Crazy Aunt Purl Lives!!!

Okay, so this is post 104... Life happened again, what can I say?

Here, finally, are some photos and a short clip (don't worry, Laurie-- no incriminating evidence here!) from Laurie's recent book signing. Can I just tell you that I felt SO WRONG at this event because I didn't bring anything creative to do with yarn while we waited for things to get going?! Everybody knitted. Everybody. See those empty chairs? One of them is mine, and the others were soon filled with more women. Knitting.

Here is Laurie, answering a question about her back yard Zucchini Monster. We all laughed WAY more than you're imagining we did. She is even funnier in person than on her blog. Probably because there is no edit button in a public speaking event. Whoopsy! On the up side, it is amazing how at-home you can feel in such a public place, when you know that everyone there likes yarn and cats, too, and hey-- they're probably also divorced-- just like you.

I even took a very short video of her toward the beginning of the reading, when she was still settling in. SLM, this is for you. Thank you for forcing me to go in your place. THANK YOU!!

Pumpkin Party, Martha Stewart Style

It's almost Halloween. A time when the veil between the worlds gets thin, and Mystery is in the air. So is some fresh cold air, red and brown and yellow leaves, and lots of laughter.

Went to a pumpkin carving party at a friend's last night. Had a blast. It's the first time in several years that I've carved a pumpkin, and it turned out pretty cool. See?

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Mine is, of course, the cat.

It was a fun and creative time, full of sharp pointy things and LOTS of pumpkin seeds.
Some crazy fool even tried to carve a Butternut Squash! Luckily, L had an apple corer with no slicing arms on it, so S eventually used that to get the squash meat out of the middle. Apparently, he has plans to set it on fire later this week. That's why the squash looks so scared. Foreshadowing. In the end, it turned out pretty well, as did the ghost dog on the right. What's creativity without a little extra effort anyway?

I tell you, every time I go to L's house, I learn something new about being a hostess. We've actually started teasing her about being a bit like Martha Stewart. This time, she made pumpkin pancakes, with applesauce (made from scratch, thank you) to go on top. She unobtrusively marketed her friends' (and her own) saleable skills, made everyone feel welcome, and enabled a few new friendships to form. I was even able to catch up with people I used to know, and share a little of my hard-won perspective on starting over after a difficult relationship with someone who appreciated the insight. Wow.

I tell you, Martha Stewart is just lucky that L has a day job!

The Ex Factor

It confounds me just how many different ways there are for one person to fugck with another. While still saying things like "just because we're divorced doesn't mean we can't be friends and have a civil relationship," and "I don't think we need legal paperwork for that-- I trust you."

Yeah, the legal paperwork was for ME, you dolt! And I still haven't agreed to do it. Something he obviously didn't hear the first three or four times I said it. Which totally explains most of my marriage. The rest of my marriage can be explained by the fact that he thought $350 was enough money to bribe me into agreeing with his plan, no more information needed... And that even though THIS time I managed to walk away without (this used to be MY m-o) agreeing to anything, apologizing for anything, or getting angry over anything-- I still walked away feeling belittled, ungrateful, and confused about his true motives.

And I had this horrible urge to write him an email apologizing for representing my own interests in the conversation, and coaching him through his obvious confusion about what he's allowed to show concern for as a friend vs. a significant other. Because that is what I would have done while we were married. (He stopped mid-sentence to apologize for showing an interest in and concern for my well-being, and changed the subject. It's the only time I came into the conversation at all, and it was STILL all about him! Now that takes talent.) None of which I need or want to do, actually. No, ACTUALLY, I'm furious with myself-- and with him-- for having those desires in the first place.

Now, I've been doing a very good job of relinquishing responsibility for his well-being, and halting his continued attempts to mess with me. I've just been doing it slowly-- because I had to continue interacting with him for another six months regardless of my own desires. But this one interaction threw me back (temporarily) to where I was three years ago. Not cool.

I realized that by changing the rules on me, and making his little financial offer, he'd shaken my composure to such a degree that I had lost my footing and fallen into old (and familiar) habits. Thanks to my best friend's sage observations about truth in advertising, however, I'm no longer confused, rattled, or otherwise lost. I recognize just how far I HAVE advanced in my quest to be a healthy individual. (capital H, capital I) And I'm going to make my decision based on what's best for ME, with no remorse about representing my own interests, thank you very much.

Ahhh, yes-- the Ex factor.
After all-- I was married to it. (This is actually another one of those "We Know What That Means" quotes... but that is a story for another time.)