I just received a comment on my last blog post from someone who clearly knew/knows me, or has spent a hell of a lot of time reading my posts. And they chose to be anonymous in their comment. The funny part is that the comments they made point out how LITTLE whoever it is actually knows me. I'm kinda sad about that, because they clearly have a very poor impression of me.
And since this is a personal blog, and I thought that the only people reading it were folks I'd given the url to in person... I'm taking the comment personally, and responding from a very personal place.
Sadly, I've recently (ie: in the last five years) had a few folks (and only a few) in my life decide that my reasons for making certain personal decisions-- or my ability to make good decisions in the first place-- were not good enough, because they knew what was best for me better than I did. So I'm a mite sensitive. And I'm taking the comment seriously. However, the first version was way too long, so here's the edited-down version of my response:
----
After selling the house, and leaving the marriage, and failing to find the career I trained for, I spent a long time figuring out what "success" means to me in my life and the way I live. What *I* want to get out of my time on earth. How *I* take responsibility for my own happiness and wellbeing. I even had to figure out what style and color of clothing I wear when I'm not trying to fit someone else's expectations.
And it's not the narrow "has a nice house and a nice ass and nice a retirement account" view of things that we're taught is what you're SUPPOSED to want out of life. For example, I want to build my home out of straw bale, and live off the grid. And I work hard to do something that makes someone else's life better every day-- even if it's just smiling at a stranger or giving a can of soup to a homeless man. And I won't sacrifice my health, my dreams, or my integrity in order to look like I'm doing well, or to do what I'm "supposed to" according to someone else's rule book.
I don't post every day, as you may have noticed, so there is a lot of my life (good and bad and in between) that I've left out. If this blog is the only way you know me, it's a really narrow view, and I'm sorry. You're right. A lot of it is somewhat negative. And I'm usually laughing at myself through those ridiculous negative blog posts. If you don't know me, you might not pick up on that. So now you know. I expect you to read that post about my lack of sleep, and burst out laughing at how silly it is. I do.
My life is full of blessings. Every day I am alive is a blessing. Having a car and the money for gas is a blessing. Having the use of both my legs is a blessing. Getting to come home to a great friend like GB every night is a blessing. The rain that washes the earth clean is a blessing. Being able to find humor in stressful situations is a blessing. And I use that particular blessing a lot.
This blog is here for me to write about the ridiculousness of life-- good and bad. And it was meant only to be read by folks I know and love, and who know and love me-- just the way I am. Folks who I think can connect with this particular aspect of my personality and life. I've now visited my "settings" page, and discovered that my blog was public in a way I have never edited content for it to be. If I offend you here, or you find it difficult to love and respect me just the way I am, please stop reading this blog.
Trust me, I learned this the hard way many years ago. People change or not, at their own pace. They may come to those they trust and see as knowledgeable, and ask for help in making a change. But only when they realize their current way of being is unhealthy, see the value of that change, and are committed to making it happen themselves. And if you have a different value system from your friend-- it is disrespectful to expect them to change and share your exact same value system. It IS reasonable to ask your friends not to try and change you and your choices to fit THEIR lifestyle and moral standard.
So there we go. The short answer to your concern over my life choices is this:
--No, I don't think I'm repeating mistakes from my marriage right now.
--Well, actually, I had several great options for where to go when I decided to move. I was not in danger of becoming homeless. (Wow, you'd think the commenter was trying to be hurtful or something.)
--Yes, I do think that I'm in a stressful situation, actually, but Yes-- there are a lot of positives about it, too, that I didn't blog about. It won't always be stressful. I spend a lot of time enjoying my life and being grateful, and being introspective about everything, and that may not be in my blog because I'm too busy LIVING THE JOY and learning to be a better, happier person as I go.
--Actually, contrary to what you thought, my Life Coaching business still exists, but my goals for it in the next few years have changed. I'm not at all bitter about it. I'm excited to see what my life holds, and how it unfolds.
--I find myself and my life choices worthy of respect. I feel good about the decisions I've made and the reasons I've made them. If you are trying to make yourself feel better by finding problems with my life choices, there's some personal work for YOU to do there, chika, when you're ready. Contrary to your aim, the comment you made was neither loving nor insightful.
--Wait, what else did you suggest I was making poor choices about or failing at? I forget. I ranted in my blog (as I usually do), and deleted most of the rant (as I usually do), and now I'm over it so I can get on with all the other projects and deadlines and self-bettering goals and friendships and blessings and responsibilities that fill my life. I love my life.
YAY ME!
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