Feeling Green

So I'm in this totally AWESOME Journaling Group that meets once a month. It's an all-women group, and we talk (and write) about self-knowledge, wisdom, intuition and-- this year-- ourselves in relation to each of the seven chakras.

This month, we are focusing on Fourth Chakra. Heart Chakra. It's green, and gold. Here are some of the things that this particular embodied energy focal point is about:
generosity, transformation, balance, awareness of universal consciousness, wealth, imagination, determination, will power, the heart and upper back, circulatory system and immune system

It is the element of Air, and the sense of Touch. It is the heart of emotional healing, personal evolution, and clear vision. The Heart Chakra is the center of the chakra system in that it connects the three higher and the three lower chakras. Through this chakra, we learn to get in touch with our core being and our inner truth. It is the balance point of the higher self and how we manifest that self here in the mundane world. "As Above, So Below." (Some of this is quoted from VJ's notes for our group. Thanks VJ!)

And after writing and thinking about this for a bit, I had the realization that WEALTH and DOLLARS are a part of that healing Green Energy of the Fourth Chakra. Who Knew?? And that when I do finally dig myself out of debt and have money to spare, my heart's desire is to buy land and create spiritual and physical sanctuary on it, using (guess what!) Green Building techniques, and Green Energy sources-- in a more mundane sense of the words. To create a place of healing. So in a fairly direct way, me receiving money (which just happens to be green in our culture) allows me to give healing in bigger and better ways, the more money I receive. It allows me to magnify the amount of green heart-healing energy I give back to the world. Through my very use of money, it becomes a green energy in and of itself.

I know-- it's crazy.

For someone who actually has felt rather dirty about accepting money to heal people and be their Life Coach in an eternal Wise Woman sort of way... this was a real revelation. I heal emotional issues for my clients-- and I do it through the chakra energy of my heart. Green Energy.

And suddenly, I'm coming to terms with the reality that if I DON'T get paid in money what my healing energy is worth, I won't have the basic building blocks (food, clothing, shelter, freedom from debilitating debts) that I need if I want to stay energized and capable of helping others to heal. I've had this block against earning money for what I just naturally do. Money is not natural. I knew the block was there, but I didn't seem able to budge it. And this week, my Journaling Group changed all that.

So I thought I'd share. I'm really thrilled, actually. I finally understand ENERGETICALLY how important the money piece is to the whole healing circle of green energy in today's world. I'm finally making peace with the role money plays in my life. I'm learning not to resent my need for money. If I'm lucky, this might even make it easier for me to draw money-- and opportunities to earn money-- into my life path.

And now that I'm beyond the shock and awe of having that particular personal block to a healthy relationship with money just ...disintegrate... I'm starting to realize how unhealthy our whole nation's relationship with money is right now. I mean, here are some signs of a blocked Heart Chakra:
Feelings of jealousy, indifference, loneliness. Becoming needy, grabby, or demanding. Asking others for love and fulfillment, rather than looking within for self-love and self-fulfillment. Fear, despair, hate, longing. Pretending we don't need other people. Pretending we can cope with everything the world and life throws at us-- all by ourselves, alone.

And I thought, what a perfect description of the relationship I have had (and I think most of us have in this flailing economy) with money. It's amazing what a perfectly nice person will do to someone else, even someone they love, once money enters the picture. For myself, I've been jealous of those who have money. I've felt desperate to get or earn money. I often looked to others and their ways of earning and spending, instead of focusing on the relationship *I* want to build with money, and the strengths and abilities I want to use to earn it.

I have spent the last five years in a constant state of financial fear. I have hated my dependence on money, and yet I longed to have more of it. I have pretended all was well, in my financial world, while quickly falling into debt and despair. And I have insisted that I shouldn't need money-- or help with my budget and/or cash flow-- to get by. I have bought into the myth that talking about money, and my relationship to it, is shameful.

I've been very unhealthy and wrong and just BLOCKED, without even knowing HOW I was blocked and unhealthy. All I knew was that I had to find some way to unblock if I wanted to actually be able to have money come into my life (ie: income), rather than always watching it leave. And now, I'm excited to understand that money doesn't have to be evil. I begin to feel GOOD about my potential to earn large quantities of it. Because I spend large quantities of energy doing good work for other people (and therefore for myself) and for the Earth.

It is fair and reasonable that I be recompensed in a format that enables me to keep doing what I do-- only better. I'm excited to learn how much MORE I can do as a healer now that I've finally unblocked my Heart Chakra. And I'm curious to see the effects of finally allowing my definitions of "Abundance" and "Wealth" to include financial well-being, and an abundance of income. My definitions remain very broad-- but I realize now that it's okay to wish for not only an abundance of good friends, good food, good health, and good experiences-- but also to look for a good income as a vital part of truly Abundant Living. Wish me well-- it's turning out to be quite a journey.

T is for Timid

Haleleujia Brother! I am here to comfort the sinner, and return the stray man to the Pope. Let him whose...

ever see the movie "Cat Balou" ... a lot? It was one of my favorites for about six months there somewhere in the dank depths of my pre-teen weirdness. I don't know if it explains something, or makes me even scarier... but it's TRUE.

And today, I am here to tell you that it is HARD. HARD. HARD to communicate to people in the office without stepping on landmines of the shitastrophic variety. Land mines. In the office. Hidden. Evil. ...or, to quote an office-mate of mine who happened to be talking about the way my email made her feel about our relationship... Icky.

Yes. I made the mistake of letting her know that I was getting frustrated after her sixth attempt to reschedule me to a new time and/or date for an appointment. Even spread out over the two appointments we tried to set, that's pushing it. But she didn't ask for feedback, or maybe the moon is in Saturn again, or maybe she'd just been told the same thing by a REAL client, and not just the upstart new office-mate who was doing a trade-- my services for hers-- and it rubbed her the wrong way.

Sigh. I decided that rather than jeopardize my comfort (and everyone else's) while working in the office we all share, I'd take full responsibility for our "miscommunication" and apologize.
A lot.

I think she has forgiven me, and decided to move magnanimously forward without holding any bad feelings for how I insulted her. I am grateful, Yogisan. I am also going to write scathing criticisms of the Icky in the Office Communication Network on my private blog-- because it makes me feel a little bit better about things.

Sad, but True. Just like my pre-teen fascination with corny Westerns with wimpy female leads.

Spaminatious & Palincomparison

So I don't know how, but McKain't got ahold of my small business email address. In the month since that horrible horrible event, his campaign (all three email addresses of it) has sent me on average 5 pieces of spam a week. It sux.

Now, today, he seems to have also found a second of my business-related email addresses. And the email I received was titled, "Dear Campaign Supporter." This man is so lost, I seriously think he could find his dick with both hands and a flashlight, but only if somebody paid him to do it. Let's not even get into his sidekick, Palincomparison.

Instead, I'd like to say how much I appreciate the goals and intent that Mr. Obama has highlighted repeatedly throughout his campaign, and the fact that he has NOT sent out spam, has NOT lied, and has actually shown an amazingly high level of moral and personal integrity, social awareness, and intelligence-- for a politician. I really appreciate that man, and many of the things he stands for.

Mostly, I just want America to stop losing individual civil rights, start using wind and solar energy and natural gas as our top three sources for powering cars, and providing homes and businesses with energy. I'd like to see a minimum of 25 mpg for all vehicles on the road by 2010. I'd like a reward program in place to assist folks who make less than $50,000 a year to switch to an electric-powered vehicle. I'd like the vehicles driven (and available for sale) in America to get an average (an AVERAGE) of 50mpg by 2012. And I'd like America to reinvest in education. Both by emphasizing quality and skills and experience over test scores, and by returning to a system that allows people with low incomes to actually AFFORD COLLEGE so they can gain increased skills, and still pay rent. I'd also like to change-up the tax system, so that the only people who pay taxes (or social security, since I doubt I'll ever get any of it) are those whose TAKE-HOME-PAY is over $40,000 a year. And anybody who makes over $1 mil a year should be in the REAL tax brackets for folks who pay up on what the rest of us really can't afford to lose out of our meager incomes. Really now.

Also, while we're on the subject, I'd like to make Yoga and afternoon naps mandatory for everyone over the age of twelve. I'd also like to see a certain withering shrub get implumbed... but hey-- dreams are cheep, and not much else is anymore. Anyway, I'm kinda hoping that I get taken of those dagmn spaminatious political email lists sooner than later. Like-- I don't want to have to wait for November to have the stupidity end. It really makes me ill to see one sitting in my inbox. Every day.

Interdisciplinarity vs Geraldine Ferraro

So I just happened to check in with one of my favorite blogs-- feministing.com
And discovered this lovely commentary (way at the bottom, I had a lot to say first, whoops) that is technically about Geraldine Ferraro, but really discusses the (more important) growing divide between 2nd wave and 3rd wave feminists.

Nowhere is this divide more evident than in the political debates of non-runners about this year's two most exciting candidates for President. Old-school feminists (ie: 2nd wavers) support HC simply because she is a woman. And I understand the point. They've been forced to act on one-party politics for a long time-- just to be taken seriously in politics at all. They've had to focus their clout very specifically for it to be enough force to enact changes. Important changes. But the latest wave of feminists (ie: 3rd wavers-- may there be many more waves to come, and may my cat's snores not wake the neighbors)... we see things a little differently. It's a bit of a one-world approach. And you can see it beginning to take root in the offerings of many small liberal arts colleges around the country.

You see, we have an interdisciplinary approach. We understand that it isn't just about being female. It's about being black and poor, or female and muslim, or any number of other intersecting (and now interdisciplinary) realities that we AS PEOPLE face every day. We are proud of who we are, and often of where we came from as well. But not everyone sees it that way. What we DO see is that if all underprivileged groups work together in support of a better world for all of us, we'll all win. Not just the women who choose to define themselves (and vote) exclusively by the shape of their genitals. In fact, while respecting greatly the progress and fights and sacrifices that many women before us have made to get us this far... I personally find it every bit as limiting (now) to define myself by my perceived gender as to be defined by it. So I don't. I see that I am a young healthy white woman from a poor farming town with two parents, etc etc etc. All those things intersect to define my personal challenges and my privileges.

I have been privileged to hear many intelligent and self-aware speakers on the subject of race, and how it intersects with other challenges and privileges. One of these speakers explained to me that if we continue to ignore difference (like skin color), we are sending a message to those whose individuality we ignore that these parts of them don't count, or aren't valued. Their cultural background, their family struggles, their special abilities and evident skills... Rather, to be truly anti-racism (or classism or any other ism you think of), we must EMBRACE DIFFERENCE, and find connection in our very uniqueness. We must find ways to bridge the gaps and become a community, without losing the gifts that difference brings. No community could survive by itself if everyone in it were a bricklayer. Who'd bake the bread?

And so I have pasted a small piece of the latest bit of intelligence (I don't always agree, but the site does always make me think about what I think, and why) from feministing.com:

Geraldine Ferraro

Geraldine Ferraro, Democratic politician and champion of reproductive choice, said the following to The Daily Breeze in Torrance, California: If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color), he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept. It strikes me as more fodder for Jessica's awesome argument in The Nation--namely that some older feminist's insistence on making divisive, black vs. white arguments around the presidential election is indicative of a larger intergenerational trend in the women's movement. Younger women want to speak, breathe, and live intersectional feminism--the idea that social change emerges at the crossroads of race, class, gender, sexuality, ability etc. Some older women are stuck in a second-wave conception of feminism as wholly focused on gender and championing women no matter what the context or complexities. We see this divide showing up in women's organizations. We see this divide showing up in media coverage. And we see this divide showing up in the interpersonal, every day struggles between feminists of different generations who want to see one another and do good work together. So I ask you: What do you think?

Still Fighting for Equality

So... nobody tells men under what circumstances they can use viagra, pay for sex, make family decisions, career decisions, etc... People assume that most of the time, men make the best decisions they can for themselves in any given situation.

But with women, it's a bit different. People often seem to think that a woman, given the choice, would not make such great decisions for herself. That she might panic or do something rash and stupid just for money or take advantage of services offered to help people in bad situations. (Take advantage as in "use inappropriately," not as in "these services are HERE FOR PEOPLE IN HER SITUATION.")

... Take Roe v. Wade, for example. Women had to go to court-- repeatedly-- to get the right to decide if it is a good personal choice for them to have a baby or not. And to get appropriate medical help, legally. And even today, that right to decide for herself is being eroded and contended. Many people believe that a woman is not equally important as a child or a man, not equally as capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation, and that she shouldn't have the right to make her own choices about her life path. That somehow, her life can be sacrificed for others' desires.

And often, the best decision a woman makes is that she will keep her baby. And that's great. It should be her right to make that decision as much as any other. But if she knows the baby will grow up in squalor, without love, without food or clothes or a safe place to sleep or be born addicted to drugs... If she knows the best thing she can do for herself and her pregnancy is to not become responsible for another person... she should have the right to make that decision, too. It's her body, it's her responsibility, it's her choice. And I, for one, generally believe that a woman is wonderfully capable of making the best decisions she can for herself in any given situation.

Today just happens to be the day that Roe v. Wade was decided. So, believing in the Goddess and believing that women are intelligent, capable, wise and wonderful-- I celebrate the few victories we women have, where someone in power actually agreed with me, and gave her the right to choose what she does with her own body.