SHHHHH

So I'm reading this book called "Stupid History," and I'm actually enjoying it. Partly, this is because all these weird bits of history that we all remember (like Paul Revere's ride to warn everyone that the British were coming)... is, according to this author guy-- and I did find the book in the nonfiction section of the library-- FALSE!!! There were, apparently, THREE men who rode out to warn everyone that the troops were coming along behind-- but those pesky Brits caught up with them. One man fled back home. One (Revere) got captured and thrown in jail overnight, without ever reporting anything to anyone, and the third man is the guy who actually did get away and ride through the town of Concord, I think it was, and yell warning. For whatever good it did everybody anyway.

The other reason I'm enjoying the book is that each story is about half a page long. And that is about all the attention span I have at the moment. Because, for the last two nights, my house mate has been out of town, and the natives have, as they say, been restless. First, Bubba clawed a hole in the new bag of cat food. Then, they all took turns hissing about who was allowed to be in the bedroom with me and who wasn't. A furry belly slinked past the top of my head at one point in the night, and I heard lots of loud cat-thumping sometime after 4am.

Cat-Thumping, by the way, is what happens when your cat suddenly gets that wild look in her eye, glares at a point up and to the left of your head, and then starts running like an insane and possessed beast up, down, around, across, back, over, around again, up, down, PAUSE... and then careens off to hide under the bed or go lick her butt in the kitchen or something. And while the cat does all this crazy running, her little 11 lbs of fuzz and claws makes about as much noise as a 200 lb man with army boots on-- only faster. Cat-thumping.

So, anyway, I'm a little tired tonight. I'm also prepared. First, I'm going to put Abbigale in the bedroom. Then, I'm going to lavish attention on the little grey monsters until they refuse to be in the same room with me anymore. Then I'm going to brush my teeth, and go to bed. I've also re-potted the cat food and cat treats from their flimsy plastic bags to specially purchased vacuum sealed heavy-duty glass containers. Even tho the containers are see-through, Bubba has walked by them TWICE now, trying to locate the food bag.

HAH! I leer in his general direction!!! And, hopefully, I also get some healthy sleep tonight. I'm really tired. Really.

Why Certainly?

p.s. CatMan proved yet again what a really quality person he is. We had our honest communication about my realization that I'd really like to be his friend... but I don't want to date him. And he was great about it. Really.

The Beginning:
Every once in a while, I get this feeling of certainty. I know that I just need to go here or do this-- and I'll get a very specific and much-desired result. I had that feeling when I decided to buy a CR-V about five years ago. I told my dad we just needed to go to this one town about 45 minutes away, and I'd like to stop in at XYZ Honda. At his insistence, I looked up other Honda dealers in town, and called all over the more local area in search of something good. Finally, dragging his feet and reeking of disbelief, he got into my "trade vehicle" and I drove us down to the XYZ Honda dealership. There were only two parking places in the lot-- and I chose the one next to the blue CR-V. It was for sale. On special. It was about a year old. It was perfect. And I got a really great deal on it. I had no doubts. This was the vehicle I was going to get, and I was going to get it on my terms. That's one example.

I haven't had this feeling often, but often enough to recognize it. An unshakable certainty-- a strength of purpose in my gut and my heart. The feeling has been building over the past day or two. Something good is coming. And I know the job I'm planning to get is right around the corner. What I don't know is if it's one I've already applied for, or one I just saw and need to apply for NOW, or one I'll find in the next few days. Usually, my path is a little clearer than this... or at least, I keep putting one steady foot in front of the other, and I arrive at the right place at the right time.

So that's what I'm going to do. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I'm going to grab my opportunity with both hands, and awe my interview team with my strength of purpose, calm intelligence, friendly accessibility, and most of all-- they'll realize that I've got a lot more to offer than what they see on paper. I'm a good person to have on your team, and I'll grow into and enhance beyond expectation any position I'm invited to accept. It's coming. I can feel it.

... I'm reminded of that old song "I WAAAANT you to want me. I NEEED you to need me! I'd Loooove you to love me..." Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find a cat-claw-proof container for the new bag of cat food I just bought. Bubba has already made a hole in the bag, and keeps trying to come back for more. The bottom of the bag. The bag that is supposed to keep the cat food fresh, and the smell inside. The one I bought this morning, and haven't opened yet. THAT bag.

Hard to Say, Really

Well, I had a grand tour of CatMan's home last night. And realized that while I appreciate his passion for old stuff because I like and respect him... I wouldn't want to live with all the old stuff he has collected.

So once I got home last night, and again when I got up this morning, I've been trying to figure out the most honest, respectful (to me and to him), and compassionate way that I can let him know I've enjoyed getting to know him, and I respect him greatly, but I don't want to date him. I'd love to have him as a good friend, instead.

(Can you tell I've been thinking this through for a while now?) For all that it needs to be said, I know from the long email he sent me this morning that he's really enjoying our (still non-physical) relationship... It's going to be really hard to tell him that his path is not the one I want to walk.