Entangled

Well, having done a bit of fishing on that PlentyOfFish site, I actually caught somebody. Or he caught me. Well, regardless, we're spending a lot of time together. So I guess I'm now an advocate of some judicial dating websitery. Though there were quite a few potential catches that I threw back so they'd have more time to mature...

This particular euphamism is SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY WITH!!! Even if I can't spell it.

Ahem-- So. It's been nearly a month since I met the Boy, and he's pretty great. (GB for short-- as in Great Boy) I thought I had these high expectations for the next guy I would willingly get silly over, and I expected that most men I met would just fall way short of those expectations. And I wasn't going to compromise, either. Not this time.

See, I'd finally become ready to pursue dating-- but I sort of had it in the back of my head that I was still probably better off alone. Problem is, GB keeps exceeding those expectations of mine like they don't even exist. He even managed to enjoy himself at my parents' recent "Old Folks" reunion of people who knew each other before I was born. And he didn't even need any babysitting. He just went and blended right in, and ... well, it was pretty cool, really.

And now that I'm officially dating someone specific, I have a whole new list of questions you want to ask after you've been dating for a bit, but probably shouldn't... Like the ones for the initial dating scenario on the right there... only now it's been a few weeks since the first date. And I don't think I'll be posting those questions here. I like making the Boy blush, but only in private.

So he (GB) manages to mix a little bit of Romantic and Self-Confident with a whole lot of Practical and Responsible, and then throws in a heavy-handed shot of Unpredictable. It's the Unpredictable that gives our relationship its kick-- though the original ingredients definitely have their place. See, Unpredictable is a combination of Devilish, Nerdy, Thoughtful, Observant, Devilish, and Sweet.

He's not perfect. Really not. (I do wish he had a little more "communicates current intentions" in him sometimes...) But then, nobody is. I mean, take me, for example. I waited until 20 minutes before I had to leave for an appointment with my cat and her daily dose of medicine, and then I way over-communicated something to BG that I'm not sure *I* understand yet, and burst into tears all over his favorite shirt. (For reasons totally unrelated to him!) It was not my best moment, really.

The good news is that when I did it, he just hugged me, and was all calm and patient and understanding, and then he handed me a cookie and walked me to my car. And when he gets on his "doom and gloom are coming" jags, I'm pretty good at giving him a hug, and pointing out other more positive potential outcomes to the situation he's worried about-- or just something pretty I notice in the real world outside to bring him back to Earth...

The bad news is that we have pretty different tastes in movies and books... And that it's harder than I thought to say what I want and go after it regardless, once I decide to really start caring for somebody. Also, I'm realizing that it will just take a lot of time-- and checking in with MYSELF-- to really know how my expectations and I are doing in this relationship. And I mean both the expectations I have for myself, and for how I'm treated by the Boy.

Funny, that. We're both unused to being with someone so considerate as each other, and I think we have a lot of communication issues to iron out. Well, I do, anyway. A hard thing for me to acknowledge, when I've always been so gifted in the art of communication and understanding others' perspectives and motivations. But I also recognize that this would be true no matter WHICH boy I ended up dating. And I really appreciate that GB and I seem to be equally committed to figuring it all out and actually HAVING GOOD COMMUNICATION. And, really, it's only been a month. If you don't count the time we spent on email before our first date.

We'll see if he's still opening doors for me, and taking time for good two-way communication & clarification, and noticing what kind of ice cream I like-- and then buying a gallon of it for his freezer-- in another few months. We'll see if I've managed to overcome my angst about the many times when his plans and priorities make sense in a linear logical way, but mine make sense in an emotional internal logic sort of way-- and instead of acknowledging our differing priorities, I feel like a fool for not seeing things his way-- once we sort out why neither of us had the outcome we expected just now. And then I get a bit angsty about how difficult my logic is to explain or defend. Which is really a communication problem mixed with a little insecurity. And I suspect the problem isn't all on my side.

We'll see if I'm able to keep my needs and preferences separate in my mind from his-- and if I'm still making ME (and my perfectly appropriate logic) my priority-- in another few months. Because I think that's important to a healthy relationship. And I know from experience that it's really hard for me to do. But if *I* don't stay true to myself, who will?

So here I am. Entangled in my own fishing line, totally thrilled by my awesome catch, and not really sure if I'm strong enough to handle the challenging personal battle he represents. I'm not even sure what kind of fish he is yet. I just hope things stay as good over the long-term as they seem right now. Because they seem pretty awesome from where I'm sitting in this little boat for two.