-- don't worry.)

AND THEN somebody actually mentioned that the dutch oven can be used the same way as a crock pot, but you put it in the oven at 350 (?) for five hours, and that same tremendous juicy stew of yummy foods happens. Wow.

I love food. I love it even more when it both tastes good and is good for me. Especially when I'm stressed out, and not getting enough sleep. Which would be most of the time, really... Going to bed at 11pm and getting up at 5am will do that to you. And not working and job-hunting, and moving to a new place to live, and being in a major car accident that was actually your fault, and sorting through every dagmn piece of crap you own and deciding that at least 1/3 of it MUST GO AWAY, and attending a major conference in your professional field-- on the other side of the country-- mid-move, and...

Well... I'm hoping to establish a more productive and less stressful routine in February. I really count my new year as starting then anyway, so I'm still really hopeful about everything. Hope is my friend. And, really, so is my new crock pot. Friends are a wonderful thing to have, let me tell you. I'm lucky that way. (And I'm not talking about the food.)

Bumper Stickers

Okay. I don't need a frog. I need a toad. My old "gotta be me, and I'm weird" bumper sticker was a toad. And that means its time to visit Hot Topic at the mall. And hope that music group (or whatever it was) is still "in."

Toads being, strangely, the symbol of Hecate, the Goddess of the waning moon, universal wisdom, women's intuition, transition and crossroads, herbal healing, and -oh, yeah- witches. Which will keep me from using that "I heart Herbs!" one, and possibly also the "Dirt Worshiping Tree Hugger" one. Probably save me from a few nasty looks, too, especially if my new job is anywhere that's not here. Anything I can do to stay safe in my new car is GOOD, people. I promise, no incriminating baggie of dried coconut in the glove box, either.

Also, I have a bumper sticker somewhere that says "Normal People Worry Me" which will go on the FRONT of the car. My good friend, SLM, has promised me an Evil Bunny, and an "Eat a Lime" bumper sticker, so I'm good there... And I'm saving the one I found that says "Outrageous Older Woman" for my 60th birthday. Trust me-- I'll still have it.

Anything else you've seen that really REALLY needs to be permanently affixed to my car? Because I'm starting to think that's enough, really. For a small car with no hiney to speak of.

mmmmm

I had a yummy visit from an old friend. I think it's been about two years since we were in the same state at the same times (oh, except the states of sleeplessness and denial. We visit those frequently.), so this was just awesome. Especially after I FINALLY found the right Starbucks in downtown to pick him (and his large suitcase full of wine) up at. Could there BE anymore road construction in downtown??!!1

Dessert first. St. Cupcake, anyone? With WAAAAAY too much frosting on top? Lunch at Lonely Planet (organic foods that somebody else cooked for reasonable prices, people!!!), with lots of napkins because apparently I have issues...

And then coffee was mentioned, and whadayaknow, there around the next corner was an AWESOME coffee place... well... I'll take his word for it, because coffee is not my friend. And on to the coolest delicatessen, where I finally found black french lentils. I've been looking for a while, you know. Apparently at TJ's, they're seasonal. WTF??

Then, a good gab and some old comic books at my place, and off to dinner. THAI! GOOD THAI! Level 4 spice Thai, and I LIKED it. Believe it or not, level 4 Thai food is less spicy to my mouth than black pepper. And MUCH more tasty. He got the seafood special, and dagmn was it good! Have I mentioned that I like Thai food?

Then back to my place for a movie and an early bedtime. I had work today, and well, he had to catch a plane. I hope it's not another two years between now and the next visit. That is just too darn long. But hey-- at least I know my futon works now! And, I've learned that glass is a liquid. Honestly. A highly intelligent person told me so. I guess I'm glad.

It means that the new "rock chip" in my windshield will just smooth back over, right? I mean... it's only the size of a salad plate. And... in a just world... the idiot who threw something off the overpass and onto my windshield this morning will eventually get that same karma back...
times three.

Pumpkin Party, Martha Stewart Style

It's almost Halloween. A time when the veil between the worlds gets thin, and Mystery is in the air. So is some fresh cold air, red and brown and yellow leaves, and lots of laughter.

Went to a pumpkin carving party at a friend's last night. Had a blast. It's the first time in several years that I've carved a pumpkin, and it turned out pretty cool. See?

.

Mine is, of course, the cat.

It was a fun and creative time, full of sharp pointy things and LOTS of pumpkin seeds.
Some crazy fool even tried to carve a Butternut Squash! Luckily, L had an apple corer with no slicing arms on it, so S eventually used that to get the squash meat out of the middle. Apparently, he has plans to set it on fire later this week. That's why the squash looks so scared. Foreshadowing. In the end, it turned out pretty well, as did the ghost dog on the right. What's creativity without a little extra effort anyway?

I tell you, every time I go to L's house, I learn something new about being a hostess. We've actually started teasing her about being a bit like Martha Stewart. This time, she made pumpkin pancakes, with applesauce (made from scratch, thank you) to go on top. She unobtrusively marketed her friends' (and her own) saleable skills, made everyone feel welcome, and enabled a few new friendships to form. I was even able to catch up with people I used to know, and share a little of my hard-won perspective on starting over after a difficult relationship with someone who appreciated the insight. Wow.

I tell you, Martha Stewart is just lucky that L has a day job!

96... And Counting

So, much to my amazement, this is officially my 96th post on my err-what blog. Watch for national news coverage when I hit post #100... or not...

Did I bump into Mr. Nice Eyes at the Garden when I went back on Friday? no. But the leaves were all turning color, and the air was crisp but not snot-cold (you know when it's cold enough to make your nose run, even though you are perfectly warm in your fleece vest and ear-warmers? snot-cold), and I'm really glad I went. Turns out the guy in the entrance box has a mother who used to be a librarian. So even though my school STILL has not sent me a student id (have I mentioned that I graduate in two months?), I answered three questions right and got in at the student rate anyhow. Just to clarify-- I AM a student. ...And I like red heads.

Did my student loan eventually show up? YES! On Wednesday. So I made huge payments to my credit cards and spent what was left on that stereo I promised myself back in July. I should be getting the other half of my student loan ...oh... sometime before Christmas.

In the meantime, I cannot BEGIN to tell how you much I have missed having access to music in my home. In fact, I have barely turned the stereo off long enough to sleep since I brought it home. I'M THAT EXCITED!!!

It made me think. My ex was always the one who played music (and chose what to play) while I was married-- and to give credit where due, he sometimes tried to play something he thought we'd both like to hear. Mostly, he played the soundtrack to Jay and Silent Bob. There's a whole track devoted to artistically rapping the word "fugck." And a few songs about being high and all the things that didn't happen because of it (like getting to have segx). And... well... I mostly ignored the other tracks because they were rather offensive.

So... let me just reiterate how HAPPY I am to have MY OWN STEREO. It's been five years. Plus. And I've been playing awesome music like the "happy radio station" that only plays upbeat songs, and my rodrigo y gabriela CD-- this group is from Mexico, where they were a heavy metal band. But then they went to Ireland, and started playing guitar in local pubs and on the streets there. Now, they play acoustic guitar like I've never heard it played. Oh, and I'm playing my Enya music, and trying REALLY HARD not to break out the Christmas music again-- waiting until November, at least. I mean, really. June and December are the real seasons for that kind of music, and I'm trying not to jump the gun.... Trans Siberian Orchestra, HERE I COME!!!

My Shania Twain and Carrie Underwood are sounding pretty good, too, not to mention that Kid Rock CD I took as part of my divorce settlement. I love the duet with Sheryl Crow. Umm... A little Stray Cats, a little Sugar Ray... Cap'n Bogg and Salty... Dvorak... Godsmack... Jet... Gypsie Kings... Pink... Yeah. You could say my taste is eclectic. Or bizarre.

Tea and Tornadoes

I have just got to tell you that as soon as I start to swig my Stinging Nettle Tea, I stop sneezing, my nose stops dripping, and I no longer sound like there's a tornado lodged in my throat. I love my nettle tea. Especially with a little Moroccan Mint and Comfrey thrown in. Especially on days when I thought I could get away with the lesser dose of over-the-counter allergy meds, and I was WRONG!!!

The Good List

1. Getting the internship I really wanted.
2. With the Youth Services Librarian.
   
3. Discovering I can wear jeans and sneekers to my internship.
   
4. not caring if I spell sneakers wrong
5. Fire-colored Sunflowers
6. A big healthy medicinal Aloe plant for $3.95.
7. Lighting a fresh candle.
8. Hiking up and down a small mountain in the rain.
9. Seeing all the places fairies could hide from the rain in the mountain.
10. Having two friends crazy enough to hike with me.
11. Reaching the top alive.
12. Getting complimented on not complaining about the UP part of the hike (this time).
13. Letting the dog pull me up the last few yards.
14. French fries and hot chocolate after a long hike in the rain.
15. Having three different people tell me I give good advice (in the space of three days), and meaning it.
16. Finding a thank you card I can send to men and women in a professional setting, and still look interesting. In a pack of 20.
    
17. Popcorn with butter and yeast.
18. Tea. Hot tea. With Elderberries in it.
    
19. Peanut Sauce.
20. A fluffy warm (DRY) new sweatshirt that was on sale and still looks and feels good.
    
21. Planning to go back tomorrow and by a second one in a different color.
22. A purring cat in my lap, batting at my fingers on the keyboard.
23. Birthdays. Other people's birthdays. And having people to celebrate mine with.
    
24. Finding out that turning 30 isn't nearly as scary as turning 29. Really. Three people have told me so.
    
25. Having lots of people help you move your boxes and stuff from one house to another. Enough people that no one gets too tired, and it only takes one afternoon.
    
26. Waterfalls. Especially on rainy days when there aren't too many other people using the trail you've taken.
    
27. TigerBars.
28. A well-fitted understory.
29. Actually looking forward to what my 29th year will bring.
    

On Procrastination

I have this book... WHERE THE HECK IS IT??? ...well... I think it's called "Eliminating Chaos." It's a great book. It even has inspired me more than once to start pulling my act together and cleaning up my home. Except right now, it's buried in a pile somewhere and I can't find it. (boy do I feel silly)

Anyway, the point is that IN THIS BOOK, the author mentions another great book-- "It's About Time!" by Dr. Linda Sapadin. The book is basically a break down and treatment of the six styles of procrastination, according to Dr. Linda. (No, not Dr. Laura. Gods, no.) I usually find self-help books to be rather silly. Either too simplistic, too full of themselves, too lacking in actual helpful "here's how" information, or just dumb. But this is one self-help book that I'm planning to buy for most of the people I know. (Okay, probably not you. But other people.) And in the meantime, you get to hear all about the great discoveries I've made, and what I intend to do about them.

(Have I mentioned lately how much I love tea? Even more than the spell-checker. Really.)

Anyway, the book includes tests so you can figure out what your major form(s) of procrastination are, your minor form(s), and which ones might be good to read just on general principles. Dr. Linda says most people have one major form, and a couple of supporting procrastination styles. And if you score over 10 on a test-- that is the major one you need to pay attention to.

Uhh.... Dr. Linda? I scored over ten on ALL of them... can I go home now?

Anyway, then I started reading the three I scored highest in. And for the first one, I kept saying-- "That isn't me! I don't do that. Do I DO that? I don't do that." So then I decided maybe my test scores were a little off. Well, so with a much lighter frame of mind (Okay, I'm not a total failure, here.), I read the one I scored second-highest in.

Oh.

Yeah... That's Me.

I can now tell you with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that I am a perfectionist procrastinator. I'm sure you already knew that. But see-- I didn't. And for each of the two styles of procrastination I've read so far (means you'll probably get to read more blogs about this in the future)-- there are two sides to the coin.

So with the Perfectionist Procrastinator, you either are ALWAYS WORKING WAY TOO HARD to get everything perfect-- and may not turn things in at work (or school) on time because you are still busy adding things to it to make it PERFECT-- an impossible task that leaves you constantly stressed and worried and wanting to DO MORE and BE BETTER.

Or- you're like me.

You are so worried that you won't do it perfectly (whatever it is) that you find reasons not to do it at all-- or not to do it until your time is so short-- it's the perfect excuse for the final product to be imperfect-- and it's just NOT YOUR FAULT that it's not PERFECT LIKE YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE-- and you assume everyone else thinks it should be, too. Because if you'd just had more time, you'd have done it right. Whatever "right" is.

The best thing about this book-- other than helping me see the pattern of my behavior in a clear and unavoidable fashion-- is that it also offers simple things that I could actually DO to help each style of procrastinator overcome their habit. From now on, you'll hear me changing my "should" statements to "could" options. My "have to" shackles to "want to" intentions. And a few other things, too.

And if you talk to me at any length in the next few weeks, you'll probably get to hear something else I learned from this glorious self-help book about procrastination. Applied to you. Lucky you. I've still got four more styles to learn about, too! Oh- Abbigale says Hi. She is, as usual, helping me write thsi.

...by the way...
I'm not shooting for perfection anymore, either. I just want to be a high achiever. I think maybe I can do that. Without so much stress, and so little free time. And without feeling bad about myself and how little I actually achieve (or do perfectly) anymore. What a relief.

Pumpkins

I just found the most AWESOME set of blogs! The kick-off blog is called Three Beautiful Things, and it's author has started a revolution. The 3BT revolution. You will now see it as one of my labels on a regular basis. I love this idea. LOVE IT!

The other two spin-offs (much encouraged) of the original that I've found so far-- and love-- are called Simple Things, and Pumpkin Diary. I think H&J will especially appreciate the Pumpkin Diary, as it is a first-time father's account of his first child-- from conception to 2 years, so far.

The idea is that each blogger will start a blog section, new post, what have you in which they make a commitment to post three things that brought them joy or made them smile every day. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, PEOPLE! I love it. So-- in honor of this delicious find, here are my three things of the day:
-Three Beautiful Things
-Simple Things
-Pumpkin Diary

YAY!

About Dehydration

So... one of the many lessons I learned far away and long ago... was that I am infinitely more depressed when I am also dehydrated and lacking in sleep. Yes. I am now ready to take on the world again, and possibly even profess to being an actual ADULT... now that I've had more water to drink, a bit of exercise, and a good night's sleep. Yes.

I have to credit my friend, MB, with this revelation. She was a great font of wisdom about dealing with a divorce-- especially a long, painful divorce. Is there any other kind? She explained that for her, eating protein was the key to keeping a positive can-do outlook on the situation. Her mom was good about reminding her to eat more protein whenever she started to get gloomy or overwhelmed, and it helped. Her body needed what it needed to deal with the stress it was under-- and this ability to deal (or inability to deal) carried over to her psyche as well.

For me, it wasn't protein. It was water and sleep. I got through the first six months-- three of them waiting for the divorce to be final, and three figuring out how to be successfully divorced-- by drinking a LOT of water, and taking a LOT of naps. I highly recommend the naps, by the way. Low calorie, high fiber-- especially if you dream about food and end up eating your pillowcase-- and just generally restorative. IF you remember to drink a lot of water and/or turn on the A/C before you nap.

On the other hand, everything I said I was struggling with yesterday is STILL TRUE TODAY-- I just know I will persevere and overcome them now. And I've gleefully defenestrated my fears. Officially. Ceremonially. Repeatedly. The sliding glass door in the living room. It's the only one that opens.

On the more good news front, I met my new buddy E in east downtown today and after making friends with her really cute dog, we checked out a WHOLE NEW FARMER'S MARKET. Found garlic tops. mmmmmmm Found chard. Little chards. mmmmmm Found basil. doublemmmm Found hershey's kisses-shaped candles made of pure beeswax. Found we had a lot to talk and laugh and commiserate with each other about. Especially mothers and weird food combinations. Had a blast. Got a little dehydrated. Learned my lesson-- so I've been chugging water all afternoon to make up for it.

Plus Hood Strawberries. My favorite kind. I find I've degenerated into a highly evolved strawberry snob. Did that make ANY sense at ALL?? Hmmm... must be time to go eat more strawberries and ice cream... and drink some water. Maybe a nap...