Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie...

Okay, so that was for counting down to the FINDING part of Hide-and-Seek... but Eeanie-Meeenie-Mynie-MOE was harder to spell. And really, I'm writing about choices.

To use LOL dialect:
Choices. I has dem.

And that is both more terrible and more wonderful than I could ever have imagined. You see, I'm job-hunting. I graduated, and unless I really want to rack up MORE student loans by going back to school AGAIN, this is my option. Job-hunting. Truthfully, I'm incredibly excited about having a job. As a Reference Librarian. That pays. Legally.

I've been living on loans and credit cards for a while now, and I'm really looking forward to getting them all paid off-- and doing it with real money that I actually EARNED MYSELF! And to top it all off, I love going into a library and knowing I belong there. Getting to wear the little tag (when I can find it) that tells people I actually have a RIGHT to offer them suggestions. Because, you know, I do it all the time anyway. In bookstores and train stations and shopping malls-- My friend, SLM, thinks we all have big blue signs on our foreheads that read "Information"... because even when we DON'T volunteer to help, we get asked. I guess we have that air of approachability mixed with a fine sense of capability or something... Kind of like a drunk on a bike. Nope, not driving... are you kidding? But still moving forward.

Ummm... okay, maybe not like a drunk on a bike.

The point is that I suddenly find myself with options. I'm getting interviews-- and follow-up interviews. I'm getting positive feedback, and if I cross my fingers (andmaybemytoes) and wiggle my nose, I might even get a job offer-- or two or three. And that means I get to decide if I want to be University or Public-oriented. And if I want to live in the Pacific Northwest, or if anyplace north of south will do. I get to decide where I live (sort of) and how I spend my new (upcoming, when I get a job) income. I get to decide what committees to join (usually-- some of them are automatic 'cause I'm the new guy and nobody else will take that one)... I have choices.

And it's scaring the be-jezus out of me.
How the hgell do I know???!

The one thing I HAVE figured out is that I'm going to have fun wherever I end up. Because I'll be a librarian, and because I'll have chosen that place for that period of time, and because I know how to make my own fun. I've managed to make any number of unsuitable jobs, work situations, living situations, and relationships work well past their go-bad-date. So one that actually suits me and feels good-- even if it isn't the BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME... Somehow I think it'll be okay. And THAT is a real relief.

I guess I'm choosing to succeed.
It feels good.
Scary-Good.

Apocalypse Now

This is not how I would have guessed that Apocalypse was spelled... But, technically, I DID guess that it was spelled this way, and I was right. Hmmm...

Anyway, I'm writing about apocalypses because I've been DREAMING about them every night for over a week now. And I wouldn't call them nightmares. To my mind, categorizing something as a nightmare would require a certain level of emotional involvement, and waking in fear, cold sweats, etc. I don't have any of that. In fact, I'm strangely emotionally detached from the various and many different apocalyptic visions I've lived through in my dreams of late. I think the one saving grace has been the utter ridiculousness of the scenarios. I think it also has helped that when I do wake up, I realize right away that I know a better way (than the one I acted out in my dream) to handle whatever crisis I faced in my dream. It's bizarrely reassuring.

In fact, for all that last night was spent--in my weird dream, this is-- trying to find help for an injured ambulance driver after several layers of overpasses collapsed on each other (so there I was, with SLM, driving an ambulance around, missing my exits, and looking for help-- thank goodness we eventually drove past DM, who is licensed as a lesser EMT, and he had time to stop filling sandbags and come help us help the injured-- I have no idea what the sandbags were even for!)... I was surprisingly calm when I woke up part way through the dream. In fact, my first thought was-- That's dumb! I'd just have stayed with the injured guy and called 911 on my cell phone!

Previously this week, I dreamed of being a refugee in the hills of Idaho because Oregon and Washington were lost; getting caught in some sort of riots in a small midwestern town with a surprisingly large number of rioters around me, and... well... you get the picture. Whatever it is that my psyche is trying to work through (you've heard that theory about dreams being our subconscious way of working through internalized problems, right?), I really hope I'm making progress.

In other news, I've created my own organic mixed bean soup mix, and am looking forward to trying it out in my crock pot. Wish me luck. You know how well I do with crock pots...

Without Wireless

Have you ever tried going without the internet for more than a day or two? I mean really-- no googlemaps to help you find the closest ATM or the nearest organic food market or Great Aunt Mabel's house since her directions were crap. No checking email, no blogging, no reading other peoples' blogs, no searching for jobs online, no searching for love online, no searching for a great deal online, no u-tube...

I mean, public libraries are great. They give you somewhere between 30 minutes and a whole hour of online time every day-- if you want to go to the library every day and do your work (and your confidential banking) on a public computer, in small chunks, if their software is compatible with what you need to get done.

So... my DSL was disconnected two weeks ago on Tuesday. And I ended up moving on that Friday. And on Sunday, we discovered that my lovely well-loved lovable computer HAD NO AIRPORT/WI-FI CARD IN IT.... so we ordered one. And it arrived on Saturday. On Sunday, we guessed at WEP passwords until the signal was established... and then rather than finally being off and running... we couldn't find any servers. WTF?

So today, we (this is the Royal We, by the way) called Customer Service. And discovered another more complex password. Which gave us BOTH a signal AND server access. I love technology. I love it even more when I have access to it.

Oh, and by the way, I love my new space. Even though I'll only be staying a couple of months. Happy February.