And-a-Half

Well, I was going to write about the Family Reunion, but that may have to wait for the weekend now. Instead, today was somewhat sidetracked by having my car side-swiped by a rather large dark green Ford F-250. The good news is he stopped and gave me his insurance number and his name. The bad news is-- well, I was kinda hoping to go for more than a year-and-a-half before my next major car accident.

In other good news, it's drivable, and I am not at fault. Also, the autobody shop was able to fix the tail light so I'm legal, and my insurance will give me a loaner until they fix everything else. Which should take about a week. So GB and I will be driving a rental car down to visit his family in Sacramento next week, which isn't exactly what we'd been planning... We've requested something with good gas mileage. And nobody was hurt. I'm really grateful for that.

However, the driver's side rear quarter-panel needs replacing, and the whole lower panel and bumper need a new paint job. And I need a new light cover on the rear tail light. Also, apparently "pannel" only has one N in it.

So yeah, that all kinda put a kink in my plans for the day. I'm really glad GB was there with me, and I'm really glad that-- unlike the LAST time a large dark green vehicle slammed into me-- my passenger was uninjured. Last time, I saw the land rover speed up and ram my car in the rearview mirror. I said "He's not going to stop." And he didn't.

This time, I saw the ford truck veer into my lane and said "Please don't hit me?" But he did anyway. Last time, my passenger turned to me and said "What?" right before we got rear ended horribly. This time, my passenger turned and watched us get side-swiped, and then knew more than I did about exactly how and where it happened. He also ran back and picked up the busted light cover for me while Ford and I exchanged info.

sigh...

Delighted. Really.

Have I mentioned the upcoming family reunion yet? It's worthy of mention.

The good news is that my secret plan to shanghai my favorite cousins from the airport, and deliver them to the reunion location several hours later has been officialized by the committee in charge of officializing things.

The bad news is that in those several hours between airport and reunion location, I have now got to cris-cross a major city in search of passengers, find parking at the airport at rush hour on a Friday afternoon, drive a full car load of cousins and baggage to another town an hour or more away, in serious rush hour traffic, on a Friday, in order to celebrate another incoming family member's birthday with the WHOLE FRIGGEN CROWD at our usual celebratory restaurant. And then we drive to the reunion.

I hope they give us a private room at the restaurant. One with padded walls. We're going to be loud, crazy, totally disorganized, loud, and insanely hungry. All twenty or thirty of us. Just think-- my mom, and four of her siblings, and like seven mostly-adult female cousins who GREW UP IN THIS FAMILY TRADITION-- plus kids, boyfriends, husbands, and well, whoever else we accidentally sweep along in our rambunctious and way-too-friendly wake.

I'm sure I'll be keeping you posted on the reunion. OH, and did I mention that my mom's broken hand is healing okay? It is. Really.

Communi-Que?

Can I just tell you how much I love my writing group? And also Crazy Aunt Purl. And possibly a few other folks as well, but I haven't gotten very far in catching up on my emails lately, so I'll have to get back to you on that.

The e-correspondence for my writing group over the past few days looked something like this:

J: I think we're down two people this week, so probably that makes eight, plus the two of us who lead the writing group, so I think you need to bring ten copies of your work this week. But I could be wrong. (actually, she meant eight INCLUDING the two leaders, but five people showed up, plus the two leaders, so that made seven)

H: Sorry I missed y'all, but I had car problems, and I'm looking forward to next week.

D: Well, we all voted, and GOOD NEWS! Everybody except R decided to give you one last chance!

H: Where does R live?
(insert shark music here!)

D: Under the Chevy's downtown.

R: Hah! Joke's on you, D. I moved out from under the Chevy's as soon as you tracked me down. Well, actually, I just moved in deeper to avoid all the rats... And H? I misunderstood the vote. I thought we were voting to give you one last dance, and I didn't think it was fair that you were the only one getting to dance. Sorry.

H: Too late, R. Sleep with one eye open.

J: Oh, and thanks to H and D for giving me more background info on R when I give his intro at the Reading Event tonight!

OMFG-- I think I nearly coughed up a lung from laughing too hard with a head cold!

I realized why these folks are so helpful and so much fun when I bring in bits of my own story to read to them every Wednesday night. Then I read the latest blog entry for Crazy Aunt Purl. Again-- laughter can be such a healing medicine! I can't believe-- and yet I so CAN believe-- that she wrote a note to her auto mechanic while he was serving time "up north" because she had a question about converting her jeep from gas to vegetable oil (or maybe cat poop, since she has a ready supply of it).

Maybe I'm not so crazy for volunteering to help muck out a stable at a local farm just so I can see what farmlife is like-- and for writing that email that said, "Wow, you guys are cool! and also, if you are looking to hire a librarian with social skills, I'm available." to a local green home building company I found online.

In other news, I recently had an interview with a big city library system, so I could get on the list of folks they'll notify if they decide to accept applications for any open positions in their libraries. I was actually rather concerned that I'd flopped. Ninety minutes of interview, including a pointed grilling on my complete lack of knowledge about practical adult reference services, a book-talk presentation I put together with a teen audience in mind (I actually used a really cool hip word the interviewers didn't know-- don't tell them I made it up, k?), and an outline for a toddler storyhour, including a five-minute sample of my "storytime reading skills." I knew I represented myself and my skills fairly accurately... But I also know those skills are getting rusty with disuse, and it shows.

Imagine my joy and utter amazement to finally check email this afternoon, and find that I've qualified for ALL THREE AREAS of reference services-- adult, teen, and children. WAHOO!! Of course, now I'm waiting around to hear of any job openings that come up, and that they decide they'd like me to apply for. But I was impressed by the library system and the teen book selection there. I think I'd enjoy working for them, and I'm actually hoping to hear back soon.

You never know. Stranger things have definitely happened.

Snow Daze

Holiday greetings to everyone. I'm so excited that we have SNOW just now!! How often does THAT happen in December?!

Had a great talk with my good friend SLM recently, speaking of snow. We decided that anybody who is not us should not be driving in it. Because we both learned in Michigan winters, with snow and ice and wind, oh my! And therefore, our snow driving skills are superior. Especially when you consider that most of the folks on the road in the West just now learned to drive in California.

I had breakfast with another great friend of mine-- Big D-- this morning. He rode his bike on the icy streets. I drove my light-weight no-traction-anyway little car. We figure the only thing we have in common about transportation right now is that we both get out and walk on the hills.

And, while driving (very slowly) to meet him, I saw a lot of driving that made my teeth hurt. Idiots thinking that because they drive a truck with big-ass wheels, ice does not affect them. People who drove nice and slow and safe while moving, but didn't give themselves enough time to stop the vehicle (and thus went straight through the red light while the rest of us who DID manage to stop safely just watch them slide past). You know you're in the Pacific Northwest when the folks who accidentally slide through an intersection on a red light wave their thanks to the cars on either side for not hitting them. In Chicago, the fugcker flying through on the red just flips everyone else off on his way past.

Anyway, back to the great conversation I had with my friend SLM. We also came up with yet another awesome word to add to my personal vocabulary list: passenjerk. Because we've both had the misfortune to be stuck driving some fool and his opinions around in our cars. In fact, my X used to get more angry at me and be a bigger jerk toward me when we were driving than at most other times (there are exceptions). I think it was because he knew I couldn't escape at those times. Sad but true. If you're going to have a big-angry or difficult discussion? Don't do it while one of you is driving. Please. And make sure your breaks are working well beforehand. Trust me.

In the meantime, I'm really enjoying the wind and the white and the sparkly silence that come with winter weather here. Even the sun is more exciting when it snows beforehand. So, as I've been saying to my clients and friends alike: Happy Everything!!

Moving On

I've decided that Christmas Cards this year are a total wash. Just not on my top ten priorities list, and not likely to get there before February. Sigh. So I guess I'm saving myself some money for next year, right? Except next year, I had hoped to have time to MAKE my cards again, thus justifying some small portion of the ridiculous money I spent on stamps, paper, etc between 2004-2006. Oh, well. I think I really spent that money because it meant I could spent those four hours a month with a really cool group of non-military women. And for that, it was TOTALLY worth every penny.

In other news, I LOVE my new car. I haven't tabulated the gas mileage yet, but the fact that I was able to drive for something like five hours straight without going below 1/4 tank? Happy. I also find that I like being able to close the trunk, and know nobody can see all the crap I've stored there. And the 6 CD-changer is nice. And the built-in Blue Tooth capability. That's a new one on me. Built-in wireless phoning. On my steering wheel. But now that I've programmed in the voice-recognized phone numbers I'm most likely to call in heavy traffic (usually because that means I'm STUCK in heavy traffic, and going to be late), I think I'm a convert.

Especially with my recent commitment to SERIOUSLY SAFE DRIVING. SERIOUSLY. I wasn't sure I'd be okay talking on the phone (or any other not-so-safe thing you always end up doing in the car) ever again after the accident, but... well... Being able to push a single button and start talking to the air, and then push another single button and be disconnected-- I feel fairly safe with that system.

Now all I need is a frog. Bumper sticker. For my car. To replace the one I lost with the CR-V. And I have to decide whether or not it'd be a good thing to put my "I heart herbs!" bumper sticker on my car. Especially since I do buy dried herbs like lavender and comfrey and peppermint and Nettle from a local herbalist on a fairly regular basis... It's like the time a friend found my stash of unsweetened finely-grated coconut in the glove compartment. A nice fine white powdery blob of COCONUT in a little plastic baggie... Yeah.

Anyway, Did I tell you I found three different emergency medical kits in the CR-V when I cleaned it out? I threw out the moldy one (yuck!), and put the best of the remaining two into the new vehicle. Once I get my little sample carpet square back in the trunk (for if I get stuck on ice or in snow-- before that I had clumping cat litter. I hadn't really thought that one thru...), I'll be good to go. After all, it IS winter.

I've agreed to nanny through January. I'm determined to actually do the 2-3 posts a week I was originally hired to do for LJ online. I've got a short web-design job lined up for an aunt of mine, and I'm moving to a new temporary apartment until I get a full time job, or until it stops being a good place for me to be. I'm also trying to cut my belongings (clothing, books, furniture, archives, sundry craft supplies, and paper-saving tendencies) down by about 1/3 before I move. Somehow, being done with school has not had the "time-suddenly-available" effect on my life that I'd hoped for.

And somewhere in all this, I still do need to be applying for actual LIBRARIAN JOBS. I'm really determined that my next real job will pay more than $10 an hour. Like, maybe, $20-30 an hour instead. After all, I have a terminal master's degree now. And I'm going to be paying for it for a long time. Loooooooooooonnnngggggggg Tiiiiiimmmmmmeee

Yes.Terminally.

Beyond that, I feel rather silly, and thought I'd share the laugh with you-- at myself, as usual. See, I was starting to realize that I don't want too much furniture that I can't lift (or at least shove back and forth) by myself. And I want to give back to people all the stuff they've been so great about loaning me over the last two years. So I'm planning to return the borrowed, customized, 300 lb TV to my really awesome friend H. And with that gone, I started to wonder how I'd watch my "relax and vegetate" movies... so I thought about getting a new cheap TV (they don't exist), or maybe just a computer screen (totally possible, but actually MORE expensive), and then I remembered that some guy at a party said it was cheaper for him to just get a projector and project his movies on the wall... (yeah, right)... So I called an expert. Well, actually, I called the expert's wife. (Hi James!) And he clarified that it is VERY expensive to buy a computer screen with normal DVD-player hookups in it. But, he agreed with his wife that I could probably watch my DVDs on MY EXISTING COMPUTER for quite a few months before I wore out the DVD/CD drive. Oh.

Right. I HAVE a computer that can play movies. Duh.
Thank goodness I talked to a few sensible people before I went and broke my budget. Again. And actually, having tested it, my computer has better resolution and clearer sound than the really really BIG TV that I'm borrowing. And I can lift it, all by myself. So now I'm wondering if they don't make external computer DVD-reading hard drives for cheap... so I can keep from wearing out the one inside my computer. And I'm not quite sure what to do with my perfectly good fairly new DVD player. Also, I realize that I'm going to miss the personalized cup-holder in the old TV. Somewhat.

Goodbye, Faithful

Yesterday I cleaned out my old car, and said good-bye. I really wished I had my camera with me so I could take some memory pictures, but I didn't have it. Don't know if you ever forget what a crashed vehicle looks like once you crawl out of it anyway, really. It was harder than I expected to say goodbye.

There was a lot more stuff in my car than I expected, too. And I kept remembering just one more little hidden pocket of STUFF that needed to be cleaned out before I was really done. I realized as I was driving away that I've had that particular vehicle during the toughest and longest transition of my life. That it was my go-to resource during that time period. That car always worked. Whatever I needed always fit into it. I could be alone when I drove it, and anything I put inside would still be there when I came back. That car always got me where I was going, and it didn't aggravate my old injuries on the way. I always felt safe in it, and I used it to escape-- often.

I first purchased her while my then-husband was deployed in Iraq. I got tired of being stuck at home every time it snowed, so my new car had AWD among the other things it gave me. I also bought it at a time when I was finally coming to the realization that my marriage was never going to get better, and that once he came home safely, I was probably going to say goodbye. For both our sakes. I had a lot of emotional conversations with friends while driving her, since I couldn't talk on the phone much when my then-husband was home. Some of those same friends packed her to the hilt-- twice-- during the three hours I had to move out of my soon-to-be-ex's apartment when the time finally came to go.

She moved me from there to a friend's spare room, from there to another state, and into three different apartments in the year after my marriage ended. I was sitting in the driver's seat when I got my acceptance letter for the MLS program I wanted, and I drove her to that horrid job at the office for the criminally insane. After that, I drove her back and forth (an hour each way) to my subsequent nanny job-- for a year while I finished school.

The strange, poetic, full-circle part of it all is that my ex just made his final alimony payment ever last month, and I just graduated from school so I can have a career and support myself independently this month... I'm finally starting the next phase of my life. The transition from married to me is basically over. Finally. My car helped me through the whole get-independent process, start to finish. And within a few days of that process ending, my get-through-it car ended, too.

I guess it's a graduation of sorts. No more crutches. No more dependencies and old habits. No more reminders of my past life. No more reliable blue car with the "not interested" bumper sticker and the big red frog on the back. That still hurts to think about, though. No more Army stickers and pit-bull nose-prints in the windows. No more maps for all the military towns we lived in, either. No more reminders of all the things I didn't accomplish during my marriage.

Maybe this isn't dread in my tummy. ...maybe it's PMS... Or maybe it's just an empty spot where the past used to be. You never know. PMS can do some pretty drastic things to your tummy, let me tell you! Maybe I just need to give myself time to grieve the dreams and crutches (and the car) that I lost-- and remember all the great hopes and possibilities and personal goals I've replaced them with. My life now is so much better and brighter than I could ever have imagined it to be three or four years ago-- back when my transition to independence started.

I have friends who love my art, and don't care who I talk to on the phone. I have friends (well, one, anyway) who get as excited as I do over Pirate Music, and nobody in my new life uses my quirks as an excuse to put me down. I have friends to laugh with, friends to cry with, and I have places in my life where it's okay to enjoy being alone. I can watch Banger Sisters for the 37th time, and nobody comments on how well Goldie Hawn's boobs have held up over the years. Nobody gets mad at me for wanting to see a movie that many times, plus one more. Nobody gets bored half-way through and leaves to go play video games instead of cuddling with me on the sofa.

I can put yeast on my popcorn, and ice cream in the freezer. I can eat nacho chips and baked garlic on toast, with brie and basil on the side. I can sing silly children's songs and stand on one foot while I do the dishes (old habit, don't ask). I can get the urge to blog about the dread in my tummy at midnight, and jump out of bed to do it, knowing I'm not going to be waken at 4am to help find somebody else's special bullet-proof glasses. And two matching boot-top twisties. And to frantically sew the new patches on the other side of their only clean BDU shirt-- at JUST THE RIGHT ANGLE-- before my alarm goes off at 7am-- because he was too lazy to do it himself the night before.

I don't feel guilty every time I park under the covered parking, and every time I go out to lunch with a friend. Nobody makes me feel stupid for wanting safety bars in the windows and that extra lock mechanism on the front door. Nobody tells me what to wear (tho I'm really glad some of my friends are willing to give me opinions when I ask-- I admit to needing help from time to time), and I actually like coming home at night. To my home.

It's a good life. And very different from the one I used to live. With all the distance driving I do, and the limited amount of buying big stuff, no dog, and not too many friends without cars these days either-- the things I need in a vehicle have changed. I guess it makes sense that the vehicle itself might change, too. Now, I just have to get used to driving it. Darn.

What To

I don't know what to think. Ever since ... well, no. Before that. At some point on my way home from Mexico, I started to have this niggling feeling of dread. And then the car accident happened. I am so glad nobody was hurt! My insurance company was just awesome about it all, too.

I had a rental, I had a second interview for a job I wanted, I found out I didn't get the job. I found out my car really IS totalled, and I switched to an easier-to-drive rental. I actually kept the Behemoth longer than necessary because of the continuing feeling of dread in the pit of my tummy. If you're going to worry about bad things happening, you might as well be driving a cross between a tank and a toaster oven when they do. Technically, I think it was a Dodge Nitro.

I discovered that I had made the smart choice to pay a one-time fee for auto-loan-coverage on my old vehicle. That means that if your car is totalled (like mine), and it probably isn't worth what you still owe on the auto loan (like mine), your insurance pays the full loan amount regardless. I'll definitely be getting THAT coverage again. Then I got a good new auto loan, and started shopping around for a good new vehicle to drive. My parents even decided to help me with a down payment as a graduate-from-grad-school gift. No strings. Very cool of them!

VERY!

Today, I found an awesome new car. I got it for a decent price, and I drove it home with no problems. So WHY do I still have this feeling of dread in my tummy, and WHY is it getting WORSE?!

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Tomorrow I finally get to talk to a real person about my new vehicle and my new loan, etc. Tomorrow I'm also going to call and make sure my old loan really has been taken care of at this point. Tomorrow I go visit my folks. Tomorrow I have GOT to figure out a good gift for my aunt. I still can't believe we're two days out from Christmas. In Mexico, it's 85* and sunny for grinch's sake!

I'm suddenly remembering that although I wrote a new will, and my two friends, SM and DM agreed to be my new medical decision-makers, well... I still haven't gotten the sucker signed and sealed. It's sitting in a folder on the desk top of my computer... waiting.

I even found time to apply for one of the Youth Librarian Substitute slots that just came open in a city near me. It would be a great short-term solution to my job crisis if it works out. I know several people who are actually supporting themselves as librarian substitutes right now.

So in the meantime... if you have any idea what I'm so worried about-- let me know, okay? I'd like to deal with it and move on. It's almost Christmas, and I have things to do, people to hug, a cat to pet, and a car to drive. My life is pretty darn amazing. I'd like to be enjoying it. It's a good life. Really.

I mean-- I lived. I got away with some stiff muscles and a small bruise on my forehead. I don't owe thousands of dollars on a vehicle I no longer own. And I actually qualified for another car loan after that. With no job, no income, and no collateral.

I've got a place to stay with people I like. I've got a trip planned to visit a good friend and troll for jobs in the big leagues mid-January. I've got food in the fridge (I should really clean out the fridge!!), clean laundry, and a solid internet connection.

Like I said-- Life is good.
I'd like to start enjoying it now.
kthxbai

Crashing

There has been a lot of crashing in my life lately.
Crashing into each wave on the hour-long boat ride from Puerto Vallarta to Yelapa Mexico...
Crashing waves in Yelapa, Mexico...
The folks who crashed the wedding party in Yelapa, Mexico...
The wedding-crasher who had way too much to drink and then crashed in Yelapa, Mexico...
Crashing because I was SO DAGM TIRED when I got home from Yelapa, Mexico...
And my least favorite,
The car crash that happened to me this morning, in the USA, on my way to work the morning after I got home from Yelapa, Mexico.

So... what's new with you?


Okay okay-- I don't have it in me to type up all the great stories from my trip to Mexico right now, but I do want to say that I have never appreciated the very LOUD noise of the pounding surf as much as I did on Saturday Night. And I was also grateful for the mosquito netting around the bed. Not only did it keep all the crawly-biteys out, but it kept me from having a full frontal view of our naked guest after he and my roomie got out of the shower. Shower being a loose term, in this particular instance. In Yelapa, the showers are... rustic... and you get to share them with the local fauna.

Also on that subject, I have a new job title to add to my resume. I became the official lizard-wrangler at the wedding, thus allowing the bride to use the "bathroom" (again, a loose term in Yelapa) prior to the wedding ceremony. I'll have you know that no animals (or reptiles) were injured during my stay. They all went out the front door under their own power. I tell you, I am a master lizard-wrangler.

And my car accident? Well... not happy. Hopefully, I'll get a free rental for a few days. Hopefully, it only takes a few days to fix my car. Hopefully, they install an all-way stop at that dagmn intersection sooner than later. The officer did say, though, that this accident had less residual car-bits to clean up than most accidents at that intersection do. Yay. Nobody was hurt in any visible fashion. That's the good news.

Dog Days of Winter

A snapshot of my day:

6am
Mrrrrt? ....Mrrrowwwrrr?
THUMP!

...Mrrrr?

6:45am
Something is staring at me. I can feel it, and it wakes me out of a dead and desperate last half-hour of sleep before the alarm goes off.
...oh. It's my cat. She wasn't sure if I was awake or asleep, so she came over to find out. Guess I'm awake now.

8:10am
Shgit! I turned off the alarm, and actually went back to sleep! With the cat!

9am
I call in to my internship to let them know I'm going to be late. This head cold is really slowing me down, and that extra hour of sleep didn't really help much. I can't call in to the library because it doesn't open until 10am. I email my supervisor. I take an expectorant because my ribs hurt from coughing, and this is supposed to help the coughs do their thing more easily.

10am
Yet another reason to demand truth in advertising. I have not stopped gut-wrenching coughing since I took the dagmn expectorant. I can't see straight to find my keys let alone drive to my internship. Guess I'll be later than I thought. (B-HH-HH-HH-CH-HH-*gasp .... cough-cough... BHHH-TOOOHHHH-HHHH-*gasp... blow nose, feel head pound, wait for next big coughing fit to-- BHH-TOOOHHHH-cough-HHHHH)... I think I just gave myself a nose bleed.

11am
Grab 2 skeins of yarn to return to store, along with receipt. Put cell phone in purse. Put on Volunteer Badge. Grab lunch leftovers. Grab warm coat. Grab list of Practicum Goals from start of semester. Grab cat as she slides out the door. Start driving to internship. Dog in road. Lean black dog with collar and mange. Dog looks both ways, crosses in front of me since I've stopped. Dog gets out of road, I drive on.

11:30am
I arrive at my internship. I finish up a few final projects for various librarians. I get some interview advice. I look over my original goals and see what really happened here...

12:30pm
I leave for another local library branch, where we are having our monthly Youth Services Meeting. I realize that I've forgotten my purse. At home.

3:30pm
My coughing is so bad again that I leave the meeting early. I decide to head home for cough medicine and my purse, and then jet back to the library for the last hour of my internship.

4:15pm
Traffic is bad, too. And there's another dog in the road. Same road. I stop for it. A dalmatian this time, also with a collar (but no mange). This dog is stupid, but nice. It trots down the road in front of me. It stays in my lane. It makes good time. I put on my blinkers and roll along behind it. Someone in a parking lot sees the dog. It's her dog. She comes across the road to get the dog. The dog lets itself get got. I start driving again, and I turn off my blinkers.

4:30pm
I'm not going to make it back for that last hour of my internship, I might as well stay home. (cough, hack, wheeze, moan) Oh, look. Here's my purse. Hanging from it's hook as usual. At home.

...Mrrow?

Certifiable

Ummm.... so... About two weeks ago, I took my water bottle out of the car and brought it in to wash. See, the lid is just one of those pop-up squirt kinds (reusable), and I was reasonably sure the dog had licked it. I'd had to leave him in the car alone for a while, and he ended up in the front seat, nosing through everything.

It's taken me until today to actually get around to cleaning it, however. And as I was waiting for the water to get hot, I realized... I don't have a dog. But, hey, the water was hot now, and the lid probably needed a good washing anyway, so I've washed it. And had a good laugh at how I probably confused one of my realistic dreams with reality again... sigh...

My next inclination was to call my friend, SLM, and share my insanity with someone who would laugh as hard as I did. But then I thought-- hey-- why not share it with EVERYONE?! And I'm rather glad I did it this way...

Because I remembered, as I was typing, that I'd taken the water bottle on a hiking trip with a friend, and her two dogs. And I left the water bottle in the front seat when we ate lunch after our hike, and the dogs did indeed jump into the front seat and nose through everything. Including the lid to my water bottle. It just didn't happen in my car.

I'm telling you, I need therapy.
...preferably massage...

Neighborhood BBQ

It's 2am. I'm up and blogging because it's quiet. You know, in comparison to the last 25 minutes, during which time the all-building fire alarm was screaming at the top of its lungs.
Loudly.

But I learned that having some idiot pull the fire alarm at 1am is a REALLY good way to get to know your neighbors. No shigt, there we were. All of us. From the whole building. Standing around in our coats and sweat pants, laughing because we each determined that it wasn't OUR room that was on fire, and therefore tried to dismantle the ceiling alarm in our respective rooms... before we realized that this was not an alarm we could dismantle. No. In fact, someone came up from a different floor to apologize to those of us standing around outside, and explain that he'd left his friends alone in his apartment for a few minutes, and that someone had gone and pulled the fire alarm. Which can only be turned off by the fire department, it turns out. Thank god someone thought to call them.

We also laughed about what each of us thought to bring out of our apartments when we thought the building might be burning down. I brought my cat, my purse, and my book of passwords. I even remembered to put on pants and a coat, and get my car keys before I opened the door to my neighbors and went to stand in the cold for however long it took. The girl below me who thought to call the fire department took a moment to clean up her dirty clothes pile, and then grabbed her purse and her recycling so the place would be clean when the firemen arrived. She even had her make up on. A guy from down the way grabbed ear plugs and his leather coat. The guy below me grabbed his guitar.

Funny what matters most when you can't take everything. Funny that we all checked out our own places and assumed it was our own false alarm (because this happens a lot individually for us all-- any combination of cooking and oil will do it)... and that it took probably 5 or 10 minutes for us all to get out of our apartments. If it had been a real fire, would we have made it out?

I put my cat in the car, and then stood with everyone else on the sidewalk while people who'd been through this before told us how it happens, and how it gets turned off. And the guy with the do-it-yourself tattoos and the idiot friend (and the just-starting party) apologized. And finally the fire truck came. And they turned off the alarm. And we all wished each other a good night, and went back to our respective 2am activities. If my cat catches pneumonia, I know where to send the bill, that's for sure!

I've definitely decided to sleep in. Don't call me, k? And... I'm glad to say that most of my neighbors are pretty darn nice. Even at 2am.

Moonrise over the DoubleDribble

It's been an exciting 24 hours.
I haven't spotted the hidden cameras yet, but I know they're out there filming away, with glee in their hearts and laughter on their lips. I guess it's a good thing they aren't paying me. I don't think they could pay me enough to have these experiences on purpose.

The little boy I nanny (age 2.5) has discovered what stoplights are for, and that different kinds of vehicles have "names." So he is, at the age of 2.5, becoming an accomplished back seat driver. He also pretends to be a loud, fast, red "Thord" Truck (and boy is he LOUD and FAST when he plays truck!!!). He also has noted that the front end of my car is "broken," and really feels that I should get it fixed. I know because he now brings it up on a regular basis. Like every five minutes. I agree with him. And as soon as I have an extra $1,100 lying around, I will go right out and do that, if only to change the subject.

Driving home last night (after a longer than usual work day-- usual being 10 hours, plus driving), I tried to open a new bottle of water by squeezing it between my legs so I could drive with one hand and twist the lid with the other. This resulted in a geyser-like fountain of cold water soaking my pants and car seat-- RIGHT THERE-- and feeling really odd all the way home. Except first I had to walk into the library and pick up a bunch of books on hold. And greet my coworkers. All while pretending that it didn't really look like I just peed my pants.

It felt like a wet bathing suit about an hour after you get out of the pool, only the rest of me was fully clothed and perfectly dry. And let me tell you, undies take a fugging long time to dry, and hours-old wet bathing suits are COLD!!!

Of course, this was also the night that I had to drive straight to the unnamed library from work so that I could pick up the books I was supposed to have read for the Inservice I attended all day today. I got there 15 minutes before the library closed, and both books I needed were in. Of course, I got home around 8:30pm, and was just so hungry and exhausted that I only read one of the books. Unfortunately, it was not the one they actually remembered to ask me to give a presentation on at the Inservice today. Yeah-- THAT was the book I DIDN'T read.

Luckily, on my way past the exit I would normally take to go HOME from work, sitting in my soggy and rather hysterical state of exhaustion, with Kid Rock playing thumpily about cowboys in the background, I noticed the moon. A full moon. A harvest moon. Rising over the edge of a distant hill, right next to the snowy top of some awesome mountain or other. They were actually about the same size. Immense and breath-taking. And the whole view was framed between two much closer foothills. I knew I had my camera in the car. I just couldn't find it.

...Until about 20 minutes later when I was at a stoplight about 10 minutes away from the unnamed library. That's when I found the camera, and finally managed to take a picture of this gorgeous glowing full moon...

And this morning, as I spoke with the financial aid office about why I STILL don't have my student loan money, but have received ten letters about how they plan to give it to me in the near future, I downloaded the photo onto my computer. There she was. The most beautiful full moon I've seen in quite a while. Rising majestically into the clear sky over the Double Dribble bar. Sigh...

That's when Student Aid finally informed me that they'd sent my student loan checks out two weeks ago-- to my old address that I haven't lived at for over a year. And to compound it all, I got home from a full day of training today (on how to be an effective Youth Librarian), only to find an email from Student Aid informing me that ALL of my student loan checks have now been canceled and reissued. Even the ones I received a year ago and deposited and used up.

....man.... I wish I kept hard alcohol in the house! And unbidden came the thought...
"I'll bet the Double Dribble has some."

Eat It

I've concluded that puking in public parking lots is infinitely more humiliating than puking in the privacy of your own bathroom. I've also concluded that food poisoning sux as much this time as it did last year when I got it (by golly, I think that was in August, too!). And, to top it all off, puke stains are not easy to remove from the fabric of one's car.

On the plus side, I've reestablished my love of and appreciation for food, and I will now be stocking flat soda pop permanently in the back of my fridge, as it is the only thing I've found that STOPS the continued after-effects of food poisoning for me. I also want to thank my good friends, whom I called between frantic jaunts to the bathroom because I didn't have any soda pop, or soda crackers, or baking soda (for the car stains)-- and who called each other, and then eventually LG showed up at my door with half her pantry and a bunch of kids movies to make my life easier. Luckily, her pantry included some sprite and a whole box of soda crackers. I love my friends.

Oh, and my cat's tooth cleaning (and mine, come to think of it) went fine. It was just the drive home that was painful-- because that's when my food poisoning struck. She's fully recovered but for some short fur on her front leg where they had the tubes (you don't clean a cat's teeth when it's awake, thank you very much). I'm able to eat rice and potatoes and vegetables again, and water with no sprite in it, so things are getting better for me, too.

Oh, and classes start again tomorrow. Yay. On the plus side, it is my final semester in my quest for a Masters Degree, and I don't have that one professor this time. YAY! ...bbbboooosssseeee...

Has it All

Driving home from work yesterday, saw a big macho truck.
And this truck had every macho or cool thing the owner could think of.
-It was jacked up.
-It was black.
-It had a skull and crossed bones sticker on the tailgate.
-It had steer antlers.
-It had a shark fin.
-It had the stickers that look like bullet holes.
-It was pretty funny to see ALL the gimmicks on one vehicle!

The little boy I nanny put in a special request for books about trains and airplanes from the "libbery" this week. He was so thrilled yesterday when I BROUGHT THE BOOKS!! Sat right down and flipped through each of them. I just love that.

The little girl took her first two steps yesterday!!! I called mom right away and told her about it, even though she was at work. She was so thrilled! Who knows how long it'll be until the next steps happen, but that was just SO COOL!!!

Remind Me...

Okay-- Today, I'm pretty burned out from working 2:30pm-11:30pm last night, plus the hour drive on each end. The driving is getting to me. I handled two 1-hour commutes a week (totalling 4 hours of driving), but adding the 1.5 hour commute each week (3 more hours) on top of that has really started to make my body ache. So I thought it'd be a very good time to come up with three beautiful things (or more if I can find them) from the past day or two-- and again for today.

• I actually indulged in my access to cable TV where I work last night-- after 10pm-- HOORAY FOR HGTV! My first viewing in almost a year.
  
• Hit the farmer's market E showed me that is SO MUCH CLOSER to where I live than any of the others (that's good all by itself!)-- and found out the HOOD STRAWBERRIES will be around for at least another week. YAY!
• Discovering exactly which kind of procrastinator I am, and what to do about it. The hope of relief from my procrastination problem is very exciting. VERY.

And today?
Hmmm...

• I get to hit Kwan's with the folks tonight, and since I was headed through town anyway, it won't be adding any driving to my day to do it.
• I might actually remember to bring mom's birthday card AND a father's day card for dad with me, and can stop feeling guilty about not doing much for either one.
• The Ikea in Portland just posted that they'll open July 25th.
  

I feel better already!

Gimme a D

Here we go-- second official 3BT blog! (three beautiful things-- check it out, browse the links, get happy)

• Bra Fittings at Nordstrom
• Fine-tip pens that don't smear
• Google Maps (I FOUND IT! I got there without getting lost!!! YAY!!!-- or is that #4?)

Spread the joy.

Only in Oregon

My Macintosh Computer is faster, easier to use, more intuitive, better-organized, has fewer bugs, is harder to screw up by mistake, never had a blue screen of death, has cleaner graphics, windows is based off the operating system of a mac, and on and on. I love my mac. Wouldn't trade it for the world, and I am very familiar with IBM computers. Currently, it's also my sound system, my education system, my social system (via the internet), and a piece of art.

And yet, for my schooling, I have had to switch between three THREE browsers in order to be able to access the buttons on the blackboard program over the last three semesters... because I use a Mac. And now? The only browser that currently works can't find its server. At all.

Folks, this is FINALS WEEK. In fact, I have today to write a major final paper, and tomorrow to write the last one of the semester. And I have an all-day class through my local community college on Saturday, visit my folks Sunday, and have my first day at my new internship for library world on Monday. This is a BAD TIME for my browser connection not to work.

(Update: It's not the browser-- it's the TWU server. No server. No TWU access. No library link. No paper. NOOOOOooooo....)

Not only that, but the LJ blog I'm contributing to just went live today-- YAY-- and I can't type in my own blog entries... because I have a Mac. Not the fault of LJ at all-- in fact, they've been working tirelessly to get a patch to this problem because I'm not their only mac-using contributor. And today? I can't even login to the blog tool for LJ. Great. I was going to use that money to finally get new contacts and maybe a long-overdue dental cleaning. I need my teeth.

I'm just getting fed up.

Beyond that-- this week I nannied Tuesday AND Wednesday-- two 10-hour days in a row, with a total of 4 hours of driving between work and home. And know what? Little 6 month old E. is sick with the same head cold that 2-year-old N. gave me last week. I'm not quite over it yet, and starting to wonder about things like "how expensive is ear infection medicine if you don't have health care?"

And N.? He's two. And the tantrums have started. Oh, yes. Let me tell you, he has LUNGS. On Tuesday the one that sticks out in my mind (over all the other ones) is the one where I gave him a special treat of 3 craisins (forbidden after breakfast)-- which he happily mixed into his yogurt (also a special treat-- because he finished his veggies at lunch). Then he ate the three bites of yogurt with craisins in it, and demanded more craisins. No dice. Sorry. Lucky you to get yogurt, though! ...

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH (with a little whining at the start and end, and a lot of big tears). "Yogurt is a special treat, N. So you can stop whining and enjoy the rest of your yogurt, or you can go have a time out to calm down." He picked time out. PICKED IT OVER YOGURT. So he got to sit in his "time out chair" until he calmed down. Which was a loud process, and took a while. I spent the time cleaning up lunch. With a six-month old, that can take a while, too. N. came back to the table. Where was the yogurt?? Oh- well, you didn't want it anymore, so I put the rest of it in the garbage. That's what happens when you don't want something-- it goes away.

.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH..... It was a long day. That was Tuesday.

Wednesday? Yeah. Wednesday, he was really REALLY jealous of "all the attention" his little sister was getting-- the sick 6-month-old. Who just crawled for the first time, getting a black eye in the process, and has really not complained much at all about the nasty head cold she has and only gets held when we feed her a bottle now because of N.'s jealousy issues. And she just deals with it, with a smile for any attention she does get. He spent most of the day trying to act like a baby and taking toys away from E. and taking great joy in telling her NO WHINING, E.! over and over again. She was very confused. She hadn't been whining.

Luckily, this was also Wednesday. I love cats.

This is John Henry. He's the one who is bigger than the soccer ball. His brother, Scooter, is the one whose butt was the same height as the dining chairs. My hands did eventually get washed, by the way. (I have time to tell you all this and download these great photos because the TWU server is still down. I checked.)

So now I need to get online-- into the TWU online library databases and find myself 15-20 citations of recent Library Literature-- scholarly articles about library stuff, usually written by librarians, and published in library magazines-- that support my project proposal for my local public library-- which proposal was unknowingly dictated by a series of weekly projects about different facets of a professional project proposal over the course of the semester. We couldn't rewrite one of the facets for the proposal we've now decided on-- no. We had to pick five of the existing short papers we already wrote (out of about twelve), and explain why each was relevant to the project we were doing. So I'm not doing the project I'd like to do today-- one that would be easy to find Library Lit about. No. I'm doing the only topic I actually wrote a full five short papers about (or almost about).

And I can't access the online TWU library databases because the only internet access thingy that currently works with TWU's system (yeah- they don't tell you when they switch which program they are supporting, either-- that was a fun two weeks earlier this semester!-- HELP MY BUTTONS ARE DISAPPEARING... what? Use Safari? Last semester you told me to throw Safari out because you only supported Firefox for mac-users. The semester before that, all I could use was IE. You're sure? And you say it's ALWAYS been Safari?...right...) CAN'T FIND ITS SERVER.

...sigh...

Well, I feel better. There is something about just COMPLAINING without having someone try to tell you how to fix your problem that really helps it be a problem you can go back and deal with for a bit longer. I mean, really. Just getting acknowledgment that the situation sux-- it DOES suck. But that doesn't mean I don't know how to make it work anyway. And with that in mind, I'm going back online (safari doesn't support google, so I can't enter my blogs in that program...) to see if Safari is back on line yet. So I can finish my paper. So I can pass the class. And start writing the next paper.

Did I tell you about driving home from work last night? (a much happier topic than my final papers, so let's ruminate here for a bit) It was classic Oregon weather. I mean-- yeah, the Northwest is known for it's Rain etc... but each State (I've lived in them all, including some quality time in the State of Insanity) has its own flavor. And you dress a little differently for each one. In California, you bring a sweater just in case it gets cold, or if you are in a really air conditioned building. In Washington, you have an umbrella, and you bring your close-toed shoes to cross the parking lot to your car after work.

But in Oregon... so there I was, driving home from 10 hours of screaming high maintenance with about five different colors of body fluid and baby food on my shirt... The sun was out, but the wind was up. I got blown around on the road a bit. Then it started to rain. Then I had to switch the wipers to DOUBLE-HEAVY-DUTY so I could sorta see the tail lights of the car in front of me through the groundswell and the rain. Then the sun came out, and there was a gorgeous double rainbow. Which I took pictures of through my windshield. As I drove, the end of the rainbow came to rest on the hood of my car. It was magickal. Then it started hailing. Not quite the size of marbles. The sound inside my car was deafening. There in rush-hour traffic on a main highway... and the rain mixed in with the hail, and some of it hit the windshield more like snow... and then it was the HEAVY RAIN again, and then the sun came out for a while longer. After that, it was mostly wind and drizzle. Wow. I felt like I'd gone through a thorough cleansing and rebirth. The whole thing was beautiful. Happy May! And really... what good would an umbrella have done in THAT?

So, yeah. In Oregon, you layer. This is what we do every day, because who KNOWS what the weather will bring. A t-shirt in case it warms up or your car sits in the sun all day and gets HOT. A sweatshirt because it's going to be cold in the morning and cold once the sun goes back down, and cold if some fool has switched on the A/C already this year in some of the buildings. You bring a change of socks because it doesn't matter what kind of shoes you are wearing, your feet will get soaked. You bring an umbrella if you are trying to preserve makeup and a delicate hair-do. You bring a gortex raincoat if you're a real Oregonian, and you forget to put the hood up unless it's REALLY RAINING. Those zip-off pants were made for Oregonians. They save us having to find a bush to change our pants behind when it gets HOT, or COLD-- as it does frequently throughout the day here, most of the time. Of course, if you go that way, you might have to shave off that warm winter layer of leg hair... at least below the knee...

Have I ever told you about the two weeks my senior year of high school-- and all the things that kept us going home early and getting days off? Two weeks-- I kid you not-- we got out of school for high winds, flooding, snow, someone set fire to the school- twice- AND there were a couple of days where temperatures hit 80* in those weeks, too. Only in Oregon.

Okay. Time to stop procrastinating and go write papers and things. Maybe my new Legally Blonde CD will help... Nothing like a little Girl Power to get your mojo going. Especially when what I really want is a nice nap to the sound of the rain... or in the warm sun from my window... or most probably- both. Photos of said double rainbow through windshield will be forthcoming. Not sure how the ones I tried to take of the hail turned out, though...

Here's the double rainbow-- the "shadow" one is to the left of the primary. They are both amazing works of art. No, the TWU website is not up yet. So I'm playing with pictures. I might even get a shower in today if this keeps up! Wow.

The other half of the rainbow, on the way past.

Self-entertainment, thy name is "Librarian."

By the way, my mystery plant-- the one from this winter that Abbigale didn't manage to eat before I transplanted it outside (in the middle of winter)-- it is definitely a sweet pea vine. The evidence was delicious.

HAPPY APRIL

I don't know why, but the coming of April has always been really exciting for me. Not even consciously (until today) have I been this aware of the fact that on the first day of April, I am always VERY HAPPY about it being that day-- all day long. Weird, huh? YAY!

I had a day out with my mom yesterday. It was full of happy or ridiculous (and often both) little coincidences, too. Made things interesting. Like-- she was supposed to arrive around 10am at my home, and we'd go from there together. Only she missed the exit off the freeway. Which little extra side trip gave me enough time to actually clear off all the seats in the living room (I did laundry, folks, it meant stacks of clean-but-unfolded clothes in all the chairs), AND empty the garbage. I even fit in a shower-- although I had to laugh because her "OH NO, WHAT DO I DO" phone call came just after I got myself mostly dried off. So there I was. In the living room. In my towel. Giving suggestions on the phone. And another call came in while I was standing there. What are the odds of getting TWO CALLS while standing in front of my un-shielded living room windows in a towel?! Huh.

And then she arrived while I was excavating the passenger seat of my car. I drive an hour each way to work (as you know, because I tell you about it all the time)-- so my passenger seat is my unofficial copilot and storage space for anything I MIGHT POSSIBLY NEED while driving. The good news is that she can take all my plastic water bottles home with her to recycle. That cleared up a LOT of space, let me tell you.

So then we exchanged little "I love you, here's this inexpensive thing I know you'll love" gifts-- and we did both love them. Mine was a great used wooden mixing spoon. I've been wanting one, actually. Hers was a sachet made of organic herbs I found and sewed into a patchwork little bag (along with a whole bunch of good intentions), with a lovely spring-green ribbon to hang it from. It's about 2 inches square. Mom cried.

And finally, we were off to the Japanese Gardens! Where we'd timed our visit perfectly because everything was either in bloom, or budding out with the cutest little baby leaves ever. Turns out mom and I are both fans of tree buds and baby leaves. We took turns taking pictures of them. Which became its own little adventure. See- she couldn't really see what she was taking a picture of in her camera's view-finder. So she'd point and shoot, and then I'd look at it and tell her what she got. A few times, I actually aimed HER, and then told her when to click the button. Group Photography. We had a blast. It was good we both had our cameras, too, because we were both fine with stopping every two feet to snap another shot. All the other people around us were totally patient with us, too, which was very nice of them. I've included a couple of samples of the beauty with which we were surrounded. If you live here, you should go there.

A Beautiful Heart

I went to the coast today, and met two really wonderful ladies. I also had a really REALLY yummy marrionberry scone, picked up some more driftwood to dry for my patio bonfires, and almost but not quite ran out of gas on the way home. Luckily, I realized it was going to happen, and did NOT start back into the mountains until after I found myself a gas station and filled 'er up. I'm home safe now, just in case you were worried.

By the way, if you are uncomfortable with what lies behind reality, you may not want to read the rest of today's blog. I go there. And it's beautiful. I usually try not to go there in my blog... but today was special, and you'll just have to deal. Whether you believe that energy is a scientific phenomenon based on simple magnetic properties of the earth and the moon, a reflection of God's light in each of us, a spiritual force, that it is of the great Mother Earth and the Moon Goddess herself, or something else entirely, we each have moments in our lives where we just have to accept what occurs, and say "thank you." Both of the women I met today fall into this category, and I'm going to tell you about them. Backwards.

The second woman that I met at the coast today has a little shop in a corner of a building so NOT on the main path that I really had to look at the door for a while to decide if it was the FRONT door or not. It was. In fact, it was the only door. I only even saw that door because I was taking a short-cut behind other buildings toward a sign I'd seen earlier in the day for a bead store. This, it turns out, was not the bead store... I never made it to the bead store, and I'm still glad that I followed the sign. After staring at the door for a while, I went into the shop, to be confronted with a little of everything that I love and am looking longingly at these days.

It was very overwhelming at first. I truly think that I could have had anything in my mind that I REALLY NEEDED TO FIND at that moment, and it would have somehow manifested in that little shop. There were rings, beads, scarfs, incense burners, tarot cards, little statues, big statues, fixings, containers, books, more scarfs, gorgeous jewelry, semi-precious pendants, amazing pieces of art-- and over in one dark corner were bits and remnants of all the things I'd have LOVED to find there as a child... That corner is obviously somewhat neglected now. There is even another half of the store that I never made it into. And this was a small store.

After I'd been standing by the front door staring at a rack of five different kinds of birth-sign reading cards (the star signs we all know from our horoscope in the paper, the Chinese animals, the Egyptian goddesses, African fortunes, and more), a woman appeared. She is probably in her sixties, and though she doesn't look old, her hair is pure white, and she looks like she knows a hell of a lot. I didn't really have much conversation with this wise woman, but I was thrilled to find that she is every bit as interesting as her choice of what to have for sale in her shop. And somehow, the prices were all ones I could handle, too... just not all at once. I'm definitely going back to that store the next time I go to that part of the coast. First off, I want to see if the store (and the owner) actually exists outside of my mind, and more-- I want to explore the second half of the shop! I am now the proud owner of a Healing Woman Tarot deck, and a beautiful spring green 100% cotton sari scarf, shot with silver threads, from India. I also feel like I just met a manifestation of the Goddess, and that the store existed in that moment, just for me. Since I'm quite happy about that interpretation of events, I didn't ask too many questions, and I didn't look behind me when I walked away. I just said "thank you," as I closed the door.

A little background for the first part of the second story:
My Aunt Jacque, mom's oldest sister, was a very special person. She was a truly spiritual being by the time I knew her. She got that way, in large part, by remembering to breathe. She became an ordained and practicing Presbyterian Minister somewhere along the way. She also worked with healing energy, cleansed auras, used essential oils medicinally, met with the Dali Lama, traveled all over the world, and loved unconditionally. She just KNEW things. She knew when to watch Spring unfold-- that one magical day each year when the leaves appear and the buds turn green or pink or gold. She knew unusual facts about celebrities-- and she wasn't someone to sit down and read a People Magazine. She knew what essential oils your body needed to get healthy, and she often knew what ailed you. She knew how to listen, and how to tell a good story.

She was never on time. She didn't actually have a sense of time as we know it... and she was happier that way, I think. She didn't really know how to drive either, but she made her way around Chicago without getting into accidents, for years. I think she had a bit of divine intervention on that one. You'd agree if you'd ever spent time with her in the car. I suspect she is the person who taught my mom to drive, actually. She'd be looking in the rear view mirror (or be half-turned in the driver seat, and looking at you directly) to maintain eye contact with you as she told a story-- and the car would be slowly swerving back and forth across the full width of whatever road she happened to be on. But we never crashed, never drove off the road, never hit another car... She also never knew how to get where she was going, but she usually got there anyway. I take a surprising amount of encouragement from this one little fact. That someone this gifted and internally beautiful might not really have known how to get where she was going-- and that she still got there in the end... maybe I will, too.

(This also ties nicely into my reality of following directions while driving. You see, I have a tradition. No matter how hard I try, I can't break it. The tradition is that you will give me driving directions over the phone, and I will write them down in detail, and with clear organization, so that I can follow them later when I'm driving... and then I will not look at those directions again until I am on my way to visit you, and realize that I've left those great directions at home. And I somehow-- often with a few phone calls for help if it's a long way to go-- manage to get to where I was going anyway. I love that!)

She started her own school of healing, called Crossroads, ran her own business, produced a CD of meditation techniques, faught off breast cancer at least three times, and started writing her own book of spirituality as well, before she died. She even knew how to decide when she would die-- noon on Christmas Day. And she always knew what I needed from her to make things okay again... Jacque is a wise woman I've turned to for love, support, and better understanding throughout my lifetime. I tell you this now, because it is pertinent to my meeting with the first woman of today.

The first woman I met today is a clairvoyant. A really brave person who has overcome a lot of fear in her life. I met her by accident a while back, and have exchanged maybe two words with her since then. Today, I asked her to do a reading for me. She sat me down and asked me if I had any questions or expectations, and I told her I just wanted to see what came up. I think some of the best gifts are the ones we don't ask for, so to me it was an opportunity to learn what I may not even KNOW I need to know.

She looked at me and told me that I have a very strong creative bent to my life. That my creative talents are as much or as little as I need them to be, because I've really tapped into them fully of late, and because my will is so strong that I shape them to my liking. She said I'm well-grounded now, and I've spent time building a strong foundation lately, but that now I'm moving forward with my creativity, my skills, and my plans for balance and security-- and I'm going in the right direction with all of it. Then she opened her eyes and said I have a beautiful heart. She was a bit in awe of all that she'd seen me overcome in the past year, and of all the protection and sunshine that surround me now and for the future. She says it's because I'm acting from my heart now, and I have such a great heart. (This may be about when I started crying... I can't think of a better compliment-- a better place to work from-- than having a beautiful heart!)

Much to my surprise, it is not just my Aunt Jacque that she saw watching over me of late, but also my Grandfather Elliott. It makes sense, and I'm glad to know that now. Because this is what she does, just like Jacque did what she did, this gifted woman spoke with my angels, and she looked into my "history book of the soul" that the angels keep for each of us, and discovered that there are two volumes for mine. The reference material from my whole life and lives leading up to about a year ago, and the new volume I've been writing since that time. I've gone through such a rebirth that it is as if I am a different person.

She was actually quite surprised to realize that the things she saw in the past, and the things she saw in the present/future are for the same person! (I guess this reading, like many other first meetings I've had with some of the great women in my life, was a great new experience for her. I'm so glad about that! Sometimes, my desire to be different-- to be outstanding-- surprises me. Especially since I'm okay with buying my clothes off the rack at Fred Meyer or some other chain store half the time.) She told me that my strength is my own (I'd really been wondering when whatever was giving me the strength to do all this would go away again, so that was SUCH a relief to know it's actually mine!), and that it has come from the decisions I made, and the efforts I've put out in the past year. She was just thrilled about the future path that she sees for me, too. Whatever it is, she believes I am going about it just at the right speed, and in the right manner. And she was asked to let me know that the people I need in my life will be there waiting for me when I need them.

I've never had my fortune read, and beyond Aunt Jacque, I haven't really had a lot of energy work or other alternative medicine done either... but since Jacque's death, I've felt like my sense of direction has been harder and harder to find... (I had a compass tattooed on my back a few days after she died, come to think of it) and in some ways, that was true... but not because of Jacque. Today, I learned some great visualization techniques to help me deal with my fears, and I learned that it is okay to acknowledge my struggles, and to take credit for my successes and for my inner strength in working to succeed and be joyful. Additionally, I found a great alternative to calamine lotion for dealing with my "I don't want to date yet, but flirting is fun" itch... and I made a good friend. I believe that there is energy out there, and that there is a font of universal knowledge waiting to be tapped into. I believe that people like my Aunt Jacque and the clairvoyant woman I met today are tapped into that knowledge in some way... and so for me, it is easy to put aside my scientific mind, and stop assuming that life is just random chance occurring over and over again... and to say "thank you" for the gifts I've received today.

So... speaking of people appearing in my life when I need them, have I told you about the blog I'm going to participate in writing for the LibraryJournal magazine? At the ALA Midwinter Meeting back in January, a woman I'd never seen before sat down to rest at my small table (two rickety chairs, about 20 newspapers, my lunch, and a bunch of crumbs) outside a really busy Starbucks one day. Neither one of us was drinking coffee. She ended up asking me a bunch of questions about being an online MLS student. She was also interested in the fact that I have my own blog. (You're reading it.) It turns out that she is the Editor-in-Chief of the LibraryJournal, and she has been thinking about starting a library student blog in her journal's online component-- and I may just be lucky enough to come along for the ride now that we've met!

Yeah. Really happened. Random woman on the street... just when I was trying to network and thinking about looking for opportunities to publish my work (if I have any library-related work worth publishing at this point) so that I could make myself more appealing for library jobs down the line...

I could tell you a lot of other stories from my life just like this-- stories where I meet a stranger, and gain an opportunity or learn a lesson or hear a story that changes the way I look at life-- changes my future plans for the better. It isn't really coincidence. Remember that time you were traveling... stuck in an airport you'd never been to before, and in some part of the country you never visit? Remember how you bumped into someone from your elementary school that you always wondered about, or your old next-door neighbor with those great dogs, or the perfect character for your next book, and the name is even perfect? "Small world!" you said... and all the angels and fairies and scientists and totem animals just laughed from where they were watching over your progress through your life... and then, as you boarded the airplane and finally headed out to your next destination, you thought to whisper a "thank you" into the air. Coincidence. Totally.

Dozers

It's genetic. When my mom got tired, she would just fall asleep as soon as she stopped moving. It was that simple. And, apparently, it's catching.

And my mom did a LOT-- she gardened, cooked all our meals from scratch, made most of my clothes, took care of me and the house, and sometimes another child or two as well... had a part-time job, canned foods from the garden... on and on and on. She was tired a lot. So she'd sit down to watch a movie with the family, or lie down next to me to tell me a bedtime story... and she'd miss the last half. We'd have to wake her up so she could go to bed. Her bed. And the funny part was that often, when she finally went to bed, she'd start worrying. She'd worry about this and that and the expiration date on the milk and what if her daughter went out with friends one afternoon and didn't come home and... She'd be up all night thinking these horrid destructive thoughts. And the next day, she'd be tired.

Yet another chapter in "Adventures with Mom" would be written when she sat down in a nice comfy driver's seat, with a head rest and warm air blowing on her toes... to drive over the mountains and to the beach later that afternoon. After a while, she started bringing carrots and ice with her in the car, and I stopped talking so much when we drove places. I think it was quite a relief to us both.

(I did, however, come away from it all with the highly useful-- and oft used-- skill of talking about nothing for long periods of time to desperate people who need to be distracted by something unimportant. The variety of desperate situations which call for this particular skill continue to confound me.)

Genetically speaking, I find that I also need to stop and sleep when I get tired these days. I don't have a button on the back of my head or anything, but if I'm trying to read my school books or focus on the budget, and I didn't get enough sleep the night before... I might as well just go lie down for a bit and get it over with. And I keep a bag of fish crackers in the car, just in case. After all, you never know when the urge to nap may strike!

Why am I telling you all this? Well! This morning, I had to get up a half-hour earlier than usual for work. 4:30am. For those of you who do this on a regular basis-- GOOD LORD!! It was for a good cause, and I'm glad I did... but I was also very glad to get home early, and fall back into bed for a few hours. Now, as long as I don't start to worry about re-applying for the FAFSA and finishing Sue's Quilt and paying the rent on time, and what will happen if I don't check my other email for another week, and... I should get some decent sleep tonight, and be able to catch up on my school reading tomorrow. The thing is, I actually had to take a cat nap during one of my breaks. I just could NOT keep my eyes open! It's genetics. It has to be. A whole race of people who NEED THEIR SLEEP! I have a name for them, too. Dozers.

(Don't mess with my reasoning here. I'm quite happy to blame genetics for this little fact. If I think about how many different pies I have in the oven, I'll start to worry. Don't mess with it, I say!)