Meh.

I just finished pulling myself out of a slump, and just started actually being productive and proactive in my life again (I only slumped for about a week, but I still felt guilty about it)...
WHEN SUDDENLY

I found out that the one place I'd got an inside track for getting hired hadn't even selected me to go on to the final round of interviews, and has in fact hired someone else to fill the position at this time. (the one in Minnesota) Now, logically, I know I shouldn't expect to get hired for the first job I apply to, and I know I should view the one interview I did have with this University as "practice"... but man, Shoulds SUCK, and so did that bit of news this morning. It would be very easy to drown in a sea of shoulds without even realizing it was the weight of your own inner critic that made your boat unseaworthy in storms.

I'm what you'd call "proactive." So sitting here on my hands, watching life slip by, and feeling useless and pathetic and unemployed-- it's hard on my self-esteem. And my inner critic is having a field day. I know I'm smart. I know I'm intelligent, too. (not the same thing, really)--
and I know I have a lot to offer my future employers, and my future clients/patrons. I just don't know if I'll ever get the opportunity to prove it.

In the meantime, anybody have suggestions for good places 'round here'bouts to advertise my availability as a life coach and tarot reader? 'Cause, man, I could use some positive personal reinforcement in my personal abilities and in my pocket book. I don't even want to curl up and hide from the world anymore-- I want to go out and stranghle it. Or at least go out and prove that all the hard work I've put into turning my life around and starting over and getting my MLS and overcoming all those damn obstacles in the last three years-- was WORTH THE EFFORT, dammit!

And so I say again--
Meh.