Apple, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie...

Okay, so that was for counting down to the FINDING part of Hide-and-Seek... but Eeanie-Meeenie-Mynie-MOE was harder to spell. And really, I'm writing about choices.

To use LOL dialect:
Choices. I has dem.

And that is both more terrible and more wonderful than I could ever have imagined. You see, I'm job-hunting. I graduated, and unless I really want to rack up MORE student loans by going back to school AGAIN, this is my option. Job-hunting. Truthfully, I'm incredibly excited about having a job. As a Reference Librarian. That pays. Legally.

I've been living on loans and credit cards for a while now, and I'm really looking forward to getting them all paid off-- and doing it with real money that I actually EARNED MYSELF! And to top it all off, I love going into a library and knowing I belong there. Getting to wear the little tag (when I can find it) that tells people I actually have a RIGHT to offer them suggestions. Because, you know, I do it all the time anyway. In bookstores and train stations and shopping malls-- My friend, SLM, thinks we all have big blue signs on our foreheads that read "Information"... because even when we DON'T volunteer to help, we get asked. I guess we have that air of approachability mixed with a fine sense of capability or something... Kind of like a drunk on a bike. Nope, not driving... are you kidding? But still moving forward.

Ummm... okay, maybe not like a drunk on a bike.

The point is that I suddenly find myself with options. I'm getting interviews-- and follow-up interviews. I'm getting positive feedback, and if I cross my fingers (andmaybemytoes) and wiggle my nose, I might even get a job offer-- or two or three. And that means I get to decide if I want to be University or Public-oriented. And if I want to live in the Pacific Northwest, or if anyplace north of south will do. I get to decide where I live (sort of) and how I spend my new (upcoming, when I get a job) income. I get to decide what committees to join (usually-- some of them are automatic 'cause I'm the new guy and nobody else will take that one)... I have choices.

And it's scaring the be-jezus out of me.
How the hgell do I know???!

The one thing I HAVE figured out is that I'm going to have fun wherever I end up. Because I'll be a librarian, and because I'll have chosen that place for that period of time, and because I know how to make my own fun. I've managed to make any number of unsuitable jobs, work situations, living situations, and relationships work well past their go-bad-date. So one that actually suits me and feels good-- even if it isn't the BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME... Somehow I think it'll be okay. And THAT is a real relief.

I guess I'm choosing to succeed.
It feels good.
Scary-Good.