TTYL

I got a call from my mom yesterday, a little after 4pm. She and some other favorite family of mine were planning to meet for dinner at 6-- in a restaurant about an hour's drive away. Could I make it?

It turns out that doing my dirty stinky dishes wasn't as important as visiting with my folks after their trip to Michigan for my cousin's wedding-- and getting to see my aunt who is slowly dying from breagst cancer in her bones, and her husband, my favorite uncle. So I went. And it was really good to be there. But it was also strange. It seems that spring is the season of divorce. Between them, they knew of at least five couples going through separation and/or divorce just now. I added another to the list. And they treated me like an equal when I talked to them about realizing that there's this pattern that many of us seem to follow in a divorce: We immediately get struck with this need to date-- to prove that we're desirable and that we're wanted. We'll date just about ANYBODY in this phase of things, if they show an interest.

And, strangely, we often go out with people who are very similar to the one we just divorced. At this stage, we either seem to get so stuck on the need to have SOMEBODY in our lives that we get married again-- to someone just as bad for us-- or we realize that we DON'T want to end up with the same old problems in yet another new relationship. And we withdraw from dating for a while-- until we can figure out who we are when we stand by ourselves, and where we actually stand. Figure out what about ME needs to change before I try to be an us again, and set some damn high standards for the next person I allow into my life on such an intimate level. Realize that if someone who meets or exceeds those standards doesn't come along, I'd be happier alone.

It felt like a warm hug that my family could understand, and respect that awareness-- and maybe worry less about my not dating yet. Even after two years of being divorced. I just haven't met anyone that seemed worth the effort yet. And I won't accept the kind of unhealthy unhappy unequal relationship I had before-- not now. Not ever. (Knock on wood.)

And it was nice to stand around talking with everyone in the parking lot after dinner. My uncle hadn't seen my new car (post-accident in December) yet, and really liked what he saw. My mom and dad enjoyed hearing about my booth at the Spring Fair (Pagan Faire) last month, and telling me how they laughed about my blog post (I write for a library magazine) that explained my revelation that "I am not Cinderella." And we had a good talk about how life is supposed to be hard, and it's that way for everyone. How it does take a while to get established on your own, and how nice it is to have family there with you while you take those first steps into the real world. Or even your fifth or sixth step.

For all my complaints, I do love my family. It was nice to have some special time with them last night. Now, I just have to find the will-power to do my dishes on this warm sunny morning, when all I really want to do is go for a hike and read brain-candy books on the back porch!