A snapshot of my day:
6am
Mrrrrt? ....Mrrrowwwrrr?
THUMP!
...Mrrrr?
6:45am
Something is staring at me. I can feel it, and it wakes me out of a dead and desperate last half-hour of sleep before the alarm goes off.
...oh. It's my cat. She wasn't sure if I was awake or asleep, so she came over to find out. Guess I'm awake now.
8:10am
Shgit! I turned off the alarm, and actually went back to sleep! With the cat!
9am
I call in to my internship to let them know I'm going to be late. This head cold is really slowing me down, and that extra hour of sleep didn't really help much. I can't call in to the library because it doesn't open until 10am. I email my supervisor. I take an expectorant because my ribs hurt from coughing, and this is supposed to help the coughs do their thing more easily.
10am
Yet another reason to demand truth in advertising. I have not stopped gut-wrenching coughing since I took the dagmn expectorant. I can't see straight to find my keys let alone drive to my internship. Guess I'll be later than I thought. (B-HH-HH-HH-CH-HH-*gasp .... cough-cough... BHHH-TOOOHHHH-HHHH-*gasp... blow nose, feel head pound, wait for next big coughing fit to-- BHH-TOOOHHHH-cough-HHHHH)... I think I just gave myself a nose bleed.
11am
Grab 2 skeins of yarn to return to store, along with receipt. Put cell phone in purse. Put on Volunteer Badge. Grab lunch leftovers. Grab warm coat. Grab list of Practicum Goals from start of semester. Grab cat as she slides out the door. Start driving to internship. Dog in road. Lean black dog with collar and mange. Dog looks both ways, crosses in front of me since I've stopped. Dog gets out of road, I drive on.
11:30am
I arrive at my internship. I finish up a few final projects for various librarians. I get some interview advice. I look over my original goals and see what really happened here...
12:30pm
I leave for another local library branch, where we are having our monthly Youth Services Meeting. I realize that I've forgotten my purse. At home.
3:30pm
My coughing is so bad again that I leave the meeting early. I decide to head home for cough medicine and my purse, and then jet back to the library for the last hour of my internship.
4:15pm
Traffic is bad, too. And there's another dog in the road. Same road. I stop for it. A dalmatian this time, also with a collar (but no mange). This dog is stupid, but nice. It trots down the road in front of me. It stays in my lane. It makes good time. I put on my blinkers and roll along behind it. Someone in a parking lot sees the dog. It's her dog. She comes across the road to get the dog. The dog lets itself get got. I start driving again, and I turn off my blinkers.
4:30pm
I'm not going to make it back for that last hour of my internship, I might as well stay home. (cough, hack, wheeze, moan) Oh, look. Here's my purse. Hanging from it's hook as usual. At home.
...Mrrow?
Wednesday, December 5
Monday, December 3
CatTail #347
There I was, sitting at the dining table, reading my favorite comic book and blowing my nose because I have the head cold for hell...
when suddenly, and very quietly, from the direction of the bathroom...
ka-thud.
It sounded strangely like a cupboard door closing. But it's just me and Abbigale tonight. Waiiiit....
My cat must be trying to get into the bathroom cupboard. Again. So I yell a reprimand, and watch the hallway for any nonchalantly emerging kitties. But nobody appears. Sometimes she waits until I actually head toward her to stop whatever it is she KNOWS she isn't supposed to be doing... so I get up from the table.
No dice.
I went down the hall and into the bathroom, stepping carefully in case any guilty kitties tried to flee the crime scene, as they've been known to do. The bathroom was empty. Silent and empty. (Insert shark music here.) So, not being one to give up easily, I opened the first cupboard door I came to. And out popped a kitty. Pmmrrowt? A kitty who had obviously been trying to open the hinged side of the cupboard door for some time with no great success, but was too proud to meow for help.
I really hadn't thought there was ROOM on that particular shelf for a cat, but hey-- I've been wrong before. And she didn't actually knock anything over while she was in there. Actually, I used to barricade that cupboard doors shut with a half-gallon of vinegar, but people kept stubbing their toes and looking at me like I was crazy when they went into the bathroom... They obviously don't know about Abbigale the Intrepid Explorer. But I do. I have photographic evidence of her earlier excavations under the living room rug. And a permanent record of her fangs in the soft wax of a tapered candle that once got in her way. I've occasionally woken to the sound of wind chimes. Inside the house. And thus been called to duty as refiller of dangerously low cat food bowls at 4am-- more than once. So I know that just because I couldn't immediately see evidence of a crime didn't mean one hadn't been perpetrated. Oh no.
A ka-thud in this household, however quiet, is worth a thorough investigation, and probably a good laugh. If it isn't 4am. At 4am, it's only worth throwing a shoe in that general direction and hoping the covers are still warm when you get back under them.
I love my cat. Mostly.
when suddenly, and very quietly, from the direction of the bathroom...
ka-thud.
It sounded strangely like a cupboard door closing. But it's just me and Abbigale tonight. Waiiiit....
My cat must be trying to get into the bathroom cupboard. Again. So I yell a reprimand, and watch the hallway for any nonchalantly emerging kitties. But nobody appears. Sometimes she waits until I actually head toward her to stop whatever it is she KNOWS she isn't supposed to be doing... so I get up from the table.
No dice.
I went down the hall and into the bathroom, stepping carefully in case any guilty kitties tried to flee the crime scene, as they've been known to do. The bathroom was empty. Silent and empty. (Insert shark music here.) So, not being one to give up easily, I opened the first cupboard door I came to. And out popped a kitty. Pmmrrowt? A kitty who had obviously been trying to open the hinged side of the cupboard door for some time with no great success, but was too proud to meow for help.
I really hadn't thought there was ROOM on that particular shelf for a cat, but hey-- I've been wrong before. And she didn't actually knock anything over while she was in there. Actually, I used to barricade that cupboard doors shut with a half-gallon of vinegar, but people kept stubbing their toes and looking at me like I was crazy when they went into the bathroom... They obviously don't know about Abbigale the Intrepid Explorer. But I do. I have photographic evidence of her earlier excavations under the living room rug. And a permanent record of her fangs in the soft wax of a tapered candle that once got in her way. I've occasionally woken to the sound of wind chimes. Inside the house. And thus been called to duty as refiller of dangerously low cat food bowls at 4am-- more than once. So I know that just because I couldn't immediately see evidence of a crime didn't mean one hadn't been perpetrated. Oh no.
A ka-thud in this household, however quiet, is worth a thorough investigation, and probably a good laugh. If it isn't 4am. At 4am, it's only worth throwing a shoe in that general direction and hoping the covers are still warm when you get back under them.
I love my cat. Mostly.
The Phonebook Incident
So... One of my best friends is getting married soon, and we just had her bachelorette party. Excellent naughty cupcakes, let me tell you! Made me think back to some of the events surrounding my own wedding (back before the divorce and all)... Things that were crazy-making at the time, but are just so FUNNY now that so much time has passed!
Like when they forgot to deliver the wedding cake on the morning of, or when all the guys in the wedding party got drunk and shaved their heads the night before, or those hikers who got locked out of their car and wanted to make that phone call in the middle of the ceremony... Or the pie-eating incident...
The one that really made me laugh, though, was the memory of my leg waxing. Now, normally, a leg-wax is more of a scream than a laugh, but this was different. Well, not that different. I think there was actually a lot of screaming going on at the time. You see-- my mom made the appointment for me about two weeks before I got into town-- and didn't write it down anywhere. So there we were-- me and three frantic bride's maids-- trying to jog my mom's erstwhile memory, hunting for clues about who she might have called for my leg wax, and hoping I wasn't already late. I think we called two or three places in town and asked if they had an appointment for me on their books before I found the pencil dot next to one in particular in the phonebook she'd used.
That may have been the most stressful fifteen minutes of the whole weekend. Thank goodness she had remembered the time wrong, too! Man, is that a funny memory now. Adventures with mom. I tell you, there is nothing like laughing at old and now irrelevant memories to remind me how good it is to be single ... and independent.
... and how lucky I am to have such good friends to laugh and remember with...
Babe, I'm wishing you a beautiful wedding, to go with your beautiful relationship. One full of happy calm moments, and free from all those unexpected memories that are only funny a few years after the fact. Love you both.
oh, and by the way, thank you all for NOT telling me those stories until after the wedding was over and the guests had gone home. I'm not sure I could have handled the pressure as well as you all did, under the circumstances.
Like when they forgot to deliver the wedding cake on the morning of, or when all the guys in the wedding party got drunk and shaved their heads the night before, or those hikers who got locked out of their car and wanted to make that phone call in the middle of the ceremony... Or the pie-eating incident...
The one that really made me laugh, though, was the memory of my leg waxing. Now, normally, a leg-wax is more of a scream than a laugh, but this was different. Well, not that different. I think there was actually a lot of screaming going on at the time. You see-- my mom made the appointment for me about two weeks before I got into town-- and didn't write it down anywhere. So there we were-- me and three frantic bride's maids-- trying to jog my mom's erstwhile memory, hunting for clues about who she might have called for my leg wax, and hoping I wasn't already late. I think we called two or three places in town and asked if they had an appointment for me on their books before I found the pencil dot next to one in particular in the phonebook she'd used.
That may have been the most stressful fifteen minutes of the whole weekend. Thank goodness she had remembered the time wrong, too! Man, is that a funny memory now. Adventures with mom. I tell you, there is nothing like laughing at old and now irrelevant memories to remind me how good it is to be single ... and independent.
... and how lucky I am to have such good friends to laugh and remember with...
Babe, I'm wishing you a beautiful wedding, to go with your beautiful relationship. One full of happy calm moments, and free from all those unexpected memories that are only funny a few years after the fact. Love you both.
oh, and by the way, thank you all for NOT telling me those stories until after the wedding was over and the guests had gone home. I'm not sure I could have handled the pressure as well as you all did, under the circumstances.
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