Spent two hours on a Migrant Farm handing out free children's books (mostly written in Spanish) and trying to understand Spanish as it was spoken today. Had to thank my ex for taking every opportunity to speak Spanish to other Spanish speakers-- I'm actually practiced at trying to understand a full-speed conversation from the few words I can recognize. And the more I listened, the more words I remembered (basic ones like Gracias and La Biblioteca and los libros-- books).
It was hot, dusty, and challenging, and I am TOTALLY EXHAUSTED. I can't imagine what it must be like for the farm workers-- most of whom do not speak any English-- to deal with these conditions-- including the lack of language skills-- every day! We went with a great group of dedicated people who brought free clothes and free food and ice cream for the kids. They offer to help people fill out forms, and they provide domestic violence intervention. The volunteers all speak Spanish, and all they want is to help their fellow people who are new to America to find her many opportunities.
I also realized that I'd been so nervous and scared about doing this because I viewed migrant workers as "those strange beings" who had nothing to do with me or my life. The thing is-- they are just normal people trying to get through their day. The clothes they wear are like ours because they are the clothes we outgrew or stopped liking and donated somewhere. These people we met with took great pride in their appearance, and many looked cleaner, and more slick than I did by a long-shot-- since I was hot, dusty, tired, and I just don't seem to control my hair very well at the best of times.
The teen aged girls had cliques and insider comments to make to each other. The little toddlers just wanted your full attention and as many books as they could hold. The parents and adult workers just wanted a little extra to put aside for hard times, or a special treat for their kids-- and free is a very good price. Just normal people.
And we didn't go to Tumbucktoo to see them, either. We went to the corner of two main streets-- where they meet about a mile from the center of town. It's the outskirts, but definitely not the boonies. There were still fences with lawns and shrubs on both sides of the street. And then we turned in to a gravel drive. There was a guard who had to approve our entry. He did this by glaring at us as we drove past, and then waving an arm at the parking area where we were supposed to set up our stuff.
So I'm glad I went. And I want to go again. But I also feel even more strongly about taking those Conversational Spanish classes as soon as I graduate. I have a lot to learn about my fellow wo/man. I think maybe we all do.
Wednesday, June 27
For Peace of Mind
I'm slowly, arduously striving toward a cleaner, simpler, healthier and less cluttered life. As part of my efforts, I started to think about those basic things that could be done to make life easier, less complicated, and more peaceful on a daily basis. Here's what I came up with, in no particular order. I laughed after I wrote the list, but I also think it's a good guide for me to check back with on occasion-- I'd like to be a high achiever in the "peace of mind" category, too.
THINGS TO DO FOR PEACE OF MIND:
THINGS TO DO FOR PEACE OF MIND:
- Yearly Credit Check
- Yearly Exam
- Back up the Hard Drive Again
- Weekly Self-Exam
- Laugh More (with friends is good)
- Get the oil changed and the wiper blades replaced sometimes
- Listen to good music on a good sound system
- Walk More, Gossip Less
- Keep your tax packets from past years together in one place
- Use a pop-up reminder program for birthdays
- Own 3 pairs of sunglasses
- Get your pet fixed
- Have comfey dining chairs
- Take a daily multivitamin that tastes good
- Buy Organic Foods
- Wake up 5 minutes earlier
- Get to know your neighbors
- Rent a Safety Deposit Box
- Floss
- Keep your favorite children's books handy
- Throw out the skinny jeans, the fat jeans, and the itchy designer sweaters (anything you are keeping out of guilt-- doesn't fit, cost a lot, a recent gift, what if, never wear it but...)
- Own a shredder
- Set up a savings account with auto deposit from your checking each month
- Collect Memories, not stuff
- Schedule Alone Time, Beach Rambles and Tea Breaks, Too
- Smile when they want to take your picture, even if you feel like a drowned rat
- Don't burn candles on plastic surfaces
- Change your pillow case more often than your sheets
- Switch to Frozen Yogurt
- Plan to sleep in sometimes
- Dream.
Sunday, June 24
The Good List
- Getting the internship I really wanted.
- With the Youth Services Librarian.
- Discovering I can wear jeans and sneekers to my internship.
- not caring if I spell sneakers wrong
- Fire-colored Sunflowers
- A big healthy medicinal Aloe plant for $3.95.
- Lighting a fresh candle.
- Hiking up and down a small mountain in the rain.
- Seeing all the places fairies could hide from the rain in the mountain.
- Having two friends crazy enough to hike with me.
- Reaching the top alive.
- Getting complimented on not complaining about the UP part of the hike (this time).
- Letting the dog pull me up the last few yards.
- French fries and hot chocolate after a long hike in the rain.
- Having three different people tell me I give good advice (in the space of three days), and meaning it.
- Finding a thank you card I can send to men and women in a professional setting, and still look interesting. In a pack of 20.
- Popcorn with butter and yeast.
- Tea. Hot tea. With Elderberries in it.
- Peanut Sauce.
- A fluffy warm (DRY) new sweatshirt that was on sale and still looks and feels good.
- Planning to go back tomorrow and by a second one in a different color.
- A purring cat in my lap, batting at my fingers on the keyboard.
- Birthdays. Other people's birthdays. And having people to celebrate mine with.
- Finding out that turning 30 isn't nearly as scary as turning 29. Really. Three people have told me so.
- Having lots of people help you move your boxes and stuff from one house to another. Enough people that no one gets too tired, and it only takes one afternoon.
- Waterfalls. Especially on rainy days when there aren't too many other people using the trail you've taken.
- TigerBars.
- A well-fitted understory.
- Actually looking forward to what my 29th year will bring.
Friday, June 22
School
I have three book reviews each module for my Children/YA Literature course this summermester. Page 25 of the current book is titled 3. School, with the clarification below that "If you haven't found out yet, school is not a perfect place."
The first rhyme in this section is as follows:
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream,
Throw your teacher overboard
And you will hear her scream.
I love my Child Lit class.
The first rhyme in this section is as follows:
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream,
Throw your teacher overboard
And you will hear her scream.
I love my Child Lit class.
Sunday, June 17
On Procrastination
I have this book... WHERE THE HECK IS IT??? ...well... I think it's called "Eliminating Chaos." It's a great book. It even has inspired me more than once to start pulling my act together and cleaning up my home. Except right now, it's buried in a pile somewhere and I can't find it. (boy do I feel silly)
Anyway, the point is that IN THIS BOOK, the author mentions another great book-- "It's About Time!" by Dr. Linda Sapadin. The book is basically a break down and treatment of the six styles of procrastination, according to Dr. Linda. (No, not Dr. Laura. Gods, no.) I usually find self-help books to be rather silly. Either too simplistic, too full of themselves, too lacking in actual helpful "here's how" information, or just dumb. But this is one self-help book that I'm planning to buy for most of the people I know. (Okay, probably not you. But other people.) And in the meantime, you get to hear all about the great discoveries I've made, and what I intend to do about them.
(Have I mentioned lately how much I love tea? Even more than the spell-checker. Really.)
Anyway, the book includes tests so you can figure out what your major form(s) of procrastination are, your minor form(s), and which ones might be good to read just on general principles. Dr. Linda says most people have one major form, and a couple of supporting procrastination styles. And if you score over 10 on a test-- that is the major one you need to pay attention to.
Uhh.... Dr. Linda? I scored over ten on ALL of them... can I go home now?
Anyway, then I started reading the three I scored highest in. And for the first one, I kept saying-- "That isn't me! I don't do that. Do I DO that? I don't do that." So then I decided maybe my test scores were a little off. Well, so with a much lighter frame of mind (Okay, I'm not a total failure, here.), I read the one I scored second-highest in.
Oh.
Yeah... That's Me.
I can now tell you with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that I am a perfectionist procrastinator. I'm sure you already knew that. But see-- I didn't. And for each of the two styles of procrastination I've read so far (means you'll probably get to read more blogs about this in the future)-- there are two sides to the coin.
So with the Perfectionist Procrastinator, you either are ALWAYS WORKING WAY TOO HARD to get everything perfect-- and may not turn things in at work (or school) on time because you are still busy adding things to it to make it PERFECT-- an impossible task that leaves you constantly stressed and worried and wanting to DO MORE and BE BETTER.
Or- you're like me.
You are so worried that you won't do it perfectly (whatever it is) that you find reasons not to do it at all-- or not to do it until your time is so short-- it's the perfect excuse for the final product to be imperfect-- and it's just NOT YOUR FAULT that it's not PERFECT LIKE YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE-- and you assume everyone else thinks it should be, too. Because if you'd just had more time, you'd have done it right. Whatever "right" is.
The best thing about this book-- other than helping me see the pattern of my behavior in a clear and unavoidable fashion-- is that it also offers simple things that I could actually DO to help each style of procrastinator overcome their habit. From now on, you'll hear me changing my "should" statements to "could" options. My "have to" shackles to "want to" intentions. And a few other things, too.
And if you talk to me at any length in the next few weeks, you'll probably get to hear something else I learned from this glorious self-help book about procrastination. Applied to you. Lucky you. I've still got four more styles to learn about, too! Oh- Abbigale says Hi. She is, as usual, helping me write thsi.
...by the way...
I'm not shooting for perfection anymore, either. I just want to be a high achiever. I think maybe I can do that. Without so much stress, and so little free time. And without feeling bad about myself and how little I actually achieve (or do perfectly) anymore. What a relief.
Anyway, the point is that IN THIS BOOK, the author mentions another great book-- "It's About Time!" by Dr. Linda Sapadin. The book is basically a break down and treatment of the six styles of procrastination, according to Dr. Linda. (No, not Dr. Laura. Gods, no.) I usually find self-help books to be rather silly. Either too simplistic, too full of themselves, too lacking in actual helpful "here's how" information, or just dumb. But this is one self-help book that I'm planning to buy for most of the people I know. (Okay, probably not you. But other people.) And in the meantime, you get to hear all about the great discoveries I've made, and what I intend to do about them.
(Have I mentioned lately how much I love tea? Even more than the spell-checker. Really.)
Anyway, the book includes tests so you can figure out what your major form(s) of procrastination are, your minor form(s), and which ones might be good to read just on general principles. Dr. Linda says most people have one major form, and a couple of supporting procrastination styles. And if you score over 10 on a test-- that is the major one you need to pay attention to.
Uhh.... Dr. Linda? I scored over ten on ALL of them... can I go home now?
Anyway, then I started reading the three I scored highest in. And for the first one, I kept saying-- "That isn't me! I don't do that. Do I DO that? I don't do that." So then I decided maybe my test scores were a little off. Well, so with a much lighter frame of mind (Okay, I'm not a total failure, here.), I read the one I scored second-highest in.
Oh.
Yeah... That's Me.
I can now tell you with ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that I am a perfectionist procrastinator. I'm sure you already knew that. But see-- I didn't. And for each of the two styles of procrastination I've read so far (means you'll probably get to read more blogs about this in the future)-- there are two sides to the coin.
So with the Perfectionist Procrastinator, you either are ALWAYS WORKING WAY TOO HARD to get everything perfect-- and may not turn things in at work (or school) on time because you are still busy adding things to it to make it PERFECT-- an impossible task that leaves you constantly stressed and worried and wanting to DO MORE and BE BETTER.
Or- you're like me.
You are so worried that you won't do it perfectly (whatever it is) that you find reasons not to do it at all-- or not to do it until your time is so short-- it's the perfect excuse for the final product to be imperfect-- and it's just NOT YOUR FAULT that it's not PERFECT LIKE YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE-- and you assume everyone else thinks it should be, too. Because if you'd just had more time, you'd have done it right. Whatever "right" is.
The best thing about this book-- other than helping me see the pattern of my behavior in a clear and unavoidable fashion-- is that it also offers simple things that I could actually DO to help each style of procrastinator overcome their habit. From now on, you'll hear me changing my "should" statements to "could" options. My "have to" shackles to "want to" intentions. And a few other things, too.
And if you talk to me at any length in the next few weeks, you'll probably get to hear something else I learned from this glorious self-help book about procrastination. Applied to you. Lucky you. I've still got four more styles to learn about, too! Oh- Abbigale says Hi. She is, as usual, helping me write thsi.
...by the way...
I'm not shooting for perfection anymore, either. I just want to be a high achiever. I think maybe I can do that. Without so much stress, and so little free time. And without feeling bad about myself and how little I actually achieve (or do perfectly) anymore. What a relief.
Remind Me...
Okay-- Today, I'm pretty burned out from working 2:30pm-11:30pm last night, plus the hour drive on each end. The driving is getting to me. I handled two 1-hour commutes a week (totalling 4 hours of driving), but adding the 1.5 hour commute each week (3 more hours) on top of that has really started to make my body ache. So I thought it'd be a very good time to come up with three beautiful things (or more if I can find them) from the past day or two-- and again for today.
Hmmm...
- I actually indulged in my access to cable TV where I work last night-- after 10pm-- HOORAY FOR HGTV! My first viewing in almost a year.
- Hit the farmer's market E showed me that is SO MUCH CLOSER to where I live than any of the others (that's good all by itself!)-- and found out the HOOD STRAWBERRIES will be around for at least another week. YAY!
- Discovering exactly which kind of procrastinator I am, and what to do about it. The hope of relief from my procrastination problem is very exciting. VERY.
Hmmm...
- I get to hit Kwan's with the folks tonight, and since I was headed through town anyway, it won't be adding any driving to my day to do it.
- I might actually remember to bring mom's birthday card AND a father's day card for dad with me, and can stop feeling guilty about not doing much for either one.
- The Ikea in Portland just posted that they'll open July 25th.
Wednesday, June 13
Gimme a D
Here we go-- second official 3BT blog! (three beautiful things-- check it out, browse the links, get happy)
- Bra Fittings at Nordstrom
- Fine-tip pens that don't smear
- Google Maps (I FOUND IT! I got there without getting lost!!! YAY!!!-- or is that #4?)
Turquoise Lace
So... remember how shocked I was last year, when Oprah changed my life? She did it again. With my suave and sophisticated (for our neck of the woods) friend, H's help. See-- H is the kind of professional woman who shops at Nordstrom. Not even the Rack-- at least, not often. And about a year ago, she had a bra fitting. It changed her life.
Since then, she's been encouraging L and I to have our lives changed, too. And yesterday, since it was the half-yearly sale at good old Nordy's and all... we went. And had a bra fitting. And yes- it changed my life. "Oh, you're a 32-- definitely not a 36. And you've underestimated your cup size by two cups. Here-- try this on. It fits, doesn't it? Yeah-- it looks good on, too. It's an Oprah."
Wow. There in the dressing room at Nordstrom, with a total stranger wearing about twice the legal limit in eyeshadow, Oprah changed my life. Again. I cannot tell you how much more confident I feel wearing an understory that FITS-- it holds up the right parts of my anatomy, and it doesn't pull down on my injured shoulder, and it looks all smooth under my summer T-Shirts, and ... wow. I never thought being this shallow could be this gratifying.
Of course, none of the five bras in my size AND on sale were anything I'd wear. Lime yellow. With sequins. Fire orange with no straps... hmm... Nope. So I paid full price for something that FITS. I don't know if it's the new cup size or the sticker shock, but I'm still reeling from the experience. And by the way-- if you wear an understory-- GET TO A NORDSTROM NEAR YOU, let the over-dressed (and very helpful) teenage expert put the oh-so-cold tape measure around your ribs-- and change your life forever.
Seriously.
...okay... why am I surprised that the spellchecker doesn't know the word "nordstrom?"
Since then, she's been encouraging L and I to have our lives changed, too. And yesterday, since it was the half-yearly sale at good old Nordy's and all... we went. And had a bra fitting. And yes- it changed my life. "Oh, you're a 32-- definitely not a 36. And you've underestimated your cup size by two cups. Here-- try this on. It fits, doesn't it? Yeah-- it looks good on, too. It's an Oprah."
Wow. There in the dressing room at Nordstrom, with a total stranger wearing about twice the legal limit in eyeshadow, Oprah changed my life. Again. I cannot tell you how much more confident I feel wearing an understory that FITS-- it holds up the right parts of my anatomy, and it doesn't pull down on my injured shoulder, and it looks all smooth under my summer T-Shirts, and ... wow. I never thought being this shallow could be this gratifying.
Of course, none of the five bras in my size AND on sale were anything I'd wear. Lime yellow. With sequins. Fire orange with no straps... hmm... Nope. So I paid full price for something that FITS. I don't know if it's the new cup size or the sticker shock, but I'm still reeling from the experience. And by the way-- if you wear an understory-- GET TO A NORDSTROM NEAR YOU, let the over-dressed (and very helpful) teenage expert put the oh-so-cold tape measure around your ribs-- and change your life forever.
Seriously.
...okay... why am I surprised that the spellchecker doesn't know the word "nordstrom?"
Tuesday, June 12
Pumpkins
I just found the most AWESOME set of blogs! The kick-off blog is called Three Beautiful Things, and it's author has started a revolution. The 3BT revolution. You will now see it as one of my labels on a regular basis. I love this idea. LOVE IT!
The other two spin-offs (much encouraged) of the original that I've found so far-- and love-- are called Simple Things, and Pumpkin Diary. I think H&J will especially appreciate the Pumpkin Diary, as it is a first-time father's account of his first child-- from conception to 2 years, so far.
The idea is that each blogger will start a blog section, new post, what have you in which they make a commitment to post three things that brought them joy or made them smile every day. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, PEOPLE! I love it. So-- in honor of this delicious find, here are my three things of the day:
-Three Beautiful Things
-Simple Things
-Pumpkin Diary
YAY!
The other two spin-offs (much encouraged) of the original that I've found so far-- and love-- are called Simple Things, and Pumpkin Diary. I think H&J will especially appreciate the Pumpkin Diary, as it is a first-time father's account of his first child-- from conception to 2 years, so far.
The idea is that each blogger will start a blog section, new post, what have you in which they make a commitment to post three things that brought them joy or made them smile every day. POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, PEOPLE! I love it. So-- in honor of this delicious find, here are my three things of the day:
-Three Beautiful Things
-Simple Things
-Pumpkin Diary
YAY!
Thursday, June 7
The Baby Has Oomph
So... Did you know that Mono is one of those illnesses that most people only get once-- and then they develop an immunity to it? Did you know that some people are carriers-- and that you are just as likely to catch Mono by going to the movies (or whatever) as by being in a room with someone who is sick with it? And that by the time you reach the age of 35, there is a 95% probability that you have already developed immunity to the illness, and therefore don't really run any big risks by being around someone with Mono.
Not only that, but it is called a "kissing disease" for good reason-- you have to ingest/inhale the spit droplets from someone kissing or sneezing or coughing on you to actually be EXPOSED to it in the first place. In my experience, I've been exposed to Mono. Repeatedly. And as my costar recently reminded me, our college was that kind of an academic environment where people succumbed to stress, got horribly sick, and still went to class out of fear of falling behind. So even without the wave of Mono that hit my high school Junior year, I've definitely been exposed.
With all that in mind... I'm currently taking care of a 2.5 year old boy with a very bad case of Mono. And his little sister, who (much to my surprise) is nearly ten months old already. He doesn't know how to cover his mouth when he coughs. He doesn't like these early nap-times we keep forcing him to take-- and is so stubborn that sometimes he WON'T SLEEP even though he is falling over when he walks because he's so tired. He also doesn't understand why (now that he's home from the hospital and obviously improving in health-- though he'll be contagious for something like six weeks or more) the world no longer revolves around his every whim. What-- no s'moors power bar for breakfast? What-- you are actually sending me to the time-out chair for whining repeatedly and taking a toy away from my little sister?? You haven't done that in WEEKS! ...sigh...
And yesterday... yesterday was the pivotal day when everyone finally got fed up with everything. That day when you've been under such stress for so long that now, finally, you can relax, and therefore the grumps hit. The WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT-- I JUST NEED SOME TIME OFF FROM EVERYTHING, DAMMIT part of the recovery process. And it hit the whole family at once. Even the baby.
Until yesterday, I never knew it was possible to get bigtched out by a baby. But yesterday was different. Yesterday, it happened a lot. And it was really funny-- when I remembered to take deep breaths, because I was so frustrated by her determination to have it all go HER WAY, BECAUSE SHE KNEW SHE DESERVED IT, AND SHE WAS GOING TO GET IT, DAMMIT! She would scrunch her little face up into a determined and grumpy prune, and just dare me not to help her get what she was going for at that moment (mostly, to be in my arms, playing with the toy her brother was holding). And if she didn't get what she felt was her due at that moment, she'd let loose the "come to jesus" scream. Even some big crocodile tears, and a discontented bounce or two. I tell you, that baby has OOMPH!
Already I can tell that her parents will have to invest in some serious therapy once she reaches teen-hood. Therapy for them. And I also think she'll be an awesome adult: strong, independent, determined. Just like her mom.
Not only that, but it is called a "kissing disease" for good reason-- you have to ingest/inhale the spit droplets from someone kissing or sneezing or coughing on you to actually be EXPOSED to it in the first place. In my experience, I've been exposed to Mono. Repeatedly. And as my costar recently reminded me, our college was that kind of an academic environment where people succumbed to stress, got horribly sick, and still went to class out of fear of falling behind. So even without the wave of Mono that hit my high school Junior year, I've definitely been exposed.
With all that in mind... I'm currently taking care of a 2.5 year old boy with a very bad case of Mono. And his little sister, who (much to my surprise) is nearly ten months old already. He doesn't know how to cover his mouth when he coughs. He doesn't like these early nap-times we keep forcing him to take-- and is so stubborn that sometimes he WON'T SLEEP even though he is falling over when he walks because he's so tired. He also doesn't understand why (now that he's home from the hospital and obviously improving in health-- though he'll be contagious for something like six weeks or more) the world no longer revolves around his every whim. What-- no s'moors power bar for breakfast? What-- you are actually sending me to the time-out chair for whining repeatedly and taking a toy away from my little sister?? You haven't done that in WEEKS! ...sigh...
And yesterday... yesterday was the pivotal day when everyone finally got fed up with everything. That day when you've been under such stress for so long that now, finally, you can relax, and therefore the grumps hit. The WHY DOES THIS HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT-- I JUST NEED SOME TIME OFF FROM EVERYTHING, DAMMIT part of the recovery process. And it hit the whole family at once. Even the baby.
Until yesterday, I never knew it was possible to get bigtched out by a baby. But yesterday was different. Yesterday, it happened a lot. And it was really funny-- when I remembered to take deep breaths, because I was so frustrated by her determination to have it all go HER WAY, BECAUSE SHE KNEW SHE DESERVED IT, AND SHE WAS GOING TO GET IT, DAMMIT! She would scrunch her little face up into a determined and grumpy prune, and just dare me not to help her get what she was going for at that moment (mostly, to be in my arms, playing with the toy her brother was holding). And if she didn't get what she felt was her due at that moment, she'd let loose the "come to jesus" scream. Even some big crocodile tears, and a discontented bounce or two. I tell you, that baby has OOMPH!
Already I can tell that her parents will have to invest in some serious therapy once she reaches teen-hood. Therapy for them. And I also think she'll be an awesome adult: strong, independent, determined. Just like her mom.
Sunday, June 3
Course Number 5603
Okay. Life is GOOD. I just got back from my local library (okay, from the big library in the sky that isn't so local but has a whole 50-foot room dedicated to children's books).
I was there borrowing books for my first few modules of class. Children's and Young Adult Literature. AKA LS 5603-20. Or, as the professor has titled it on the Blackboard program, "The Best Children's Lit Class EVER." So I just got to go to the library, and spend legitimate time in the Children's Library Section-- browsing children's books. I think I just died and went to heaven. Do you KNOW how much I love children's books??? I love them all the way to the moon, and back! (See Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney).
And then it hit me-- I get to do this EVERY THREE WEEKS or so for the whole summer!! I tell you, I haven't felt this level of excitement since before I went back to school.
...is that wrong?
I was there borrowing books for my first few modules of class. Children's and Young Adult Literature. AKA LS 5603-20. Or, as the professor has titled it on the Blackboard program, "The Best Children's Lit Class EVER." So I just got to go to the library, and spend legitimate time in the Children's Library Section-- browsing children's books. I think I just died and went to heaven. Do you KNOW how much I love children's books??? I love them all the way to the moon, and back! (See Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney).
And then it hit me-- I get to do this EVERY THREE WEEKS or so for the whole summer!! I tell you, I haven't felt this level of excitement since before I went back to school.
...is that wrong?
Saturday, June 2
About Dehydration
So... one of the many lessons I learned far away and long ago... was that I am infinitely more depressed when I am also dehydrated and lacking in sleep. Yes. I am now ready to take on the world again, and possibly even profess to being an actual ADULT... now that I've had more water to drink, a bit of exercise, and a good night's sleep. Yes.
I have to credit my friend, MB, with this revelation. She was a great font of wisdom about dealing with a divorce-- especially a long, painful divorce. Is there any other kind? She explained that for her, eating protein was the key to keeping a positive can-do outlook on the situation. Her mom was good about reminding her to eat more protein whenever she started to get gloomy or overwhelmed, and it helped. Her body needed what it needed to deal with the stress it was under-- and this ability to deal (or inability to deal) carried over to her psyche as well.
For me, it wasn't protein. It was water and sleep. I got through the first six months-- three of them waiting for the divorce to be final, and three figuring out how to be successfully divorced-- by drinking a LOT of water, and taking a LOT of naps. I highly recommend the naps, by the way. Low calorie, high fiber-- especially if you dream about food and end up eating your pillowcase-- and just generally restorative. IF you remember to drink a lot of water and/or turn on the A/C before you nap.
On the other hand, everything I said I was struggling with yesterday is STILL TRUE TODAY-- I just know I will persevere and overcome them now. And I've gleefully defenestrated my fears. Officially. Ceremonially. Repeatedly. The sliding glass door in the living room. It's the only one that opens.
On the more good news front, I met my new buddy E in east downtown today and after making friends with her really cute dog, we checked out a WHOLE NEW FARMER'S MARKET. Found garlic tops. mmmmmmm Found chard. Little chards. mmmmmm Found basil. doublemmmm Found hershey's kisses-shaped candles made of pure beeswax. Found we had a lot to talk and laugh and commiserate with each other about. Especially mothers and weird food combinations. Had a blast. Got a little dehydrated. Learned my lesson-- so I've been chugging water all afternoon to make up for it.
Plus Hood Strawberries. My favorite kind. I find I've degenerated into a highly evolved strawberry snob. Did that make ANY sense at ALL?? Hmmm... must be time to go eat more strawberries and ice cream... and drink some water. Maybe a nap...
I have to credit my friend, MB, with this revelation. She was a great font of wisdom about dealing with a divorce-- especially a long, painful divorce. Is there any other kind? She explained that for her, eating protein was the key to keeping a positive can-do outlook on the situation. Her mom was good about reminding her to eat more protein whenever she started to get gloomy or overwhelmed, and it helped. Her body needed what it needed to deal with the stress it was under-- and this ability to deal (or inability to deal) carried over to her psyche as well.
For me, it wasn't protein. It was water and sleep. I got through the first six months-- three of them waiting for the divorce to be final, and three figuring out how to be successfully divorced-- by drinking a LOT of water, and taking a LOT of naps. I highly recommend the naps, by the way. Low calorie, high fiber-- especially if you dream about food and end up eating your pillowcase-- and just generally restorative. IF you remember to drink a lot of water and/or turn on the A/C before you nap.
On the other hand, everything I said I was struggling with yesterday is STILL TRUE TODAY-- I just know I will persevere and overcome them now. And I've gleefully defenestrated my fears. Officially. Ceremonially. Repeatedly. The sliding glass door in the living room. It's the only one that opens.
On the more good news front, I met my new buddy E in east downtown today and after making friends with her really cute dog, we checked out a WHOLE NEW FARMER'S MARKET. Found garlic tops. mmmmmmm Found chard. Little chards. mmmmmm Found basil. doublemmmm Found hershey's kisses-shaped candles made of pure beeswax. Found we had a lot to talk and laugh and commiserate with each other about. Especially mothers and weird food combinations. Had a blast. Got a little dehydrated. Learned my lesson-- so I've been chugging water all afternoon to make up for it.
Plus Hood Strawberries. My favorite kind. I find I've degenerated into a highly evolved strawberry snob. Did that make ANY sense at ALL?? Hmmm... must be time to go eat more strawberries and ice cream... and drink some water. Maybe a nap...
Friday, June 1
Too Much
About responsibility...
There is such thing as too much. And... sometimes I wonder if I'm really ready to be an adult. I've been one for a long time now (by my standards)... and I often find myself letting important things go because I just can't seem to get to them. I still manage to watch my corny movies, though. What kind of prioritizing is THAT?
It just strikes me that there is a lot more to being an adult than one sometimes wants to admit. It is a lot easier to feel bad about your ability to prioritize than to acknowledge that you might be trying to do more than you can handle, and that you might still have some personal issues to work through before you reach your full productive capacity. I sure don't want that to be true-- I think I SHOULD be able to handle what I've committed myself to achieving at this point in my life. The evidence so far is against me, though.
For example, I've learned the hard way that I can't handle 3 online classes at the same time. I just can't keep the details of each classes' requirements and system set-up in my head for three classes in one semester. I actually dropped a class in the Fall last year because of this reality. Even knowing it, I still had to struggle through three classes last semester-- if I wanted to graduate this December, and not incur another $7,000 in debt for ANOTHER semester of school. Luckily, I can take the two classes at a time that I can actually handle for the last two semesters here. Plus work. Plus internships that I have to arrange and apply for ahead of time. Plus the final project stuff that doesn't count as a class, but takes about the same amount of time.
This semester's struggle with 3 classes cost me something. I'm actually on academic probation because it is unacceptable to receive a C grade in grad school, and I did. In my favorite class. Because I forgot that this particular professor didn't always put the full assignment information into the syllabus, and that we had instead to check the online turn-in location for additional instructions-- and remember to SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE LONG PAGE to be sure we had all the info on the assignment. So I turned in a 100-point assignment with only one of the three required sections completed. Because I only knew about the one section listed in the syllabus. Shigt. Otherwise, I might have had an A.
At the same time as I am working on an internship, planning my next internship, preparing my resume for the need to being applying for jobs, and expecting school to start up again Monday... I am trying to pursue my art. The thing I can lose myself doing because I love doing it so much. The thing I could soon be selling at a profit-- if I can find the time to finish some of my projects and market them to the folks who've already expressed interest.
Also, I have friends. I'd like to keep them. So I spend some time-- much-enjoyed and much-appreciated time-- with them. And I have an apartment to maintain, and food to buy and cook and eat, and a lot of emotional baggage to work through. Not the least of which is concerns that have arisen in the past while about the health and well-being of various close and much-loved family members. Oh, and did I mention that I work 20 hours a week? And have a side job writing intellectual blogs for an online magazine three times a week? (www.libraryjournal.com) And that I've got no financial aid for school because I'm on academic probation? No stress there, right?
It's just too much. And yet, there isn't really anything I can drop. Stop spending time with friends? Yeah- and go stark raving nuts in a matter of weeks. Stop working? And eat what-- toenails?
See, the thing is-- I signed up for all this. And I need to see it through. All of it. Because this is my future we're talking about. My ability to get a job that offers both satisfaction in my work, and some sort of health care and retirement benefits, while paying an actual living wage for a single income family. So while I'm working hard to keep a stiff upper lip that actually curves UP and not down, there are definitely many moments when I wonder what the hegll I'm doing wrong here, and if I'm really qualified to be an adult. I hope it gets easier, because I don't think I can take it getting any harder. Oh. I just remembered. It's the first of the month. My rent is due. Right.
Well, that's all the time I have to spend on feeling sorry for myself today. Check back another time for a cheery, humorous, and uplifting post. I'm about due to have one. Any time now. Really.
There is such thing as too much. And... sometimes I wonder if I'm really ready to be an adult. I've been one for a long time now (by my standards)... and I often find myself letting important things go because I just can't seem to get to them. I still manage to watch my corny movies, though. What kind of prioritizing is THAT?
It just strikes me that there is a lot more to being an adult than one sometimes wants to admit. It is a lot easier to feel bad about your ability to prioritize than to acknowledge that you might be trying to do more than you can handle, and that you might still have some personal issues to work through before you reach your full productive capacity. I sure don't want that to be true-- I think I SHOULD be able to handle what I've committed myself to achieving at this point in my life. The evidence so far is against me, though.
For example, I've learned the hard way that I can't handle 3 online classes at the same time. I just can't keep the details of each classes' requirements and system set-up in my head for three classes in one semester. I actually dropped a class in the Fall last year because of this reality. Even knowing it, I still had to struggle through three classes last semester-- if I wanted to graduate this December, and not incur another $7,000 in debt for ANOTHER semester of school. Luckily, I can take the two classes at a time that I can actually handle for the last two semesters here. Plus work. Plus internships that I have to arrange and apply for ahead of time. Plus the final project stuff that doesn't count as a class, but takes about the same amount of time.
This semester's struggle with 3 classes cost me something. I'm actually on academic probation because it is unacceptable to receive a C grade in grad school, and I did. In my favorite class. Because I forgot that this particular professor didn't always put the full assignment information into the syllabus, and that we had instead to check the online turn-in location for additional instructions-- and remember to SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM OF THE LONG PAGE to be sure we had all the info on the assignment. So I turned in a 100-point assignment with only one of the three required sections completed. Because I only knew about the one section listed in the syllabus. Shigt. Otherwise, I might have had an A.
At the same time as I am working on an internship, planning my next internship, preparing my resume for the need to being applying for jobs, and expecting school to start up again Monday... I am trying to pursue my art. The thing I can lose myself doing because I love doing it so much. The thing I could soon be selling at a profit-- if I can find the time to finish some of my projects and market them to the folks who've already expressed interest.
Also, I have friends. I'd like to keep them. So I spend some time-- much-enjoyed and much-appreciated time-- with them. And I have an apartment to maintain, and food to buy and cook and eat, and a lot of emotional baggage to work through. Not the least of which is concerns that have arisen in the past while about the health and well-being of various close and much-loved family members. Oh, and did I mention that I work 20 hours a week? And have a side job writing intellectual blogs for an online magazine three times a week? (www.libraryjournal.com) And that I've got no financial aid for school because I'm on academic probation? No stress there, right?
It's just too much. And yet, there isn't really anything I can drop. Stop spending time with friends? Yeah- and go stark raving nuts in a matter of weeks. Stop working? And eat what-- toenails?
See, the thing is-- I signed up for all this. And I need to see it through. All of it. Because this is my future we're talking about. My ability to get a job that offers both satisfaction in my work, and some sort of health care and retirement benefits, while paying an actual living wage for a single income family. So while I'm working hard to keep a stiff upper lip that actually curves UP and not down, there are definitely many moments when I wonder what the hegll I'm doing wrong here, and if I'm really qualified to be an adult. I hope it gets easier, because I don't think I can take it getting any harder. Oh. I just remembered. It's the first of the month. My rent is due. Right.
Well, that's all the time I have to spend on feeling sorry for myself today. Check back another time for a cheery, humorous, and uplifting post. I'm about due to have one. Any time now. Really.
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